No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

Absolutely not unreasonable. They had several chances to reply.

YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so must have read it because they knew when and where to come.

Well done OP! You were lucky Amanda didn't drop by forcing you to order vegan pizza and customised party bag:)

@arcticpandas I saw that tread 😂
Thank you, I'm getting to lod for this roll on the sleep over/ theme park/ concert days where I only have to take one or two and I know they are coming 100%

I would have still made a few standard boxes up.

Good on you I say

kids suffered because of flakey parents. did you tell the parents when they were dropped off that there would be no food. you are absolutely right in your annoyance, but a little bit of extra food would have gone a long way

It's hardly suffering.

The thing with spares is how many do you do though? Also some kids can drop out due to illness, change of circumstance on the day and they end up wasted. You followed up and made it clear there would be no food for them without a rsvp. It's also very rude to drop off kids at the door and not even take them to the parent hosting and at least say hello. I'm not exactly the most social person but I make the effort to do this at the very least and wish the birthday kid a Happy Birthday.

You were not unreasonable.

@Crankyaboutfood I would have if I'd seen them. It's a local hot-spot for bday parties - the kids know where they are going. Mums didn't stop, didn't say hi, kids basically appeared via the door into sports hall
One mum (she picked up both late) tried to complain, while im carpark, I just said 'party finished over 20 mins ago now I'm running late' and walked off.

@LunaLove1
How many spares though what type of spares?
We have 4 gluten free for allergies in the family, another child that attended was gluten free. 3 Halal, 2 vegetarian. a nut allergy.
What constitutes as spares in this case?
I had space for 40. Invited 30 and was going to feed 32 from the RSVP'd

Yanbu. Can't believe parents dropped children when they not replied so you no idea they were coming.

Good for you but I'd have brought along a little extra food anticipating this. The parents deserve it but the kids don't.

Yes, they should reply, and yes they should only attend if they said yes, but here's my catering tips for dealing with annoying guests:

• provide food for 1.5x the number of RSVPs
• order about 50% fresh and 50% sealed/reusable food types (e.g. fruit and cheese Vs packets of crackers)
• if you can, order food that's part of your main/lunchbox diet anyway
• keep back about 50-75% of the sealed stuff and 25% of the fresh stuff to top up as needed

This approach means you can feed everyone if needed, and not lose out if not.

I hate waste and I can't change other's bad manners, so this is how I do it.

I would have done a few extra because you've punished the children for their parent's thoughtlessness.

They’re children and they’ve been singled out compared to the other children and must have felt so unwelcome. I think this is awful behaviour and I felt so sad for those kids reading this, it’s not their fault it’s the parents. Shame on you to make a child feel like shit to prove a point.

YANBU. Maybe it'll make them think twice about being so rude in future. If their children were upset, it's entirely down to them.

I don’t think you’ve been unreasonable towards the parents and I love your dismissal of the moaner in the car park. I do feel sorry for the kids who went without, as it wasn’t their fault, it was their parents at fault. I’d have probably taken the cowardly way out and made 2-3 extra boxes (as a PP has mentioned, maybe with things your DCs would have for lunch anyway, so as long as they were kept refrigerated they could be reused if
not needed).

@Drkarev Can I ask how may bday parties have you thrown? How much have you wasted because of parents not showing up.
I have thrown random kids into parties before to save wasting spaces and money.
Things happen. I gave birth the early hours of my sons friends party.

I did lunch bags for one of DDs parties, had allergies etc to cater for too. Found it much better than buffet for the waste - especially as most people took their leftovers home!

I don't think YWBU to not provide food - because you were absolutely crystal clear on the invitations. I do feel sorry for the poor kids though, as it wasn't their fault. In hindsight I'd perhaps avoid having the RSVP date in the hols, so you can ask your DC to ask Timmy if he's coming to the party if all else fails.

However, when I did it I did take some extra bags made up, filled with the generic stuff. There were 4 or 5 bags that weren't eaten by extras who either hadn't rsvp'd or were siblings of invited guests, so we ate them for dinner that night as I was shattered! 😂

I don't think you're unreasonable but I would definitely have made a couple of extras. I get why you didn't though! It's just part of my culture to over-cater 😅

I do what someone else suggested above though and try to get a bunch of pre-packaged stuff that we'd eventually get through anyway just so it feels less wasteful.

OP didn't really punish them though. Maybe they will moan to their parents about it and in future the parents won't forget or be so tardy with replying

Good for you OP.

Thankfully children are way beyond the party age but it was a task I was happy to be shot of.

Not the party per se but the relentless chasing up and money wasted on food/places.

In the latter years, like you I found my backbone. Only took me following through the no rsvp no place/no food one year for the message to get through (and for some other families to follow suit).

IME it was always the same families who pulled this stunt year after year and were pissy with their entitlement when their children missed out due to their laziness.

The kids won’t suffer if their parents feed them. And they’ve learned how humans work.

can't believe she had the nerve to complain! Cheeky cow