Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Its not religiously doing the homework - its understanding why that homework is being set. It has a purpose like it or loathe it. Parents could also do more at home if they understand the curriculum. Therefore if there is an issue you communicate with your child's teacher. There must be an element of compromise and working together on both sides.

No, I actually think school is the best place.
How do you think teachers are supposed to cater to each individual's preferences at all times though? This sense of entitlement is filtering through into workplaces now and it's ridiculous.

And the best way to avoid being "a worker drone" is to get the best education possible so that you have choices.

in my personal case

1. i don't believe in/agree with homework. Home is for rest, relaxation, play, downtime, food and family. Homework is intrusive and stressful.

2. I have a child who is disabled and he takes up a lot of my time and attention, and its important the home environment is peaceful and stress free for him to function in his safe space.

3. I'm disabled, and i also have ADHD myself.. i do not have the bandwidth to remember to check emails, log into 5 different fucking homework platforms, check homework deadlines and chase kids to make sure they're doing the homework, then photograph it, upload it and email it...homework i already detest for points 1 & 2 when i have a house to take care of, food to cook, teenagers to chase into the shower...etc.

4. the requests from school have got ridiculous, you're expecting us to do half your jobs for you now.

I'm happy to read with my kids, but the rest of it is quite honestly, fucking bullshit. I'm a parent, not a part time Personal Assistant and Teaching Assistant keeping track of all the stupid requests coming from the school that take hours of my evening to complete or supervise.

But not all schools do it, not at this young age.

My school only asks that parents read with their children as much as possible, both child reading to them and parents reading to the child. That's for reception and key stage 1.

We scrapped spelling homework and spelling tests over a decade ago.

We've never done any other homework.

It's not compulsory for schools to set homework, though some academic leads may try to make it so.

Having a disability is not a preference.

When should hwk start? They have to do it a secondary. Should they not do any at primary?

@Partybaggage you were talking about "worker drones", not disability. Of course there are access arrangements.

It’s the same with end of year tests though.
They have to do them for their GCSEs and yet ( most ? ) secondary schools don’t test at the end of the year for practice.

So when should they start
If say middle of primary years and definitely 2 years before starting secondary school to get ready
Thats both hw and end of year tests. In the early years it could be just for key subjects. ( Our childrens school did all subjects from age 9 and so did I in the 70s/80s from secondary onwards )

i see the laugh react to my post.

wait til you're where i am with a SEN kid in the middle of GCSE's staring down the 4th round of mock exams since september and them being expected to do 3-4 hours of revision, on top of homework every night, when they don't get home from school til 4, have to get time for a shower and food and get to be before 10pm.

The school literally have 4 different apps i'm required to have sign in's for, my daughter has 5.

She is stressed and burned out, i am unwell, i have her older brother and my mother to care for, as well as now trying to negotiate college applications, interviews and meetings.

Its ridiculous, i have never had a job in my life that puts THIS much pressure on an adult, never mind expecting and AuDHD 15yo to work for 12 hours a day 5 days a week, because that's what its turned into.

I had to call the school and tell them it stops before she cracks up. its my job as her mother to look out for her mental health and wellbeing, and she is on the edge of shutting down completely.

Homework (other than her art homework that she finds fun to do) is now banned in my house, she's had to drop a subject at school and does her homework with support at school under supervision of the SEN team.

You can sneer and giggle and find it funny, but homework and bullshit requests in Yr1 are the tip of the iceberg.

Schools treat our kids like shit. It has to stop.

The problem is access arrangements are near impossible to get into place at schools. SEN children and their families are being completely failed by the education system.

If people actually understood how the work isn't tailored to ability, parents are refused alternative provision, children are expected to do work the teacher admits will be too hard as the child is years behind peers 'but this is the level we teach in this class' so they will just have to manage.

Why does education only matter for the able?
All we parents get is messages that everyday counts and homework is vital and yet the system will not make sure everyone gets the education they are entitled to.
ssEN children are often out of education for months and years waiting for support to be put in place for them to attend or for a specialist provision. Everyday counts unless you have SEn or health neds and if that's the case we will brush under the carpet and pretend your not there (or blame parents)

But meeting a child's needs (needs, not wants) is not "pandering", it is the lowest possible bar that we should expect.....and in nearly all schools even that is not being met for at least one or two children (at minimum) per class.

Also, adult workplaces are actually required by law to make reasonable adjustment for disability (etc).

I think the younger years issue is very different from those leading up to GCSE exams
Its normal to expect work to ramp up significantly leading to exam time with many doing little more than revising, doing extra work supplied and practice tests ….constantly and more than you state.
If children had to do exams every summer in the Secondary school years they would be well used to this now….I think that’s the issue.

When it comes to recommended revision hours / day seven days a week leading up to exams that’s all it is really. Recommended.

In terms of homework it’s good to hear your dd is able to complete it at school with support.

For adult workplaces, the key word is reasonable. If someone simply is not able to do the job, adjustments are not reasonable.

And in education every child is meant to be entitled to an appropriate education suitable for their age, and ability and taking into account any disabilities or additional needs.
This is NOT happening!

Investing in education actually saves money long term..failing children by not meeting their NEEDS in school actually costs far more as they will need more support from adults services.

I think it depends what is meant by appropriate.
An education that allows as many people as possible to work, does save money.

I considered costs and space for a third. 47 school activities in 2 weeks at primary school wasn't really in my line of vision. Perhaps primary schools should send out a pack with a sample timetable in to every would be parent. I think you had an unfair advantage as a teacher 🤣
As I said, I do try to be fully involved but completely understand why it's far too overwhelming for many, especially single parents.

@Stirabout

The secondary school I attended in the 60's had two sets of exams every year. The ethos being we would be well used to exams - which we were.

It's so long since DD's were at school I can't remember what they did. If I am reading what you are saying correctly, do schools not have exams every year? Surely I have that wrong?

No, they don't as standard.

They do SATs in yr 6 and 9.
Then in yr10 they start GCSE Mock exam practice.. they do a set of mocks at the end of yr 10.

When i was at school in the 90s we did one set of mocks end of year 10, one in january, then the actual exams in yr 11

Now my DD is in Yr 11 they have so far, done 3 sets of full exam condition mocks since september, are planning a 4th for april and then start actual exams in may.

When I was at school in the 70/80s no other school had end of year exams which I only found out when I met people from other schools on my Saturday job ( at BHS 😆) I was shocked as I just assumed everyone did. I assume My school did but I think because we used to be a private school so they carried on the tradition ( along with funny sayings, typing for all and things like dance classes )
My sons went to 2 private schools and all did end of year exams in all subjects from the beginning of prep onwards so from 9ish.
From all the people I know with kids in state they do not do end of year exams at all. Just the ones for GCSEs and Alevels and of course the mock practices.

@Stirabout @WinterBones

We were the only school (not private just girls grammar) that did two lots of exams, but all the other schools in our area had yearly exams. I thought it benefitted us at the time but it would seem it's not seen as being beneficial.

Now I think of it DD2 did course work and were graded on that.

It must come as a bit of a shock when children sit their first real exams

My cousins children all found it very stressful. One couldn’t even cope with the idea of those individual desks in a big hall.
It seems unfair they can’t get used to this before it’s a really big exam ie mocks or/ and GCSEs

Something that would really help - all the dates being shared in an ical file as a standard thing

There's a pdf on the website, and emails, but an ical would really help most of us!

I think we're straying a bit far here. A 5-6 year old is 10 years away from GCSEs. They've spent an initial 5-6 years learning to walk, talk, feed themselves, be away from mummy, put their shoes and coat on, write, read, add up etc. Looks like the thoughts are that it will twice at long as that studying at home and taking exams to get used to those two things before GCSE.

What many parents have said is that these 5-6yo kids are very very little. It looks like there should be plenty of time in the 5 years of secondary for independent home learning and exam skills. It would be more valuable if primary schools would focus on the basics of knowledge, social skills, confidence, and instilling a love of learning rather than the reverse.

This thread has made me decide to do less homework actually, I'm sick of wasting so much weekend time with a sad kid who should be having fun. I'll do one hour plus reading each week with him from now on, that is all. If too much is sent that can't be finished then so be it.

This. My kids all have really wide feet so cheap shoes weren't an option. Having shelled out £50 each for a proper pair of shoes they would not be wearing "indoor shoes", whatever they are. Why is the school so stupidly muddy? Sort that out then your cleaners won't have a problem.

I started school in the late 60s. The only involvement my parents had with school was once a year parents evening and a nativity play. I first had homework at age 11 and they didn't get involved with that either.

My elder 4 DC started school in the 90s. Reading with all of them but nothing else.

Youngest started school in 2011, still only reading homework before Y3, but we did have to provide everything by then and the wear a yellow T shirt tomorrow and bring in a scale model of a castle by Thursday was always frustrating. Thank goodness for a local Asda and Sainsburys.