Teenaged DD not letting go of childhood.

[orangeandyellowandbr0wn]

My teenaged dd doesn't seem to be growing up. She isn't letting go of her childhood.
She still plays with toys and wants to be played with, has no independence and won't even leave the house alone, has very few friends who she never goes out with as well and doesn't engage properly in school/advanced topics of discussion. She also still watches babytv/in the night garden/bluey etc. She doesn't wear bras (which might cause embarrassment for her) and has temper tantrums quickly and easily. Additionally, she likes soft play, imagination play and talking to herself and I still feel like I have a toddler and she hates the idea of being a teenager and engages in no 'teenage' behaviour either. She's never thrown away any of her baby stuff/baby books/toddler stuff either.
I don't want her to be the stereotypical eye rolling moody teenager but I'm so, so fed up. AIBU for being fed up about this and also how do I explain to her to grow out of this?!!!!!!!?? How can I help her???

What age is she?
Does she have SEN?
Has there been a massive life event in the past several years?

What age of teenager is she? Big difference here between 13 and 19.

Is she 13 or 17? What do the school/her teachers say?

Does she have any interests outside the home?

She has her whole life to be a grown up. If she’s happy and not doing anyone any harm leave her be.

That does sound a bit of a concern potentially, what does the school say, has she any special needs or suffered past trauma?

Becoming an adult is very scary and some people will resist it. Childhood things might provide safety and security for her.

As in all stages of life it is best not to push but allow her to move as her personal development allows her.

I'm not sure why you resent this so much?

She likes soft play? Are you taking her to soft play OP? The staff don't mind a teenager playing amongst the toddlers?

I think people are being unfair saying you are pushing her to grow up. If my teenager (even at 13) wanted to watch Bluey or In the Night Garden, didn't engage well friends her own age and couldn't talk at an appropriately mature level about topics I would also be concerned. I would get her assessed by a doctor/psychologist to see if there are any underlying causes for it all.

Struggling with the thought of growing up can be an indicator of ASD.

You say ‘won’t leave the house alone’ but presumably she’s getting herself to school? So is capable?

My DD was the same . More immature than her peers although I found them too advanced for my liking . Talking about make up , boys , designer gear at 12/13 in a way I thought was more appropriate at 16 +. I didn't want her to be left behind with no friends but it is a hard balance . I think she was scared to let go of childhood as she found it difficult to be at their level . Maybe a bit ND but not diagnosed. I watched her continue at her own pace and she went to uni , etc . Still doesn't seem to enjoy a lot of things her peers do but is making her own way in the world . But horsey is still on her bed!

How old is she?
Does she have younger siblings? When you say watching Bluey do you mean she is choosing it or she is just sitting with a younger sibling and watching it? It’s a big difference.
Does she need bra or not?

Soft play isn't just for toddlers 😅

@Parallellives I drive her to school.

@GarlicStyle She is SEN, 14 1/2, and we're divorced.

I'd look at an assessment for ND if your concerned, but if she's verbal, can use the toilet ect then there won't be much support tbh,

A lot of what you have said would lead me to assume ND. I don't wear bra's because their uncomfortable + im very flat chested so see no point. Would she wear a crop top under her shirts if you suggested it?

Regarding the baby shows ect, just leave her to it. It's not harming anyone and it sounds like she enjoys them ( repeatedly watching the same thing is seen a lot in ND people )

Is she bothered about having a few friends or does she want more?

Not wanting to leave the house alone is also seen a lot in ND

A lot of them I have been to are for age 12 and under unless you are talking about the large trampoline / adventure type places. So a teenager would not be able to go.

Isn't it? I thought it was a play area for babies and toddlers. Is it for teenagers and adults as well?

Have a chat with her, don't label her as SEN yet, it seems to be quite the rage

I have a very immature 14 year-old who's older sibling was borderline adult at that age!

Maybe she just feels comfortable around her loved ones and likes to be with you.

How does her school feel she's doing?

My nephew is Sen and he's very young too, he's in year 7 now and he's young in ways, it's just the way he his

@Keepgettingolder81 She had nobody except for me. She thinks I don't love her as well, we also don't have any family, so it can't be that she wants to spend time with loved ones.
School says she has concerning behaviour. She spends lots of time in the nurse.

I think the playing with toys etc is fine, however the lack of independence, and not being able to leave the house alone, is a concern especially as you drive her to school so she’s not learning to travel independently.
Could you speak to the school SENCO for advice?
Could you encourage DD to do small errands outside the house - post a letter, go to the corner shop, go to the local library?
Does she go to any clubs after school or at weekends?
Some children have to be gently encouraged to be more independent.

Yes, girls with ASD often go under the radar and mask well until puberty hits and psychologically it all gets too much. It’s why gender dysphoria tends to hit then (it did with mine). I’d ask for a full non-specific ed psych eval to check there isn’t anything ND related or emotional/psychological going on. It sounds as though, whatever is at play, she would benefit from some therapy.

My dd is very articulate and always used the toilet. She has ASD and an EHCP. There will be support.