Teenaged DD not letting go of childhood.

[orangeandyellowandbr0wn]

My teenaged dd doesn't seem to be growing up. She isn't letting go of her childhood.
She still plays with toys and wants to be played with, has no independence and won't even leave the house alone, has very few friends who she never goes out with as well and doesn't engage properly in school/advanced topics of discussion. She also still watches babytv/in the night garden/bluey etc. She doesn't wear bras (which might cause embarrassment for her) and has temper tantrums quickly and easily. Additionally, she likes soft play, imagination play and talking to herself and I still feel like I have a toddler and she hates the idea of being a teenager and engages in no 'teenage' behaviour either. She's never thrown away any of her baby stuff/baby books/toddler stuff either.
I don't want her to be the stereotypical eye rolling moody teenager but I'm so, so fed up. AIBU for being fed up about this and also how do I explain to her to grow out of this?!!!!!!!?? How can I help her???

Just to add to the positive stories. My DD was very similar (keep the hello kitty , they increase in value ten years later!). She found that she liked cooking. Went from school into a scheme at college for teens with SEN/struggls, to help then navigate the change on leaving school and to give them two more years to grow up a bit. She didn't have friends at this point. My DD then did catering/cookery at college. She had to do a placement and did it at a pizza place. Her ability to focus, be thorough, not get into drama/gossip (because she doesn't really care what others are doing) etc impressed everyone. She slowly started to interact more. It's taken her until 26 to be practically independent and have two, good friends. She's taught herself to eat a wider range of foods because she wanted to eat out with friends/work. She now works in the NHS. I still oversee things/shop/research and support her. But she is getting there and everything being online helps. Some of the suggestions are horrendous. Let her be and develop in her own time. With my DD having pets and horse riding helped. I'd only intervene in a lack of confidence/anxiety. I pushed her into hobbies around 13 and luckily she had the confidence to tell me that I was making her miserable. She now goes camping by choice. I never thought that she'd be capable of the job she is now doing, especially the interaction/communication side (she has S&L issues because of autism). I can say the same of over half her class from her SEN school. The others are still doing ok and have built a life that suits them.

Sounds like she needs to find ‘her people’. I always felt a bit on the edges of any friends group when I was growing up (and even when grown up!) I’ve now found my fit - with other ND people who love playing board games and TTRPG. In fact I’d say finding a game cafe near you and trying to get her to join in some games would be a great way to let her enjoy her imagination and storytelling abilities with other people who love to do that too. Most of my gaming friends seem to be on one spectrum or another…but it doesn’t matter, we all seem to rub along well with each other and just accept each other’s quirks

have a look at Potential Plus. They are the national org for HLP and organise loads of stuff for it. They have Facebook pages for specifically the parenting part from where you could probably be added onto an « area » WhatsApp group if one exists already and if you feel like it.

Good luck👌🏼

@Ponoka7 your post has given me so much hope, our daughters sound similar, but mine is 16 and still a long way off your 26 year old. I try not to worry about the future too much, but I have my moments. Thank you so much for sharing.

I still talk to my teddies and enjoy colouring. If she's happy I'd leave her be and not worry.

My sweet summer son who's nearly 18 said for his birthday might he be able to have a bottle of cider. He's similarly child like (also autistic). I restrained myself from saying I'd fully expected him to ask that a few years ago but not going to complain!

Maybe you could ask for a referral to a child psychologist
has there been a dramatic change in family relationship dynamics
this can often result in a refusal to ‘ grow up’ the child is clinging to the past where they identify emotional security