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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

183 replies

Srepmum1984 · 27/02/2025 08:59

Was having a discussion about some works drinks that will be taking place on Friday and I said husband will be picking me up if anyone else wants a lift home.

My husband regularly picks me up after drinks/meal with my friends and also always offers them a lift home if they have had a drink and they don't have alternative transportation for safety etc.

She asked if he picks me up every time I go out and I said yes. She then said he sounds very Andrew Tate. Not trusting you to make your own way back.

I was very taken aback. Surely my husband wanting to ensure his wife and friends get home safely is not 'Andrew Tate'.

He never enforces he is going to come and collect me like a child, it's more along the lines of....

Me: I'm off out now, see you in a few hours
Him: Do you want picking up babe
Me: Yes pleassseeeee 😂

OP posts:
katyb84 · 27/02/2025 15:33

Oh I cannot believe what I’ve read on this post , some of you women are just mean and nasty for no reason .

chocmalt · 27/02/2025 15:57

Based only on the information in the OP, sounds like your colleague is one of those exhausting people who's always trying to find the worst or most dramatic interpretation of a situation. I'd ignore her.

And yes, this is one situation where the person actually does sound a bit jealous and trying to pull you down a peg by sowing seeds of doubt. Either that or she has a warped view of what types of behaviour are controlling. A husband offering to give his wife a lift so she won't be uncomfortable or possibly in danger is a good thing.

OctoberandApril · 27/02/2025 16:11

chocmalt · 27/02/2025 15:57

Based only on the information in the OP, sounds like your colleague is one of those exhausting people who's always trying to find the worst or most dramatic interpretation of a situation. I'd ignore her.

And yes, this is one situation where the person actually does sound a bit jealous and trying to pull you down a peg by sowing seeds of doubt. Either that or she has a warped view of what types of behaviour are controlling. A husband offering to give his wife a lift so she won't be uncomfortable or possibly in danger is a good thing.

Edited

I agree, some people just like to be negative about everything.

Women on mumsnet are always talking about the world being a dangerous place because of some men. Then when a DH picks his wife up at night he is described as controlling.

Can't do right for doing wrong.

CryingAtTheDiscotheque · 27/02/2025 16:17

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2025 12:32

I think that would have been better phrased as "This makes you neither more superior nor cooler, in any way".

Is that what you meant?

Show quote history

"more superior" is poor grammar

Erinsborough · 27/02/2025 16:25

If my husband isn't picking me up I'm not going and if I am going I will stay sober and drive. I don't like taxi's, i know a few people who have had bad experiences on taxis so it's not for me and that's it and I'm the same with my husband il pick him up or if not he drives, he probably wouldn't mind getting a taxi but if he is out i don't sit in the house and drink on my own anyway plus I'm not a big drinker so I'd rather pick him up and know he is safe and vice versa. Nothing wrong with that at all.

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 27/02/2025 16:52

It might say something about her experiences /experiences of someone close to her.
It sounds like she’s assuming it’s controlling behaviour. Maybe she has seen /experienced controlling behaviour in a man and him always collecting the woman was one of the ways in which he displayed his control.

If you feel up to it, I’d get back to her and simply ask her why she thought it was Andrew Tate-ish. Get her to spell out that it sounds controlling and then explain that is not how you experience your relationship (assuming this is the case!) and say you feel sad if she has had bad experiences which made her think this was the case.

SparklesGlitter · 27/02/2025 16:54

I’d almost lure her in by asking what she means by that. Then stand silent while she digs a hole. There are Andrew tates out there 100%, but I’m a firm believer that he is an exception. It certainly isn’t a thing to be casting aspersions about. I would worry that if she can say it to your face, she can say it behind your back, to people who don’t know you, or your husband who sounds great!

BridgetJonesBlueSoup · 27/02/2025 16:55

That must make me and my partner Andrew Tate too 🤷‍♀️ We always offer to collect each other, isn’t it what you do when you care?

Cakeandcardio · 27/02/2025 16:57

I always feel sorry for folk like your colleague who don't have a lovely DH at home who comes and collects them (like you and I do) but instead are left to make their own way home whilst their 'partner' doesn't seem to care if they are safe. Just ignore OP

SparklesGlitter · 27/02/2025 16:58

Togglebullets · 27/02/2025 09:19

That's a horrible thing for your colleague to say - I assume she has no idea what a normal healthy relationship should look like

You’re right…Or what that thing Andrew Tate is. I’d be mad

MysteriousUsername · 27/02/2025 17:09

Bloody hell, I'd actually be mad if someone said my DP was like Andrew Tate just because he gave me a lift home!

I'm very independent, and happy to see myself home at all times of day and night, but if I'm offered a lift I'm not going to say no! I do the same for him as well. Isn't that just what you do in a relationship? Or even just with friends, I've picked friends up from things plenty of times too.

Cyclebabble · 27/02/2025 17:10

Love a lift home. Good bloke.

GoneGirl12345 · 27/02/2025 17:11

Helene8 · 27/02/2025 14:53

I'm sure most of like beign independent but there are many ways to do that while also accepting a lift to save money and avoid the taxi queue in sometimes minus temperatures.

Show quote history

Yeah but it's not always minus temperatures. It doesn't cost money if you've a travel card or season ticket anyway and just get the train and walk from the station.

So depends entirely on circumstances. Needing to be collected every single time seems a bit extreme but each to their own.

Whattostudy · 27/02/2025 17:13

I find it really odd that there’s more than one person saying they think it’s weird for your husband to pick you up. Why??

It’s nice that he offers you a lift and really nice that he offers your friends one as well. Ignore your colleague - as if Andrew Tate would be happy with his other half going on a night out in the first place let alone coming to pick her and her mates up, I’m sure he’d laugh at the very idea of it the absolute bellend.

People are strange.

SewingIsMySuperPower · 27/02/2025 17:28

Hubs and I almost always offer to pick each other up if one is going out without the other. Neither of us wants the other wasting money on a taxi, and it feels much nicer to be picked up by the person you love ❤️ always offer lifts to friends too where we can.

Tbh, I'm 42, and if I asked my dad if he'd pick me up from a night out, he still would 😂and my sister picks him up from nights out regularly (she lives closer). I dont think any of that is weird or controlling.

@Srepmum1984 I think what your husband does is lovely, and it's really sad your colleague immediately jumped to this conclusion

JHound · 27/02/2025 17:31

Lovetocook49 · 27/02/2025 14:54

I am ex teacher and taught sessions to teenagers about Andrew Tate and what he did to women and more generally. I encouraged them to find other people in the public eye to admire.

Your colleague is really ill informed and even saying that about your husband makes her mean and a bitch.

Single is she 🤷‍♀️

Why do you think she must be single? I am single and think she’s being stupid.

Kdubs1981 · 27/02/2025 17:35

Your colleague is an arse. He sounds like a gentleman and a caring husband. Congratulations

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 18:50

Out of interest OP, what do your friends think? Do their husbands ever pick you up from a night out?

Newbie8918 · 27/02/2025 18:54

Interesting that some PPs believe that accepting a lift home, means that you lack independence!

I'm extremely independent.......I'm just not a martyr! Why would I pay for an uber or wait for a train and walk 25 mins from the station, when my DH is offering (unprovoked) to come get me?

I have a job where I travel the country alone, often to places I've never visited before. I navigate trains, public transport to the hotel, stay alone and eat out alone when I'm travelling. Why on earth does accepting a lift home, suddenly make me a 'helpless woman'?

JacqFrost · 27/02/2025 19:00

JHound · 27/02/2025 14:39

Dude go away with this incel bullshit.

Show quote history

I'm a Mum 😆 no, it's a genuine question as it's a well known physiological theory that single woman encourage other woman to be single.

Umidontknow · 27/02/2025 19:20

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 09:06

I’d find it a bit weird if I had a friend whose husband was always picking her up. The odd time, of course! Everyone loves a free lift 😁 But every night out? Wpildnt aay Andrew Tate but feels a bit controlling.
Whats he doing on a Saturday night when you’re out? Sat at home not drinking waiting to drive and get you?

In what way is him offering to pick her up when she's ready so she can have a drink controlling? Couples doing things for each other is not controlling. If he was lerking around at the same place as her and then making her leave early then fair enough but that doesn't sound like thats happening here. Also what the hell is wrong with him being at home and sober while she goes out with her friends??

CheeseyOnionPie · 27/02/2025 19:51

No your DH sounds like he’s kind and happy to pick you up. Colleague sounds a tit.

SleepToad · 27/02/2025 19:55

That makes my wife (I'm male) Tate then as she picks me up if I go out...given that a taxi from the centre of town to our house is £60+!

I pick her up if she goes out too...so which of us is Andrew and which one is the tag along Tate?

SleepToad · 27/02/2025 19:59

On a more serious note I think a lot of posters have forgotten about John Worboys...so yeah all of you "grown ups" may want to reconsider the risks of a taxi home alone

DorothyStorm · 27/02/2025 20:03

CheeseyOnionPie · 27/02/2025 19:51

No your DH sounds like he’s kind and happy to pick you up. Colleague sounds a tit.

This. Me and dh would pick each other up too. Mainly to avoid paying taxi fares as we are semi rural.