DP won’t stop calling me!!

[Seafi01]

long time lurker, first time poster
I I honestly just need to know if this is driving me mad justifiably or if I’m just a bitch.

Bit of context so I’m not drip feeding.

Been with DP for over 20 years, have a teenage daughter. I’m the main breadwinner in the house, always have been. I WFH (self employed) DP works on average a couple of hours per day and will then be at home with me (also self employed)

DP and I have had some problems over the last few years that really have pushed me to the edge. I understand that this is where some of this issue may stem from.

My issue is that DP will call me multiple times per day about literally nothing. In the last 7 days he has called me 42 times. Some of the reasons for the calls this last week include:

• One of the dogs farted and it smelled bad
• It’s not raining but if it does, he’ll bring the washing in (because I asked him to keep an eye on the weather as I left the house)
• He’s going for a shower
• One of the dogs got shut in daughter’s room and cried
• It’s cold

This is the general type of content the calls are about. It’s driving me insane but if I say anything he says I’m unreasonable and should want to talk to him about nonsense.

My brain is generally very busy, as is my life, so I enjoy a little bit of quiet time in the car, or the little bit of time to catch up with our equally busy teenage girl. He interrupts when I’m out with friends (which is rare) and it all feels very ‘don’t forget me’ (hence the link back to us having issues)

it’s not because he doesn’t see me as I make sure we spend some time together every day, whether it’s going for a walk with the dogs or watching a movie.

Am I a bitch? Or is this a bit too much?

The person you share a house with is telephoning you on average 6 times a day? That would drive me mad, it's way too much.

Why are you answering the phone? Stop pandering to his manipulative bullshit.

If he's bored he needs to find something to entertain himself.

Put his number on do not disturb during your working hours.

First silence his ringtone and message tone. That way you won’t automatically be jolted out of any quiet time.

If you have an iPhone put the driving focus on when you are in the car with the auto message that you are driving and will get back to people later.

Have a couple of set times a day when you will check on messages.

Tell him that’s what you are doing.

Let him sulk.

IMO, he's checking on you. It's either anxiety related (she's crashed, something's happened to her) or it's jealousy (she's with a man, she's not where she says she is, she might meet somebody)

Op referred to him as a “D”P so no need for divorce if they’re not married. She can just easily kick him out.

I was with my ex for less than one year, about half way through I gladly told him to stop irritating me with bullshit phone calls.

You've been with him for two decades? Just tell him to stop being such a twat.

Argh! Not voice notes! There is a chance this man will send her loads of them - then the OP has to choose whether or not to spend up to an hour a day listening to them

Were the problems you had in your relationship anything to do with one or other of you being inappropriate with another person?

a) Why isn't he working more?

b) If he's not working, is he picking up the domestic load?

c) Does he have friends or hobbies?

d) Are there projects he can be doing around the house and garden?

e) Why the hell are you answering the texts/calls?

I think the suggestion that you want him to save stuff up is good.
Sounds like he's not stimulated enough by a few hours work, he needs to find something else. Otherwise you are going to drift into a horrendous retirement with him.

just mute his calls and don't pick it up.

Why am I being mean? He just wants to talk to me and so on

What's driving his behaviour?

Control? Fear? Boredom? Loneliness? Anxiety?

I don't think I could get over it regardless of the reason but if you do want to improve things, it would help to understand the reason why he does it.

Another person saying just don't answer. Text 15 minutes later saying 'sorry missed you, got my hands full, talk in a bit'

That’s insane . I couldn’t cope !

I do think - maybe not to that extreme - but I do think it is a man thing .

I adore my husband and we have a great relationship.. but he calls a lot if im not at work . When I am at work he calls me in the morning and when im on the way to work / after work / evening when he’s on the way home. It’s lovely he wants to talk to me , yes , but … half the time he doesn’t say much 🤣 we sit in silence and it’s always me ending the call because I’m trying to do something and I don’t want to just sit on a phone call for nothing ! He is used to it though . In the morning he always seems to call when it’s like 10 minutes before I have to leave and I’m rushing and I feel horrible because he calls asking how I am, how I slept etc but I’m in a rush !

The funniest thing is he moans about his Dad doing the exact same thing to him ! It drives him mad and the amount of times I say to him that’s what you do! He does it to his sister too and we always laugh about it 🤣

You're part of the problem here for entertaining it. Stop answering the phone. Simple!

I could MAYBE understand if the "problems" you had was that you cheated on him, so now he is really insecure and checking up on you. Big MAYBE though...

I haven’t got time to chat to you if I am out doing something. If it’s important text me. The End.

and stick to this - so tedious but sounds like he literally requires training. Don’t answer the calls. Make a point of using the “not now” function on the screen.

It is his attempt at controlling you when you aren't around. Does he try to control you in other ways when you are with him? Does he talk incessantly when you are together?

Why does he feel like he has the right to monopolise your time like this. You are entitled to spend time alone if you wish, or concentrate on your work without interruption, or to spend time with your mum for goodness sake.
I couldn't be in a relationship like this.

I used to work with someone whose partner rang her throughout the day. It drove us crackers.

Christ don’t tell him about voice notes whatever you do!!!

Jesus. How do you stand it?

What age is he?

Also two hours a day is fucking pathetic. He needs to do more work and contribute more, because he’s clearly bored.

Are the problems that you have both recently experienced the reason why he has become so clingy? Is he worried that you might leave or ask him to leave? If so, he is obviously going the wrong way about it as this behaviour is quite repellant in a grown man.

Imagine how much more money his hobby business would make if he spent more than two hours a day on it.

These inane calls would drive me demented.