DP won’t stop calling me!!

[Seafi01]

long time lurker, first time poster
I I honestly just need to know if this is driving me mad justifiably or if I’m just a bitch.

Bit of context so I’m not drip feeding.

Been with DP for over 20 years, have a teenage daughter. I’m the main breadwinner in the house, always have been. I WFH (self employed) DP works on average a couple of hours per day and will then be at home with me (also self employed)

DP and I have had some problems over the last few years that really have pushed me to the edge. I understand that this is where some of this issue may stem from.

My issue is that DP will call me multiple times per day about literally nothing. In the last 7 days he has called me 42 times. Some of the reasons for the calls this last week include:

• One of the dogs farted and it smelled bad
• It’s not raining but if it does, he’ll bring the washing in (because I asked him to keep an eye on the weather as I left the house)
• He’s going for a shower
• One of the dogs got shut in daughter’s room and cried
• It’s cold

This is the general type of content the calls are about. It’s driving me insane but if I say anything he says I’m unreasonable and should want to talk to him about nonsense.

My brain is generally very busy, as is my life, so I enjoy a little bit of quiet time in the car, or the little bit of time to catch up with our equally busy teenage girl. He interrupts when I’m out with friends (which is rare) and it all feels very ‘don’t forget me’ (hence the link back to us having issues)

it’s not because he doesn’t see me as I make sure we spend some time together every day, whether it’s going for a walk with the dogs or watching a movie.

Am I a bitch? Or is this a bit too much?

I'd just stop answering the phone. That would drive me INSANE. Has he always been like that?

It’s not a bit too much, it’s FAR too much and would drive me crazy.

What on earth? He needs to get a life.

No he hasn’t. I have spoken to him more in the last 3 years than I have the previous 17. Every time the phone rings now my response in my head is ‘seriously, what now’.
I’m very much a phone call with a purpose person so I just can’t get my head round it

I saw someone on here say 'Oh! I was using my brain for my stuff, actually' in response to a partner who expected to occupy her mind and time without warning.

Phone on silent during work hours?

It sounds like he needs to be better occupied, and might be bored and is killing time by calling you about the things going on in the small horizons that he has. Has he semi retired or something? Could you encourage him to take up something that would give him something to do, preferably out of the house and with other people? It reminds me of the way elderly relatives might call and talk about the neighbours leaving the bins out for too long, it’s a big deal to them in a small world, so the solution might be to make his world broader and more diverse.

My brother used to do this.
Right up until the day his wife answered the phone with , 'piss off, I'm busy'. Before he even got a chance to speak

I don't quite get it, he calls you on the phone while you're both in the same house most of the time?

I kinda understand if he's walking around the house and just making conversation while you're both at home.

I couldn't stand that!
Could you ask him to start texting instead of calling if it's something that doesn't need an immediate reply? It would still be annoying to receive that many texts, but at least you can take your time responding, or not respond if there's no need to.

No, these calls are in the time we’re not together. So if I’m on the school run, gone to see my mum for a brew etc

So you provide the majority of financial support and the majority of emotional support to this needy man who has limited self sufficiency?

What's in this for you?

I did think that but he has just sent me a text that I didn’t answer straight away, so he called me 🫤

Maybe the other way round then? Just stop answering the phone and tell him that if it's an emergency he can text you, and if not to save it until the end of the day when you can chat over dinner.

Why are you answering the phone to him?!

This is a bit of a lingering issue in the back of my head at the moment, which is probably not helping the vibe.
i feel quite drained

Can you you stop picking up the phone every time he rings? Then text back 20 mins later, and just “say sorry I was in the middle of something/had my hands full/ was on a work call- what’s up?” He’s just calling you instantly and unthinkingly out of habit, and you might just need to break the habit a bit.

Oh God! This has stressed me out just reading. Why can’t he entertain himself?

I reckon I could stand about three days of that behaviour before I filed for divorce.

What a ridiculous, needy, suffocating, whiny, obsessive baby of a man. What is he, a bloody toddler who needs constant attention? Unbearable.

My DP used to do that - would ring me when he left work and walked to the car. Would then ring me whilst IN the car driving home. Then 20 mins later would walk in the door and we'd have nothing to talk about. Drove me mad. I told him not to do it, and he was most put out - took the "rejection" very badly, but has thankfully stopped it now.

YANBU,
Except it's not a bit too much, it's quite a lot too much.

Do you have a separate phone number for work? Though it sounds like he's hassling you at other times , you can just put your phone on silent when you're with your mum etc.

If he works less hours than you he should be doing the school run and most of the housework,

The traditional advice for dealing with nuisance callers is to get a very loud whistle and blow it down the phone.

Is he quite isolated and doesn't get out much/do much himself? Do you think he might've developed anxiety or a loneliness issue? Either way it sounds like he needs more to occupy his time so that the dog farting or it being cold aren't the news of the day

What does he say when you tell him to stop calling you all the time?

Why does he only work a couple of hours a day?

Tell him to pack it in or you will block him.