DP won’t stop calling me!!

[Seafi01]

long time lurker, first time poster
I I honestly just need to know if this is driving me mad justifiably or if I’m just a bitch.

Bit of context so I’m not drip feeding.

Been with DP for over 20 years, have a teenage daughter. I’m the main breadwinner in the house, always have been. I WFH (self employed) DP works on average a couple of hours per day and will then be at home with me (also self employed)

DP and I have had some problems over the last few years that really have pushed me to the edge. I understand that this is where some of this issue may stem from.

My issue is that DP will call me multiple times per day about literally nothing. In the last 7 days he has called me 42 times. Some of the reasons for the calls this last week include:

• One of the dogs farted and it smelled bad
• It’s not raining but if it does, he’ll bring the washing in (because I asked him to keep an eye on the weather as I left the house)
• He’s going for a shower
• One of the dogs got shut in daughter’s room and cried
• It’s cold

This is the general type of content the calls are about. It’s driving me insane but if I say anything he says I’m unreasonable and should want to talk to him about nonsense.

My brain is generally very busy, as is my life, so I enjoy a little bit of quiet time in the car, or the little bit of time to catch up with our equally busy teenage girl. He interrupts when I’m out with friends (which is rare) and it all feels very ‘don’t forget me’ (hence the link back to us having issues)

it’s not because he doesn’t see me as I make sure we spend some time together every day, whether it’s going for a walk with the dogs or watching a movie.

Am I a bitch? Or is this a bit too much?

Do you want to live your life like this. What’s he going to be like in retirement? Everyday you’re with him he will be entitled to more money and bigger stake in your pension so I’d get my affairs in order with a view to moving on.

Stop answering the phone. Take longer to text him back. Make him go a day without a response.

He sounds like really hard work.

I wouldn't be able to stand it. I like a lot of space, not needy clinging vines talking multiple times a day about dog farts or other nothings. Ew.

@Seafi01 Has he reason to be insecure about anything?
That’s what’s screaming out at me or bored OR both.

I hope you find your way out .

How old is he? Could he be getting dementia?!

I could be way off the mark here but could he be calling you as a way of managing his addictions either as a distraction or managing boredom so he doesn’t return to the addiction or even as a reminder of what he could lose if he gave in to them.

Sounds like he is either going through a midlife crisis or is losing it.
If you were a patient of mine, I would advise you to sit down and have a long talk as to why he was becoming so insecure that he has to phone you every time the dog passes wind, or you have washing on the line.
Personally, I think he is becoming mentally unstable and may need medical intervention. Those in the early stages of dementia feel very insecure and need constant reassurance. A trip to your GP for a check up, may help

He is pointless. Get rid! This is just him trying to control where your thoughts are when you're out of the house.

But why are you answering your phone? If it’s him, just ignore. Hopefully he’ll soon get the nessage

Is he lonely?

This
Just don't answer, you have a choice.
I feel suffocated and annoyed just reading about him.

If you're so mean, then why does he want to keep speaking to you?

If he tells you youre being mean, tell him no, im being busy and he needs to get a fckn job and stop being so needy.

Don't answer every time.

Only at times when you want to and are free to talk. He'll get used to realising no point calling at ten because you never answer, on account of being at work.

If you do decide to answer the phone, always turn the conversation immediately to 'how are you getting on with the xx project?' so he starts to associate calling you with having to address his shortcomings on the doing his share of maintaining your home.

This sounds a good idea.
Have your phone on silent and don't answer if you're busy - it's perfectly normal to do this!
He needs a life / a hobby / maybe some sort of mental/emotional support other than relying on you.

Let him text you ... He can be annoying without distracting you then.

If he's pretty permanently in the house doing sweet fuck all then ignoring his phone calls will just bring him to come and bother her in person because he sounds very needy.

This would drive me up the wall.

What message are you sending your teenage daughter OP with this kind of dynamic in the house?

He clearly has too much time on his hands! Bored perhaps?

It sounds like you are reconsidering more than his inability to stop encroaching on your working hours OP.
Some great advice already regarding the calls such as just don’t answer or turn the call into you tasking him with something.
From your subsequent posts I’m pretty sure you are now reassessing the entire relationship. The thing that stood out for me was your teen’s desire to avoid being in the car with him. I think you need to go somewhere together and start to probe into how she feels about home life and the family dynamic. If she adores your partner that might have a bearing on how you proceed but if she does not that will surely be the final decision maker.
You are both showcasing an important relationship; is it one you would be happy with her mirroring?

My ex husband was like this. It drove me mad.
I used to lie about where I was in the end or he'd want to talk for longer and once I changed jobs there would 4/5 calls a morning - before my 8.30am start. He once called and I answered with 'what now' and turns out he'd had a small car accident. I told him his was clearly ok as he was still calling me! We divorced soon after.
It was suffocating

I know someone who had this every day , it was a form of control with him , even ringing her to say he’d harm himself if she didn’t listen or come home .
OR Could it be anxiety also on his part?

Whether that is caused by anxiety not that was so so wrong and sounds very controlling people should not have to live like that. I just hope the person you know doesn't have children because witnessing stuff like that will have them to end up with mental health issues themselves.

I think you need to block his number
And then leave the relationship - seriously.

He will do nothing but bring you and your daughter down.

You beat me to it!