Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

[Srepmum1984]

Was having a discussion about some works drinks that will be taking place on Friday and I said husband will be picking me up if anyone else wants a lift home.

My husband regularly picks me up after drinks/meal with my friends and also always offers them a lift home if they have had a drink and they don't have alternative transportation for safety etc.

She asked if he picks me up every time I go out and I said yes. She then said he sounds very Andrew Tate. Not trusting you to make your own way back.

I was very taken aback. Surely my husband wanting to ensure his wife and friends get home safely is not 'Andrew Tate'.

He never enforces he is going to come and collect me like a child, it's more along the lines of....

Me: I'm off out now, see you in a few hours
Him: Do you want picking up babe
Me: Yes pleassseeeee 😂

I would find it strange if a partner was always available to pick up a partner (I wouldn't comment on it though).
I guess because I'm used to people who are in partnership where both partners go out equally both independently or together and/or they have young kids so couldn't always pick up each other.

I would say it could be controlling behaviour but obviously that completely depends on the motivation behind it.

Picking up because they are available and it's a nice thing to do.
Picking up because they want to keep tabs on you and make sure you where you say you are, with who they allow you to be with etc etc

I wouldn't be insulted by colleague saying that to me unless I thought they were saying it out of malice, but as I said, it would be fairly unusual in my social circles

This does not make you both superior or cooler in any way.

She seems very confused, Andrew Tate is not one for monogamy and caring about his partner, from what I can see. I'd ask her if she's mixing Andrew Tate up with someone and look confused.

I think that would have been better phrased as "This makes you neither more superior nor cooler, in any way".

Is that what you meant?

And possibly projecting her own experiences.

My OH likes to pick me up on the rare occasion that I go out for a drink; this is usually with very close friends or AC. We probably have a little too much and the conversation in the car on the way home is often hysterically funny........OH finds it quite amusing and spends the following day reminding us how daft we all are - in a kind way of course.
It is so lovely having someone take care of us and watch out for our welfare. OP colleague is just plain jealous.

Well, obviously your colleague won't be wanting a lift home with "Andrew Tate" then!

Is your colleague a single woman by any coincidence?

No late buses, rarely taxis. So at times over the years I've given lifts when husband, children, their friends have asked.

Does that make me controlling.

It was a typing error but you knew what I meant.

Well done for correcting me though.

Not that strange surely, I mean those of us with young children would have to take it in turns for a start. But actually, DH and I used to always do this for each other even before we had kids, as long as we were available. We’d probably only go out independently and drink around once a month or so (happy to go out without drinking too) and we live rurally so taxis are difficult to come by and expensive. Plus it wouldn’t occur to me to drink at home if I was just having a night in on my own so no issue there.

My husband frequently picks me up, gives mates a lift home too and will do a cheeky, late night maccies run to cure my hiccups and satisfy my craving for nuggets. What a prick!

She probably wishes she had a man like your husband. Bitter woman, ignore her.

Dude go away with this incel bullshit.

My husband always picks me up and drops me off. I do the same for him. I take him the match and pick him up. I thought this is just what you do when you’re with someone. It’s nothing to do with independence. It saves money on taxis and waiting around for hours for a taxi.

I'm sure most of like beign independent but there are many ways to do that while also accepting a lift to save money and avoid the taxi queue in sometimes minus temperatures.

I am ex teacher and taught sessions to teenagers about Andrew Tate and what he did to women and more generally. I encouraged them to find other people in the public eye to admire.

Your colleague is really ill informed and even saying that about your husband makes her mean and a bitch.

Single is she 🤷‍♀️

I detect a sniff of Jealousy

Oh how stupid. I pick my partner up and he picks me up if we have separate nights out and if we fancy having a few drinks 🙄 and I doubt Andrew tate would actually put himself out for anyone anyway. Your husband sounds lovely some women's just want to be offended by everything a man does.

I nearly always pick my girlfriend up from a night out and take her and her friends home xx to be fair, I often pick them all up and drop them off too! sometimes, if they are at our local I stop in and have a pint of pop with them before I take them all home xx unlikely to be Andrew tate type behaviour as we are both women!! I am just not a big drinker and I often see my mates afternoon/early evening whereas my other half likes a few pints at night with her mates x totally normal amount my tribe and everyone is happy to save money on taxis!!

Your colleague is nuts.

On the fence. I don't think it makes your DH Andrew Tatey but it does indicate you aren't particularly independent.

I'm independent and perfectly capable of getting from A-B myself if I need to. But if my husband offers me a lift, I'll take him up on it. Being independent doesn't mean never accepting help from anyone.

I'm in my mid 60s and have one or two friends who had husband's who picked them up/took them everywhere. Now divorced or widowed, they are a bit of a pain in the bum because they expect others to collect them or take them home on a continual basis or they won'tbe able to come, so manipulative as well. "Oh, I'm not confident enough to drive at night because Tom always did that". It makes them very limited.

That's an entirely different situation and if they won't be able to come, that's on them. My MIL depended on her husband for pretty much everything. He died 20 years ago and now she is in her 80s, she's perfectly capable of doing things herself. Choosing not to once your husband has died, is a choice some people make.

I think you need a middle road op. I might just be a bit tough about it because DH has never been available. He's either been working or when dc were younger when I had a rare night out he was babysitting. If I'm having a drink I get a cab, or I don't drink and drive myself.

Why? It works for both of them, they can do what suits them. Infantilising women by saying they will get too used to things and that's their life ruined is ridiculous.

No, I wouldn’t be saying that - my DH is a wonderful man and rarely picks me up after a night out, and I’m fine with that because I’m a grown up.

Being a grow up means you can't have people do nice things for you?

My lovely husband always picks me up too and always drops my friends home. It's usually once or twice a month, we go out for a meal/drinks.
I'm always knackered by the end and wear stupid shoes so my feet hurt. I honestly couldn't be bothered to wait for a cab.
It makes the evening really easy, if there is ever a time he hasn't been able to pick us up one of my friends husbands will do it.
I often pick him up too if he goes out.
Your friend sounds jealous.

I know someone like this and he is a bit controlling. He is collecting her but then there's always a slight pressure for her to come home as she knows he's waiting to go to bed too. Andrew tate is a bit of a stretch of course.