AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

[Lilacbluewaters]

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up!
so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

Wow! Judgemental or what!!

If they are staying more than 3 nights then they send you their child benefit. You aren't refusing then, just highlighting what they are actually unfairly asking you to do.

it’s very tight of them not to offer cash. id happily give cash to anyone having my child for a few days.

just have the boy for one night or two and say sadly you can’t afford to have him longer

"His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer!"

You have said he knows you are a low income family, so this is very mean of the dad. You are recognising family ties by having the son to stay, dad should not begrudge a financial contribution.
What favours does he do for you?

Odfod. There is always one 🙄 If the op can't afford it then she can't afford it. It sounds like it is very one sided too

Just be grateful you are in the position to save up, especially saving up for someone else’s child. A lot of people, myself included, are struggling to save. The children love visiting our family and we love to have them, but as a parent I’d never dare send my child somewhere for a week and not give a penny when majority of people receive child benefit weekly! Selfish parents imo

I've read the thread and not sure. How often the boy wants to come. We usually cooked a very cheap meals when had relatives around , unless it was a special meal. Usually beans and meatballs or sausages, rice with chicken, something that your whole family eats of and you just share a plate with the guest. Not sure how much he spends

Cold blooded? 😂😂

he helped us move house last year which we were grateful for and treated him as a thanks. But in regards to children he doesn’t help us out.

The bill is taking advantage and using the money he doesn’t spend on his on him self. It’s a problem when you love your nephew, I get it. Maybe someone will show him this thread and he’ll get the hint. Here’s to hoping and good luck, I really hope this works out for you and your husband.

WHAT in the name of universal credit are you talking about? THERE is no comparison between THAT and struggling to feed an extra mouth in holidays when stating you need a bit of help to parents would easily solve the issue.
£20 is buttons really. (in comparisn with teen/on school break per week costs). Maybe kids parents genuinely arent aware/havent thought as far as financial impact. ie.wont know unless tell them?
coldhearted and calculated is almost funny.Extreme. ...frightening cos probably actully thought that.wow

When my DS was younger he used to stay with my DA and whilst she wouldn't accept money I used to get some groceries and treat them to a meal out or something. But the difference is you can't afford it and they haven't offered.

Your DH is going to have to ask for a contribution.

Have people forgot this is her husband little brother. Would people really expect to get money for his 13 year old brother.

Id never ever charge my sister to stay with me, no matter how skint I was. Its your sibling for god sake.

His not yours

I wouldn't now, but I would if I was struggling myself. I think a simple suggestion that you would love to take thrm out to eat and do a few outings and if they could contribute it would mean you can afford to do a few nice things with them while they are there,becuase you havent got a lot of spare funds atm. That should be absolutely fine to say.

I wouldn't dream of asking for money but if your short how about you cook cheaper meals like pasta and rice.

I wouldn’t. Sounds like something my mom would do. Everything is business first, family after. Don’t be that person. His your brother in law after all. My DH always has SIL around (teenage age) and we get her anything she desires. Never really thought about asking anyone for money.

dh has told them, he’s asked multiple times which is just embarrassing as they were sat with their takeaway and beers

Sibling, not son. If we could afford to then of course we would, it just sets us back

then you are in a good position financially. I don’t know what is hard to understand that it is costing us a lot and surely instead of treating yourselves to takeaways and alcohol, you would put your child first?! They want him to stay longer, he wants to stay so of course he is welcome but they should be paying a contribution as at the end of the day if he was at home he would be getting takeaways, days out etc especially during the holidays

That’s a bit harsh to say they are penny pinching. I think it’s polite to send a bit of pocket money for the boy to buy extras when they are staying for almost a week

What happens when you say no? You mention it causes issues

Nope, we have done so while we haven’t been in a good position at all. I’m talking broke. But now we are in a great position so I guess you can call that karma. What does your DH say about it I haven’t read all the posts? From OP it seems like you are quite resentful of your in laws. I would hate for him to get stuck in the middle if he wants to take his brother in free of charge. There’s nothing hard to understand, people just have different opinions and mine is that there is nothing wrong with a bit of kindness. If you can’t afford it then you can’t. You say he likes being over yours? There’s probably a reason why. Charging his parents are going to deter them from sending him and he might fall victim to these takeaways and alchohol like you say.

Op how often exactly does your little bil and nieces and nephews stay with you?

is this a half sibling? If not what does your mil think of it all

are you a stay at home mum. Do you look after his relatives all week while he is at work or is it when he is off work.

For the sake of a week, I'd say just forget about it.