Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

[Srepmum1984]

Was having a discussion about some works drinks that will be taking place on Friday and I said husband will be picking me up if anyone else wants a lift home.

My husband regularly picks me up after drinks/meal with my friends and also always offers them a lift home if they have had a drink and they don't have alternative transportation for safety etc.

She asked if he picks me up every time I go out and I said yes. She then said he sounds very Andrew Tate. Not trusting you to make your own way back.

I was very taken aback. Surely my husband wanting to ensure his wife and friends get home safely is not 'Andrew Tate'.

He never enforces he is going to come and collect me like a child, it's more along the lines of....

Me: I'm off out now, see you in a few hours
Him: Do you want picking up babe
Me: Yes pleassseeeee 😂

No, I wouldn’t be saying that - my DH is a wonderful man and rarely picks me up after a night out, and I’m fine with that because I’m a grown up.

I see this a lot on MN and I find it really weird.

Your DH helping you out or making life just a little bit nicer for you (and you doing the same in return) isn't indicative of being "dependent". It's being in a partnership. It's loving someone. It's being nice.

I do sometimes wonder what the hell some MNer's marriages are like.

your colleague is ignorant and bitter,
why dont you offer her a lift via your dh and see if she changes her mind?

My dh is similar - just an all round good egg.

I’d be concerned for that colleague though and keep my ears open. Don’t just rush to take offence or put her down. We all speak from our own experience and it doesn’t sound like her experiences have been positive. Abusive men leave their marks in more than bruises - they damage our boundaries, our radar, and our ability to trust.

This. Utterly stupid. Ignore.

Two: big ones though. Late teens

Your colleague's being weird. If your husband was insisting on picking you up and didn't let you use public transport or taxis, or if he was demanding that you leave at a specific time or something, that would be 'a bit Andrew Tate'. But offering to pick you up because he doesn't mind and it's convenient/practical is just him doing you a favour. And saving you the cost of a taxi.

Ok, I do think this changes things.

OP - is he your DH? Or a man you've been daring a few months? Or both - have you recently married him?

Are you concerned about Andrew Tate vibes? Are you testing the waters with this colleague-comment-about-lifts story? Did it actually happen? Or is it a proxy to see what MN thinks about your niggling feelings? Or perhaps it did actually happen and your colleague is noticing something you're not?

Are we talking about the man you were dating in 2024 who was a red flag because he didn’t see his kids much, or the man you were dating in 2021 and were having issues with his kids? Are they both the same man?

They sound like fools. My DH always used to give me lifts and pick me up. Because he loves me and wanted me to be safe and cared for. (He still does it!) Not giving a shit about you and your welfare would make a man more 'Andrew Tate.'

I have had colleagues in the past talking some shit. A couple of them said I need to make my husband have a vasectomy (we had a baby under 1 and a little toddler, and we weren't planning any more.) They said I need to make him have 'the snip' because it's not right that I keep taking the pill. (Their husbands had had one, but they were 42-43 when they had it!) My DH wasn't having a vasectomy because.....

1. We were only in our early 30s.

2. I didn't mind taking the pill at the time, as it controlled my periods brilliantly, and made them 75% better and less painful.

3. We may have changed our minds in a few years and wanted a third child. (And yeah it can be reversed, but we wouldn't take that risk.)

Yet they kept on about it for weeks at one time to the point where it felt like bullying. I didn't understand why because I had NEVER mentioned being pissed off with being on the pill, indeed it was a great benefit to me as I said.

I snapped one day and said 'will you 2 stop fucking banging on, he's not having the snip no matter how much YOU want him to have it! Your men may have had it and bully for them, mine's not having it!'

They were like Never mentioned it again though.

I have got a few similar stories about colleagues and the wanky things they come out with, and how nosey and intrusive and opinionated they can be, but it would take me til 3pm to finish the post! 😆

Is she single by any chance?

After 34 years the importance of independence becomes very clear. FIL died 15 years ago. MIL relies on DH to visit monthly to deal with the post that she doesn’t open and to take her to the supermarket to stock up on the heavies and bulkies because her DH didn’t want her to learn to drive. Similarly I suspect if anything happens to mother or step, the other won’t cope alone.

A successful marriage respects the abilities of the other and is based on trust.

FFS
I dont go out very often on a night but i'd be pissed at my DH if he DIDNT come to pick me up and he ALWAYS offers lifts to anyone would like one!!
Buses from.any of our major towns /cities to home would be a minimum of 2 with waiting around at connection point and at least £6. Taxis prob £20+ now

He's being kind, helpful and saving us time or/and money. And as OP says it's more
Me -I'm going out with pam on Saturday night, are uou OK to pick up and drop off
Him - yep
Me- thanks

I don't think Andrew Tate would give anyone lifts home, but especially not women.

Your husband loves you and is doing his bit to see that you get home safely after nights out with friends. What on earth is wrong with that.

Ignore your idiot colleague.

But surely if the OP is happy with it, that’s what counts? He’s not telling her what time she’s got to come home - or indeed that she can’t go out without him, or at all.

I’d love this. I feel uncomfortable in taxis due to past experiences and the added cost doesn’t help.

knowing someone safe is picking me up means I’d actually feel comfortable having a drink or two. I don’t really drink otherwise as I want to be sober around taxis or because I’m driving myself to avoid using taxis..

‘Babe do you want a lift?’

’no, I would rather pay £££ for a taxi or walk home alone to assert my independence.’

you do you but I’m with OP! If DH wasn’t at home with the kids I’d be very happy with the offer of a safe lift home for me and my friends.

First post nails it!

Husband can offer, wife can accept.
Husband can offer, wife can decline.
Husband doesn't offer, wife can ask.
Husband doesn't offer, wife can get taxi.

Andrew bloody Tate.... 🙄😐

After 15 years...that's not a lack of independence stemming from the marriage, it's a refusal (or inability) to adapt.

Husband Taxis is how I and my group of friends have any social life! We are rural based, public transport not an option. Your friend is an eejit

Your colleague has no idea what an 'Andrew Tate' looks like. Your DH sounds nice.

Taxis cost a fortune round here and Uber and public transport don't exist. It's drink nothing and drive or get a lift back/back from the station which is about 8 miles away. I always appreciate a lift. Pretty normal countryside behaviour.