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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being rude to an old lady

574 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 28/02/2025 18:13

Doing my food shop at m&s, I was rushing to pick someone up after. I needed some jam. Lady was in the way. I said “excuse me sorry can I just grab that” she just stood there so I proceeded to reach for the jam.

She gave me the most disgusting look I have ever recieved.

So because today has been a long day I said “ I did actually say excuse me and I did actually ask you to move out of the way” to which she responded “it’s such a me first attitude” I said “you do realise you’re in a supermarket. And you don’t own the supermarket. We all have places to be and people to see darling” and I walked off.

am I missing something here. Have I not used correct supermarket etiquette

OP posts:
Shwish · 01/03/2025 13:35

Shwish · 01/03/2025 13:34

100% disagree. If I was standing in front of a shelf of jam or anything else and someone else wanted to get some id squidge up to let them. Absolutely nobody in their right mind wouldnt. Why would anyone wait their turn? There is no need. That's nuts. Unless there was literally a wall or other trolleys or something on the side and behind and nowhere for the person to go.

But having said that the rant was nuts. If have just ignored the evil look, or maybe gave a sarcastically sweet smile in return.

FarmGirl78 · 01/03/2025 13:40

MyUmberSeal · 28/02/2025 18:17

I was on your side until the word ‘darling’ was used.

You beat me to it!! My exact thoughts.

graceinspace999 · 01/03/2025 13:42

Having been on the receiving end of people with your selfish attitude I would just add that you have no idea of what her hearing levels are.

I am partially deaf and I’m absolutely fed up with this crap.

Don’t make assumptions!

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/03/2025 13:54

wandawaves · 01/03/2025 10:38

Some weird replies here IMO. I can't imagine being so scared of people that you would just stand there in the background waiting and waiting for "your turn" to get something from the shelf. Your turn? Don't you just, you know, share the space?
I'm not in the UK though, maybe it's a cultural thing. I say excuse me to people in the supermarket ALL the time, as does everyone else, with absolutely no issue or hurt feelings.

It was abit over the top though to rant at her. And "darling" is pretty condescending. But saying "excuse me"?? Absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Saying 'excuse me' wasn't rude. Expecting the other woman to jump to attention and then ranting at her was rude.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/03/2025 13:58

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 13:24

Well, it'll hit them hard one day.

Especially if they think they will be retired by 60 with all day to do their shopping. Current State Pension age is 67.

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 14:03

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/03/2025 13:58

Especially if they think they will be retired by 60 with all day to do their shopping. Current State Pension age is 67.

Quite. Set to rise as well.

Waitfortheguinness · 01/03/2025 14:09

What has her age got to do with it…..can’t stand rude people like you who say “excuse me, can I just get….that…..” whilst simultaneously shoving you out of the way, without you even having a chance to react!
Not only do you sound selfish and entitled, but ageist too.

BIossomtoes · 01/03/2025 14:11

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 13:24

Well, it'll hit them hard one day.

It hits everyone hard. It’s come as a real shock to me to find myself patronised by some younger people. I had real trouble holding my tongue when a young woman regarded me with a tilted head and simpered “Oh bless” when I bought a red lipstick. I don’t know which is worse - that or the invisibility. I feel quite sorry for the person who actually provokes me to snap.

Delatron · 01/03/2025 14:11

It’s annoying but supermarkets are awful places. If someone is in my way and loitering I just come back in a few minutes. I get the annoyance though as you did say excuse me.

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 14:15

BIossomtoes · 01/03/2025 14:11

It hits everyone hard. It’s come as a real shock to me to find myself patronised by some younger people. I had real trouble holding my tongue when a young woman regarded me with a tilted head and simpered “Oh bless” when I bought a red lipstick. I don’t know which is worse - that or the invisibility. I feel quite sorry for the person who actually provokes me to snap.

😂

GabriellaMontez · 01/03/2025 14:22

Shwish · 01/03/2025 13:34

100% disagree. If I was standing in front of a shelf of jam or anything else and someone else wanted to get some id squidge up to let them. Absolutely nobody in their right mind wouldnt. Why would anyone wait their turn? There is no need. That's nuts. Unless there was literally a wall or other trolleys or something on the side and behind and nowhere for the person to go.

I don't disagree with you... and I'd probably just quickly reach for something

But the OP said

" I did actually ask you to move out of the way”

Which suggests a level of entitlement that I don't feel is warranted.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/03/2025 14:27

Recently, I was wanting a jar of seedless strawberry jam for my grandson's toast. Shopping in M&S (very new store and very busy where I live) I went back to get it three times as there was an elderly couple (at least 20 yrs older than me) standing, blocking the shelves. They each had a trolley (both practically empty) - possibly using them as walking aids, and they took up a good proportion of the aisle. I did not say excuse me as I thought they would move on eventually and I would double back for the jam.

In the end I had carried on shopping and I forgot to go back and went home without the jam, which made my grandson cry the following morning as it's one of the only things he'll eat (jam on toast/jam sandwich) for breakfast. He refused all other breakfast suggestions (wouldn't have toast, doesn't like butter, wouldn't have dry toast) and went to school hungry.

I wouldn't dream of 'shifting' people out of the way - they were there first and will occupy the space for as long as they need to. I always accommodate those who are 'in front of me/get there before me'. I remember complaining of having to wait for something when I was very little and my grandmother viciously snapped (I remember her spitting in my face during the telling off) 'well get up earlier and be first then' which made me cry - very vivid memory of crying but not why we were held up/waiting. I remember feeling full of shame for complaining.

My husband, on the other hand, would have 'shifted' them by barging through and reaching in front of their faces for what he wanted. He would not have said excuse me. That approach would not have resulted in my grandson's tears - happy grandson, having had breakfast before school.

I think OP was rude - H would not think OP was rude.

One POV cancels the other so no point in me posting - other than it reminded me of upsetting my grandson last week.

He only eats cheese squares on toast for dinner and luckily, I had some in the fridge for home time. I now have strawberry jam and will not run out of it in future - one open, one spare. (Usually only have cherry jam and lime marmalade.)

His safe foods rarely change, but had changed during half term. I need more notice next time - and a slightly better memory. Could have kicked myself for forgetting the bloody jam.

If only H would do the shopping all the time .... and shove all the old people out of the way. Confused

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 14:31

😂😂

Fernticket · 01/03/2025 14:46

I experienced something yesterday on the other foot. I went to catch the bus home from my nearest city yesterday. It goes from the transport hub, which has indoor seating for people waiting to catch their buses. I sat down in the last remaining indoor seat and waited for my bus. I was sat next to an elderly lady. The bus pulled up and people went outside to queue up and get on. Eventually I got up to join the queue. The lady sitting next to me didn't move and I didn't think anything of it (thought she was probably waiting for the queue to go down before standing up to join it). Suddenly she got up pushed her way into the queue saying"I've been waiting ages for this bus and I'm entitled to go first". If she had said excuse me would you mind if I went in front , I wouldn't have had a problem, but she didn't. She just went up to almost the front of the queue. No please ,no thank you, nothing! Thoroughly bad mannered. Before everyone flames me and calls me ageist, I am 63.

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 14:48

Fernticket · 01/03/2025 14:46

I experienced something yesterday on the other foot. I went to catch the bus home from my nearest city yesterday. It goes from the transport hub, which has indoor seating for people waiting to catch their buses. I sat down in the last remaining indoor seat and waited for my bus. I was sat next to an elderly lady. The bus pulled up and people went outside to queue up and get on. Eventually I got up to join the queue. The lady sitting next to me didn't move and I didn't think anything of it (thought she was probably waiting for the queue to go down before standing up to join it). Suddenly she got up pushed her way into the queue saying"I've been waiting ages for this bus and I'm entitled to go first". If she had said excuse me would you mind if I went in front , I wouldn't have had a problem, but she didn't. She just went up to almost the front of the queue. No please ,no thank you, nothing! Thoroughly bad mannered. Before everyone flames me and calls me ageist, I am 63.

It wasn't her age that made her rude. That's the point. You wouldn't identify someone's ethnicity and link it to rudeness? Why age?

CerealPosterHere · 01/03/2025 15:06

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 14:48

It wasn't her age that made her rude. That's the point. You wouldn't identify someone's ethnicity and link it to rudeness? Why age?

She wasn’t even rude, she just didn’t do what the OP wanted her to do. That doesn’t make her rude Looking at someone who has rudely stretched infront of you to get something also doesn’t make her rude.

MWNA · 01/03/2025 15:06

KilkennyCats · 28/02/2025 18:16

Was there any need for that diatribe?

Really? The other woman sounded horribly entitled. I'd have said much the same. People just get away with such shit.

HelenWheels · 01/03/2025 15:28

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 28/02/2025 23:50

By old I mean 60 at best. She wasn’t lacking agility.

christ
you say she was old and then say she was 60?

which is it

inkymoose · 01/03/2025 15:28

ThePerkyCoralPoet · Yesterday 23:52

"She was right up against the produce! I asked, waited, asked again. And then she started going on about how I was acting as though I couldn’t wait. Well no sorry Cheryl I have to pick someone’s son up so I can’t be staring at every jar until 10 pm!"

OP has either invented a new term for somebody who is a bit slow "Cheryl" or she knows this woman (I think).

I'm going to avoid any branch of M&S for food shopping in future, just to be safe. Shopping is bad enough without angry people charging about, shoving themselves in front of you and then shouting. This sort of thing never happens in my local co-op.

HelenWheels · 01/03/2025 15:31

when i went shopping this morning i saw these people in their cars doing click and collect
i wondered, why on earth are they doing click and collect
i only ever used it during Covid.
but i guess it is to avoid people pushing in front of them reaching for the jam

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 15:31

Thank you, @inkymoose , I must admit that I felt a bit "Cheryl" this morning, so had a bit of a lie in.
Fortunately, my M&S foodhall has no such anti social behaviour, and although I haven't checked everyone's date of birth, I would suggest there's quite a broad demographic. I may take my life into my hands in the conserve section 🙃

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 15:32

HelenWheels · 01/03/2025 15:31

when i went shopping this morning i saw these people in their cars doing click and collect
i wondered, why on earth are they doing click and collect
i only ever used it during Covid.
but i guess it is to avoid people pushing in front of them reaching for the jam

A solution to the "Cheryl" problem! Excellent.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 01/03/2025 15:34

ChonkyRabbit · 01/03/2025 07:16

You're as insufferable as the OP.

No, politeness costs nothing. If someone can't even say please it's not great.

inkymoose · 01/03/2025 15:42

I feel a bit "Cheryl" most of the time, but even more so in the supermarket.

Not only do I check out sell by dates, which broccoli is green and not yellow and which onions are not mouldy, I also read labels, and stand around for ages doing so ... Goodness gracious, I am simply inviting people to tut at me.

KatyaKabanova · 01/03/2025 15:45

inkymoose · 01/03/2025 15:42

I feel a bit "Cheryl" most of the time, but even more so in the supermarket.

Not only do I check out sell by dates, which broccoli is green and not yellow and which onions are not mouldy, I also read labels, and stand around for ages doing so ... Goodness gracious, I am simply inviting people to tut at me.

Oh my god. Change your user name! Imagine doing all that in a supermarket.
You should know that you are expected to rush in, grab items, shout at people and rush out. No dawdling, Cheryl! 😂

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