No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

I would never let a child go hungry and have to sit watching everyone else eat…NEVER. You are punishing a young child for their parents shitty behaviour… so sad people think this is okay.
It’s not that child’s fault instead call out the parents but don’t humiliate a child that’s awful.

No pressure on anyone to do anything. If another parent has insecurities it's on them to fix not me to think 'oh SoandSos mum never has money or throws a party I best not too, she may feel bad'

If you can't afford it you don't do it. Hence why I hired the hall and didn't do a jump park as £13.50+ PC wasn't in my budget.

There were several kids from my childs school that went to the concert I took DD13 to. I didn't feel guilty that they weren't going VIP that was the parents choice on what to spend per ticket, and mine to treat my daughter and friend.

They didn't sit watching everyone else eat. Why would OP force them to do that? They continued to play and have fun and left with cupcakes.

You could easily find out what OP said if you bothered to look at her replies.

She literally explained the situation and one of the kids said his mum has form for such things including with his own school meals.

OP also didn’t send them home empty handed.

It’s a few hours at a party. I highly doubt the children starved. I guess OP could have asked the children whose parents actually cared if they would share their food with the two extra children, but that could also have embarrassed those children.

The children didn't "go hungry." It was a 90 minute event and they were late so little more than an hour. In which they got a drink and cake.

The pious, maudlin hyperbole in this thread about "hungry punished children" is off the charts.

How is this even legal just to dump your kid and run away? What if they hurt themselves? Are you liable for that too when they don’t tell you contact details.
adult to child ratio as well!

well done for not pandering to them.

Exactly. They just wanted free childcare at OP's expense, and conveniently remembered the party then.

I would no longer associate with such people.

I don't understand what gives said parents the right to be livid. I'm not sure I could hold my tongue with them. I'd have asked them to leave.

Someone commented on here that the party kid would be demonised. I think the only way that child would be demonised is if the parents (CF) were to go on about it as the party goers would have forgotten quite quickly. Kids generally do.

Why would you show up to any event with out rsvping and expecting food. It's rude on their part. Life is already expensive enough without adding on the off-chance costs

The fact is, I read the opening post which clearly said " The children wern't fed"
The drip feed that came after the responses, then included cupcakes....

Of course not, nor have I ever met a British child that was ‘starving’ and couldn’t survive a 2 hour party with just snacks but no lunch box.

This thread bears no relation to the real world. Where people cater for the number of guests they have confirmed.

Yanbu OP and I admire your planning and principles. On the extras though - it would not have been wasteful to have a spare six pack of crisps or a packet of biscuits in a bag just in case someone dropped/spilled theirs etc. They last forever and I’m sure wouldn’t be wasted long term. Agree that the parents are rude and zero right to complain- but at least those kids are not embarrassed for something out of their control. Also after bouncing around for an hour they may well be hungry so a snack wouldn’t go amiss. But I sense you’re not here for solutions - you are venting not genuinely worried about whether you’re unreasonable or not. Clearly the other parents are BU.

That's not actually the point is it?

Yes, the lunchboxes she created for the guests. They still went home with something.

I am heartbroken to read this message and to see how many responders agree with this behavior. As a teacher for many years I have seen so many children broken by the cruelty of adults who selfishly punish a child to prove a point. An 8 year old cannot RSVP and should never be punished and singled out for the neglect of their parent. I can only pray that these children will encounter true Christian role models along their journey to adulthood and that they will forgive the petty childishness of an adult who clearly just wants to be right. How difficult would it have been to find something small, even from a vending machine or to forgo lunch yourself to show love and kindness to a child who most likely begged to be a part of your child’s special day. I can only imagine the message your child received watching you judge these children as undeserving.

Oh FFS. Did you even read the OP's posts?!

Yes.

Baby carrots, satsumas, cubes of cheese, gluten free bread sticks, packs of crisps. Bottled water. Enough for all the non RSVPing children. It would have been easy to put it all into one container and serve on paper plates.

I think you should have packed some extra food. It wasn't the children's fault that their parents dropped the ball. Now the parents can claim their annoyance is reasonable because 'won't somebody think of the children...'

Very poor form on the part of the parents who didn't bother RSVPing, though you could perhaps have assumed some would be away on holiday during the RSVP period if I read your OP timeline right. Horribly bad manners to drop kids off without RSVPing and show up late to pick up.

The late pick-up would have pissed me off more than anything else tbh. It's incredibly disrespectful.

The idea of catering for families who ignored repeated requests to respond is absurd. Advising hosts to prepare a separate stash of contingency food is ridiculous.

The kids weren't stranded in the middle of nowhere from dawn to dusk. They were at a sports center near home for 90 minutes. They received drinks and a cupcake.

Cupcake at the end they got a cupcake.

Yes my children learn parents of other children are CF so install boundaries as you are not a door mat.
Like how I'm a bad person for not giving them food and also the bad person staying with the abandoned kids.
As a teacher for many years you should understand I had somewhere to be. However the school have a handful handy file with all parents contact info in it.
I had to wait with no idea when/if someone would turn up.

Sorry but the parents who didn't reply were all sent reminders. If the children were 'begging' to be part of this child's 'special day' then I am sure the parents could have easily replied, same as everyone else.
To me it is very much they were either waiting to see if something better came up that day, or the parents wanted to dump their children for a couple of hours.
It is very bad form that they didn't speak to the mum of the birthday child, bring a reasonable gift, leave a contact number for emergencies and then arrive late. It is all very cheeky.

What a great idea.
No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Yes, it's a shame the child misses out, but that's down to the rude parent, not you.
Glad your friend is following suit.

You say that as a teacher you have seen many children broken by the cruelty of adults. If that were the case, I would hope that you would have more of a sense of proportion and understand that OP wasn't 'punishing' these children. She did everything she could to chase up the parents who failed to RSVP.

Do you try and force your santimonious Christian views on everyone you encounter? Your hyperbolic language about a child begging to be part of OP's child special day is absolutely ridiculous. You make these children sound like characters in Dickens such as Oliver Twist who were starved and beaten. OP didn't turn them away and they were able to play with their friends and received a cup cake at the end.

As a teacher you must encounter children who are genuine victims of neglect and child abuse. I actually find your comparison of OP's treatment of the children whose mum didn't RSVP with these children quite inappropriate and distasteful.

Well done! And these 2 children have learned a great life lesson about RSVP'ing to invitations. They won't forget, even if their mothers fo.

How very dramatic.