Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

She asked why parents don’t engage - if the daft rules are set by other authorities then she needs to be asking them why they’re doing it, not us!

On the whole most homework is a waste of time. In forty years of being a parent and grandparent I have rarely seen any homework of value. Give the kids, and their parents, a break. They are 7 fgs.

Do you use a phonics programme? If you teach them how to spell they don’t need to learn spellings.

Yes, the spelling words have the phonics sound of the week in them, as well as a couple of common words. The homework of for consolidation/reinforcement.

@LameBorzoi but as I said in my post whilst I'd like them to read the school book, trying them to read other books, as you do, is great. It's reading! The parents I'm talking about are spending hours at dance, football etc and not squeezing in the 10 minutes needed here and there because they don't want to.

And many of us are exhausted. Whether that's parents with SEN themselves, working full time, caring for others but we chose to have children and need to do our best by them.

But people are all saying on here that they have no time/homework is pointless and time consuming so get rid of it..I'm just pointing out that the OP has zero control over any of this. If people feel strongly about this then they need to express their opinions to the Department of education. Teachers are parents too and we have our own opinions but we can't influence this. (There should still be some time in the day to read to/with your child though)

Homework is very useful . It gets done by the pupil not the time short parent.

There is more to life than academic learning
Dance, karate, football, drama, singing, looking after pets, time with family, cooking, art and play all has so much value and benefit

Why are saying these should be dropped so that more homework can be done.
The child who had a trophy that is an achievement. Maybe they are just not academic but they excel in other areas. Maybe they are not ready for learning, but they maybe in a year or two if they aren't damage by unrealistic expectations and pressure to be a square peg in a round hole.

Every child is different, every child will have things they struggle with and things they excel at. We need a variety of skills and knowledge.
No matter how hard people work some children will achieve the top grades and some will not because never has every child in the UK achieved an A in maths the same year.
While people here talk about the impact on life of not getting support at home they fail to acknowledge that some children will struggle while others find it easy.
It is important for those who struggle at school to have activities in their life that they excel in.
My child who couldn't cope with homework or reading. Learnt to read in their own time and in their own way. School destroyed their confidence and their self esteem and left them feeling worthless.
School refused reasonable adjustments to teach child in a way they could learn as it is easier to blame the child and the parent than the system.

This child has so many talents and so much going for them.

Imagine a society with no art, no sport, no TV/Movies/theatre or nobody doing the jobs you wouldn't want. Is that the world you want to live in?

We celebrate all talents at our school. Chn bring in their extracurricular achievements and they are celebrated in assemblies. But they still need to learn how to read fluently and do basic maths. Only practising regularly will achieve that. A two pronged approach with parents reinforcing the message .

But for those who struggle and can not learn it..doing more of the same at home doesn't help it actually caused my one child trauma forcing them to do something that everyone said they should be able to just do but they couldn't.

Homework should be set at a level that is achievable. It is no good setting homework beyond the child.
What may take 5 mins in one house hold could take 3 hours in a household where the child can't do it.
.

There is children that can do homework independently and actually get pleasure from showing parents their progress.

There are children who need a little encouragement and a support.

And there are children that are actually being damaged by homework. Families in the brink. My child, myself, he while family in distress trying to read a biff and chip book. A book where they child couldn't do it. A book that left the child feeling a failure, a book that often left me punched by my tiny child. A book and approach by school that did nothing to help the child actually learn to read and resulted in child still avoiding reading books now.
They can read now but not because of school and not because of homework

I think it depends what else you are doing. I’m a teacher and we do my DSDs maths and spelling homework with her but we don’t read the school books because they are pretty rubbish, the homework is to re-read what’s already been read in class, and she has access to better quality texts at home. She reads independently every day and she and I still do a bedtime story on my DHs nights (7 in 14) so there’s plenty of reading happening.

I think parents sometimes resent the amount of work coming home to be done, reading/writing/maths (important stuff), then you ask the child what they did at school and the say they watched fecking moana that afternoon or something. Or bring home 5 drawings from the day, when they surely should have been doing the reading/writing and maths??
I always do the homework, but parents can definitely resent it when you've done a full week at work, kept the house clean, cooked healthy meals and are absolutely frazzled by then end of it all.

My primary school DC do an extra curricular activity every day of the week. I think this is much more important to making them a rounded individual than after school homework when they have been in school all day. They deserve some downtime too. I have discussed at parents evenings not having time to do homework and my DC's teachers have indicated this is fine as neither child is struggling. Life is literally too short.

In year 1 - so they are reading phonically decodable books at their level?

Well my son's tutor after finally ringing me back this week had forgotten my son's dad died suddenly last year so I'm no over-awed with their behaviour.

I’m in the minority here …. I believe that spending the very small amount of time required with each child, reading together or discussing/checking homework is worthwhile.

1. reinforcing ethos of putting in effort when asked
2. Demonstrating to DC that you care about their education and supporting them to success
3. showing DC that you are available to them when they might need support or help
4. You become aware of where they struggle or where they find interests

If you are on MN, any minutes after school … you could divert that time to DC “education”. Any MN time during day, or at night - cut it in half & get organized so can support your child in working with your child’s school.

Show your kids that you think school/homework is pointless and they will likely take that idea to adulthood. If doing homework would help them be 5% more educated as adults - would you do it, 10%? Convince me that homework is pointless and has 0% impact on overall educational outcomes.

Wondering also … parents paying private schools - do you think homework is pointless?

This just tells me you haven't had a child suffering trauma from school / homework

Lucky you

My other children we could do the above with. The one damaged by school has needed a very different approach. We needed them to know they were valued and worthwhile as they were and that their value wasn't tied into academic success.
School made them feel failure and worthless because due to unmet needs they couldn't learn the way schools teach.
This is a system failure and not our child fault.

I worked in education for 15 years, I had a similar viewpoint until my children went to primary.

Personally I don’t agree with homework. I believe work should end at school. I haven’t mentioned this to DC but I don’t want them to grow believing it is ok to bring work home with you. You work a 9-5, you get paid a 9-5. Do not work at home, something I frequently had to do when I worked in education.
I believe it creates a toxic work ethic.
Home time should be spending time with the family.

Last year I had 3 DC in primary school and both parents working full time. I would rush home and cook dinner straight away, by the time we’d eaten it was already 7pm. Then after a bath we would sit and watch a series together or play a game. I do not want to spend this time doing homework.
Reading is a different story, we can all read together or they can read a book in their room, but other than reading I don’t think extra learning should be an expectation. This is time to unwind.

COVID definitely had something to do with it.
Unfortunately the government got this wrong. Trying to create a school environment in a home is not feasible. This is absolutely not how home schooling is doing. Making children complete worksheets for hours a day??
This made my two children with SEN completely shut down and they completely refuse to even hear the word now or they have a meltdown.

The format we are now expected to do it in is too complicated.
Our school uses Google classroom. Personally I struggle to use it. I also don’t own a computer and have no need to own one, so this also makes it trickier.
I would be happy with paper format but I don’t expect schools to fund this.

We also have other clubs on at times for example brownies, cubs, football etc. These should not be overlooked for homework.

The idea of spending extra money and effort in providing another pair of shoes to make the cleaners lives a little bit easier? Erm. No. Sorry but as a disabled parent on a low income with disabled children, that's not going to be very high on my list of priorities.

Seems to me that some schools have very unrealistic expectations of parents.

Typical you think you know me and my children.
Likewise I could say -
I tells me you are happy to spend your time blaming others blah blah blah and conclude doing homework makes children feel “unvalued” and like “failures”. Thats the message YOU are communicating. Not the school.

https://educationendowmentfoundation.org.uk/education-evidence/teaching-learning-toolkit/homework

As a teacher this thread is making me feel as though we are pushing a rock up a steep hill in relation to homework. The majority on here feel homework is unnecessary and pointless and due to time commitments /tiredness/extra curricular activities/desire not to promote school work outside school time/children strongly disliking homework and school and having had a negative experience and stress feel homework is absolutely not a priority. OK. But teachers are not setting this homework because they want to , this is firmly established in the educational culture and expected via government/inspection bodies and SLT. Therefore I don't know what the solution is here ? Where will the change come from as seemingly parents and the department of education are not on the same page. As teachers we are somewhat stuck in the middle ?

I think some parents have an unrealistic view of school and of life in general. It is the responsibility of parents, with the assistance of schools, to raise their children to be able to make their own way in the world. The world isn't going to make allowances for their "unmet needs", they'll be expected to get a job and work away.

Wondering also … parents paying private schools - do you think homework is pointless?

@Jeeekers yes at this age and our school agrees, it doesn't start till age 10

Private school parent here also.
Ours had a couple of books sent home for the week ( including a weekend ) but nothing in the first two years of pre prep ( I think that’s years reception and yr1 , but im not very up on year numbering ) They weren’t expected to read both books, they gave them two in case they wanted to.
Then they had termly projects like planting seeds and watching them develop, doing collages and drawing of historical figures, making a model of your favourite building etc…..these were over the whole term and the holiday after it and centred around a class focus area for that term.

Full on prep didn’t start till prep school once their reading and numeracy basic skills were up to scratch and they could work on it without extensive help from parents.
That’s approx age 8 / 9