No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

@BreadInCaptivity

I can't wait for it to all end - although I have been lucky and met a few good mum friends- I know not all do.
Once she's 10 sleepovers start 😆

I just do all vegetarian and nut free because it’s easier. So probably 2 basic spares. If you send a child with a nut allergy or gluten intolerance when you haven’t RSVP’d you’re beyond stupid.

Yanbu

Poor kids. I think that was reallymean of you

And that's a whole new world of testing parental patience 😂

(Still better than the parties though!)

No.

It was very inconsiderate and rude of the parents.

As it also was to be 15 mins late to pick their own children up.

The parents were mean in both respects and in expecting other people to pander to their fecklessness.

IME parents like this take advantage left right and centre because they think they can pull the "child victim" card.

The only thing these children are victims of is having entitled, impolite and lazy parents who will keep taking the piss for a long as people are bullied/embarrassed into putting up with it.

What's with all the poor kids? They had a fun party. Maybe the parents will learn some manners, but probably not.

You were very clear on all invites so YADNBU.

All the “ I would have made extra” comments, so would I, but if I hadn’t rsvp’d to a party and was rude enough to send my child anyway, I would be the only person to blame, not the parent who made the catering details crystal clear MULTIPLE TIMES!

Nope. You gave them a warning. That in my eyes is sufficient.
They sound entitled AF.

CF-er parents rely on people thinking like that so they never have to have any consequences for their own CF-ery.

I got bored after reading the 1st paragraph.
For goodness sake it's only a child's party, couldn't you have simply provided some food?

Go you!

I don't think you are unreasonable.

I probably wouldn't have made spares either. In my experience I've never yet had non responders turn up to a party, but I've had plenty who rsvpd Yes, only to flake out at the last minute. So I'd assume I'd end up with spares anyway!

My thoughts too.

It probably took longer to write this post than it would have to chuck a few sandwiches in boxes. The kids won't starve, but the thought of a couple of 7 year olds sitting at a table as all the other kids get food and they don't is pretty shitty. They didn't know it was their mum's fault. Horrible to do that to kids at a party.

The parents in the wrong, seems like they didn't rsvp as they were going to turn up by deciding on the day. They didn't read the card properly and just looked at the venue address and date. Rude that they didn't even speak to you.

But I couldn't do that to children, I would've made couple of extra boxes, with regular food, no special dietary. Then the children that didn't rsvp can either have that or not. Doubt they would have allergies bc if they did their parents would've told you.

No, that’s entirely on the parents. Not like they weren’t given enough reminders!

1.5x?! So for the OP who had 32 RSVPs, that would be providing food for an extra 16? That's madness!!

Not unreasonable at all. They read the invitation and knew full well they were dumping their child at a party with no food for them.

Going a few hours without food is hardly suffering. They'll be fine and maybe the parents will think again in the future.

Don’t be so dramatic! It’s not the OPs fault that their parents are shit. She has explained that they were custom made boxes and without a crystal ball how could OP have possibly known what to include in the boxes. If the kids really felt that bad then they need to convey that to their parents who caused it in the first place by not replying to numerous messages.

OP did provide food, for the ones who said they were coming.

The parents could have simply RSVP'd and their child would've had food. Easy.

You did the right thing.

Don't enable their rudeness. That's the only way they may do things differently in future!

It's a shame for the kids but they will get over it!

HNRTFT but back in the late 90s and 00s this poor behaviour from the parents just didn’t happen!! Why are parents so entitled these days ?!!
I had over 30 children parties,over the years,we had a prompt reply and siblings not invited .

It's a shame for the kids with the CF parents, but it's not OP's fault. It might have been mean had there been a buffet and she'd kept them away from the table, but there was no food available that hadn't already been portioned up, suitable for the relevant child - especially when there are quite a few kids with allergies and other dietary requirements.

It's a bit like if it had been an outing for which a coach had been hired. If 30 people were confirmed as going and so you hired a 30-seater, then extra people who ignored multiple requests to confirm nevertheless turn up... unfortunately, they miss out.

Sad, but other people can't spend their precious time (and money that will go to waste) in making open-ended plans just to facilitate any people who simply can't quite be bothered to take 20 seconds to send a text saying "Thank you - Lily will be coming."

They didn't know it was their mum's fault. Horrible to do that to kids at a party.

I bet they did; it's very unlikely that this is the first time she's done that. Sadly, they're probably used to turning up at parties to a stressed and/or irritated response from parents who weren't expecting them, rather than the welcome with a smile that the kids with the decent, respectful parents did.

It would have been horrible to take a meal from a child whose parents did confirm to give to an unexpected kid, and let the former go without.

For all you know, the unexpected kids might have specific dietary requirements too, which are very hard to know about or guess at if their parents deliberately refuse to give you any clues.

The kind of parent who just turns up and shoves their kids in before disappearing, having not bothered to reply, is probably the same kind of parent who would take against you if you scrabbled around to find food for their child and it ended up being something they couldn't/weren't allowed to eat.

It must be so horrible being a young child with such selfish parents who don't care about your happiness and cheerfully leave you in an awkward situation; much less respect other people who have tried to do something kind for you.

I had to chase constantly for RSVPs in the 00s. This is not new behaviour although I couldn't understand it then either. Why are people so rude when it comes to RSVPing to children's parties. Bizarre.