No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

Good for you. Maybe the rude parents will be less rude next time. I really respect people that stand up to piss poor behaviour. Why should you be expected to pay for their free option?! No,

YANBU on principle and it is infuriating but I would have done some spares. Ultimately you’re punishing the kids, not the scatty and annoying parents, and making them sit there while everyone else tucks in….. I couldn’t do it tbh.

Surely it wouldn’t put your niece at risk to do a couple of spare boxes of stuff you know she isn’t allergic to. But yeah I guess YANBU in pricinple.

I'd love to hear what she said when she tried to complain! Absolute CF.

I am 💯 in agreement with how you handled it. I’ve done lots and lots of kids parties in my time, and I now send out date and time, ask for an RSVP, and then forward the venue or address details once they’ve RSVPed. In the past, Quite a few times, I’ve had kids arrive whose parents didn’t rsvp and lately I’ve managed to avoid this. These types of parents suck, especially for their kids.

Do you not fond most of the food gets wasted with little kids anyway? They tend to take one bite out of a sandwich etc at a party.

You were very clear that the children wouldn’t be fed. I possibly would have made up some extras in case. I did this with party bags for siblings and I knew parents would perhaps stay when dd was young. You didn’t and that wasn’t wrong either.

We recently had an invite to an adult birthday lunch in May. The invites asked for yes or no answers a week after the invite as they had to confirm numbers. Fair enough. Why don’t people do this for children’s birthdays then you could just chase up the ones who haven’t replied.

While I absolutely understand your frustrations, in my experience it’s definitely part & parcel of hosting a kids birthday party with quite a few invitees… It just doesn’t sit right with me to effectively punish the kids for their parents incompetencies!

You were very clear on the invites which the parents must have read to be able to turn up at the right place at the right time!

Silome people get so overly emotional on these threads.

No one has been punished. I think the OP went above and beyond in terms of making the situation clear.

If you don't rsvp, people will assume you're not going.

I didn't even realise this was a thing tbh. If someone didn't say they were coming, I assumed they weren't and so didn't cater for them or take spares just in case.

I would have took a few spare sandwiches etc and chucked it in a box for them but I agree it's rude to just turn up.

I think a bouncy castle party for 40 children is madness! Also, providing lunch boxes is more madness. When my DDs were having parties I would invite the whole class, prep food for 30, send out invites and see who turned up. I’m not wasting my time chasing up RSVPs, catering for a million different food choices and individually boxing it all up to transport to a local gym!
OP, you made a rod for your own back. Oh, and not feeding 2 children because their parents had the audacity not to RSVP is just nasty.

All the people suggesting OP should have made up spares don't seem to realise she could still have been terribly cruel to poor innocent little children - if more turned up than she'd had spares for.

I had this with party bags. I always had two or three extra, made up with what was left over after I'd done the others, but one year I had four who hadn't RSVP'd and only two extra bags.

YANBU OP, you were clear on the invites and did your best to follow up with reminders. Mum who turned up late and complained sounds like an Amanda.

Of course it was wrong! Two children had to sit and watch the other children eat their food whilst being offered nothing! That’s appalling!

Which is down to the parents, not OP. It was made very clear.

OP, I think you were completely justified. Two invitations, and an indication that you needed an RSVP otherwise no food should, I would have thought, have been enough for even the thickest skinned of parents. When I had parties many moons ago, I always knew exactly how many were coming - but the parties were much smaller affairs than forty at a bouncy castle! Perhaps the two DC without food will remind their parents in future to reply to an invitation - not to do so is nothing short of downright rude.

@itsmeits how did the children that didn't get fed react at the time?

It would have definitely given the parents some food for thought-pun intended.I bet they rsvp next time.

That's just shit for the kids. How cruel to not provide food to some just because their parent is an arsehole.
The kids must have felt very excluded
And shame on those who would do the same. Punish the parent, not the child.

It’s not unreasonable, and you’ve hopefully taught those parents a lesson. You clearly communicated the food situation, that’s on them.

BUT I personally would’ve done a couple of generic spares, just in case. And the just in case included just incase one was dropped / drink spilled / someone random turned up. I absolutely wouldn’t have catered en masse for everyone who didn’t reply. I might’ve had a big bag multipack of crisps on standby too.

@Drkarev shame on the PARENTS. Yes the parents for not bothering to reply thinking they are too good for that. For then bringing their child without eating knowing full well that the invitation said no RSVP no food. For leaving their child at the party without even letting the OP know and then for collecting their child from the party late. Shame on those parents.

I personally would have done at least 2-4 extra boxes assuming no allergens. The parents were at fault but I would feel sorry for the kids. You could always use up the food from a few boxes afterwards. Obviously the main ones to worry about were those with dietary restrictions so if they don't RSVP I would just assume no allergy's.

Nah I don't like that really. It is so poor that parents don't respond, I appreciate that. To me the majority of waste at parties is the one bite taken from a sandwich. If you have all packaged kids food for snacks it can all be used as playpieces so all that's wasted preparing extras is 4 cheese rolls.
Again, not good enough not to RSVP but the kids sitting without whilst everyone else eats isn't cool. I would have sent my DH to the shop once I realised that they had arrived and I didn't have food for them

Wow you can pick out the people who don’t bother to RSVP on this thread, can’t you? Congratulations OP, for sticking to what you said in your invitations.

All the people having a pop at OP - how could she prepare extra food for these children if she had no information about any dietary needs/allergies? The parents bolted as soon as the children arrived. Ok, she could have asked the child but then that puts her in a vulnerable position of relying on the word of a child. If she got it wrong the consequences would not bear thinking about.

Good on you OP for being sensible and thorough and I hope your child had a lovely birthday.