Page 3 | Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

Srepmum1984 · 2025-02-27T08:59:02+00:00

Was having a discussion about some works drinks that will be taking place on Friday and I said husband will be picking me up if anyone else wants a lift home. My husband regularly picks me up after drinks/meal with my friends and also always offers them a lift home if they have had a drink and they don't have alternative transportation for safety etc. She asked if he picks me up every time I go out and I said yes. She then said he sounds very Andrew Tate. Not trusting you to make your own way back. I was very taken aback. Surely my husband wanting to ensure his wife and friends get home safely is not 'Andrew Tate'. He never enforces he is going to come and collect me like a child, it's more along the lines of.... Me: I'm off out now, see you in a few hours Him: Do you want picking up babe Me: Yes pleassseeeee 😂

StripyHorse · 27/02/2025 10:01

DH and I always did this for each other before we had DCs.

We sometimes do this now DCs are old enough to be left while we do taxi duties. It's quite rare that it is needed though, as we don't go out that often - and as I am not fussed about drinking I am more likely to just drive and drink soft drinks to save any hassle.

In the intervening period, DH made it clear that if I was really stuck he would come and get me (which would have meant bundling DCs into the car). This never happened but it was there as an emergency option.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 27/02/2025 10:02

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2025 09:41

On the fence. I don't think it makes your DH Andrew Tatey but it does indicate you aren't particularly independent.

I'm in my mid 60s and have one or two friends who had husband's who picked them up/took them everywhere. Now divorced or widowed, they are a bit of a pain in the bum because they expect others to collect them or take them home on a continual basis or they won'tbe able to come, so manipulative as well. "Oh, I'm not confident enough to drive at night because Tom always did that". It makes them very limited.

I think you need a middle road op. I might just be a bit tough about it because DH has never been available. He's either been working or when dc were younger when I had a rare night out he was babysitting. If I'm having a drink I get a cab, or I don't drink and drive myself.

I don't think you can confidently say this means she's not independent.

My DH will pick me up from nights out, particularly if I go to one particular place as public transport is scarce and you lose mobile signal on part of the journey so I'm not entirely comfortable getting a taxi on my own.

But I'm still very independent - I travel all over the world on my own for work. That doesn't mean it's not nice or more convenient to be picked up from a night out sometimes.

Dweetfidilove · 27/02/2025 10:04

Ddakji · 27/02/2025 09:57

I don’t think it makes your DH sounds like Andrew Tate but never making your own way home from a night out does sound rather infantile if I’m being honest and a bit rude.

Rude? How so?

Flopsy145 · 27/02/2025 10:06

He sounds great, your colleague doesn't

notacooldad · 27/02/2025 10:09

Dh will pick me up any time night or day of he is free( eg not working) no matter what state I'm in. Usually sober now but I had my wild days when we were younger!
No judgement from him.
He is the absolute opposite of Andrew Tate.

hazandduck · 27/02/2025 10:09

She is probably projecting a past experience; I have a friend whose partner is a controlling, misogynistic pig and he picks her up and drops her off everywhere (in the car she bought!) even if she’s not drinking. We all raise our eyebrows every time, I actually imagine he waits round the corner for her. And she is usually on her phone the whole time probably texting him. He definitely is an AT type!

Your DH doesn’t sound like that but maybe your colleague knows someone like my friend who is definitely being controlled :(

godmum56 · 27/02/2025 10:10

ChopolateSauce · 27/02/2025 09:40

I pick my DP up every single time I'm free to do so, if he wants it.

It's not being controlling, it's being kind to the person you're meant to love most in the world.

I'm not going to sit at home twiddling my tits while DP schleps back on foot, or waits around for a bus, or faffs about with a taxi. Fuck that, I'll just whack my trainers on and go to fetch him.

If, of course, that's what he wants. It usually is because sitting in a car nattering to your spouse is nicer than any of the alternatives.

In what world is that controlling?

Edited

Show quote history

this absolutely.

OctoberandApril · 27/02/2025 10:10

bullrushes · 27/02/2025 09:01

Your colleague is a knob

Absolutely.

TommyTyson · 27/02/2025 10:17

What a strange thing to her to say. I'd have said 'What do you mean?' Silly comments need calling out sometimes.

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2025 10:20

She's massively extrapolating. I wouldn't have thought an Andrew Tate type would want his wife going out on her own in the first place

hididdlyho · 27/02/2025 10:20

I mean if your DH was a controlling prick, I don't think it would enter his head to also offer to give your friends a lift home!

StrawberryDream24 · 27/02/2025 10:21

hazandduck · 27/02/2025 10:09

She is probably projecting a past experience; I have a friend whose partner is a controlling, misogynistic pig and he picks her up and drops her off everywhere (in the car she bought!) even if she’s not drinking. We all raise our eyebrows every time, I actually imagine he waits round the corner for her. And she is usually on her phone the whole time probably texting him. He definitely is an AT type!

Your DH doesn’t sound like that but maybe your colleague knows someone like my friend who is definitely being controlled :(

Yeah, I know people who always pick up their partners from nights out due to issues with jealousy and control.

I would not say that out loud to someone though.

ntmdino · 27/02/2025 10:21

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2025 09:41

On the fence. I don't think it makes your DH Andrew Tatey but it does indicate you aren't particularly independent.

I'm in my mid 60s and have one or two friends who had husband's who picked them up/took them everywhere. Now divorced or widowed, they are a bit of a pain in the bum because they expect others to collect them or take them home on a continual basis or they won'tbe able to come, so manipulative as well. "Oh, I'm not confident enough to drive at night because Tom always did that". It makes them very limited.

I think you need a middle road op. I might just be a bit tough about it because DH has never been available. He's either been working or when dc were younger when I had a rare night out he was babysitting. If I'm having a drink I get a cab, or I don't drink and drive myself.

Exactly how independent do you need to be when you're in a marriage that's actually a marriage?

The whole point is working together as a team, because it's better than having to do everything alone.

Mrsdyna · 27/02/2025 10:22

She sounds very jealous. You carry on living your life as before.

Praying4Peace · 27/02/2025 10:22

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 09:06

I’d find it a bit weird if I had a friend whose husband was always picking her up. The odd time, of course! Everyone loves a free lift 😁 But every night out? Wpildnt aay Andrew Tate but feels a bit controlling.
Whats he doing on a Saturday night when you’re out? Sat at home not drinking waiting to drive and get you?

Good point.
Also,OP is extremely fortunate that she is picked up after a night out

Trendydiscussion · 27/02/2025 10:23

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Starlight7080 · 27/02/2025 10:23

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 09:06

I’d find it a bit weird if I had a friend whose husband was always picking her up. The odd time, of course! Everyone loves a free lift 😁 But every night out? Wpildnt aay Andrew Tate but feels a bit controlling.
Whats he doing on a Saturday night when you’re out? Sat at home not drinking waiting to drive and get you?

Not everyone feels the need to drink every weekend.
Lots of us have a fun or relaxing evening without alcohol.
And if a person's partner is happy to pick them up and offers then why not .
It's cold and taxis are often expensive or just a pain

gamerchick · 27/02/2025 10:25

I'd love to be collected from my shenanigans. I'll get dropped off but it's a taxi home.

Just ignore your colleague and if husband is slagged off like that again, I'd be having stern words.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 27/02/2025 10:27

Make sure he doesn't offer her another lift home!

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Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 10:31

Very odd! I thought you were going to say that she had a conversation with him and he was being a bit Andrew Tatey. But saying it just because he is picking you up?? That’s wild.

I am very independent and don’t drive but I wouldn’t mind my DH offering to pick me up at all. It’s a non-issue though because neither of us know how to drive! 🤣

I think your colleague has been watching too many videos about Andrew Tate and is on hyper alert, but she has it way wrong this time 😬

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 10:32

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What’s an AS?

Ihopeithinkiknow · 27/02/2025 10:33

The same posters who seem to agree with your colleague and that you don't sound very independent and infantile would be saying "well why won't your husband pick you up he doesn't sound very nice" if you were on here saying you never get picked up after a night out lol
Your colleague sounds like a twat

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Irridescantshimmmer · 27/02/2025 10:34

Your colleague is foolish, ignorant and stupid.

To start with, it is very generous of your DH to give your friends lifts, he did'nt have to and he went out of his way. This makes him the exact opposite of tate who is a parasite but your idiot colleague may be the jealouse type hence her comment.

She also has bad judgement.