Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I'm probably pretty close to, if not already THAT parent. Oh and just for good measure I'm also on genuine first name terms with the headteacher. We don't do and never have done any kind of homework in this house. Staff occasionally try and send it home and in one memorable occasion gave my child a detention for not bringing in a worksheet. As for reading books, pencils or shoes I'm afraid these are the least of my problems.

Now for the context:
My child has very complex needs. To the extent they're 2:1 supported in school while the LA arse about insisting they are fine in mainstream (they really, really arent). The reason I spend so much time speaking to the headteacher is because of the complexity of their needs and because my child is walking a VERY fine line between remining in the school and being permanently excluded on grounds of extreme challenging behaviour. Something I actively want because then the LA will have to pull their fingers out and sort out a specialist place for them. SEND provision is absolutely dreadful in my LA. As in 'safety valve' dreadful. The homework thing is an agreement between the headteacher and I- and I intend to write it in their EHCP at the next annual review. My child rigidly compartmentalises home and school. Sending homework home usually results in an explosive meltdown where something gets damaged, broken, my child puts themselves at risk or (more usually) I end up being hurt. As an aside, don't turn up to A&E with a broken limb caused by your primary school aged child. It creates one hell of a kerfuffle.

I'm not OK. I'm very, very far from OK, another reason I spend so much time talking to the absolutely wonderful headteacher. What the headteacher knows but I have explicitly asked her not to share is that like most SEND parents I know, my health is circling the toilet. My anxiety is through the ceiling amd I'm medicated to the eyeballs for this. There's a VERY good reason why all communication between home and school is done via email- the panic attacks from seeing the school phone number flash up on my phone are just awful. I also have multiple sclerosis. Trust me, you really, really don't want to know how totally life destroying this is. I've got other children as well as the one I've mentioned here. Their Mum is becoming more and more disabled every single day infront of their eyes. But the day you choose to speak to me at the classroom door about my child not having their pencil might just be the day I finally break and break for good.

To sum up a quote I've seen around a few times:

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

I know this isn't the case in my class though, lots of affluent parents with fancy jobs, plenty horse riding clubs and exotic holidays!

So out of a class of 30, none of them have separated parents? Every single parent has a good job? I find that very hard to believe.

Whilst I always make sure my kids have their reading books in on the right day, their dad has been known to lose the reading diary or not have a clue when the right day even is. There's lots of opportunities for stuff to get lost between houses.

The parents who don't bother are those that don't value education. This is why their children will grow up with a poor work ethic and the cycle repeats itself through generations.

The parents themselves are likely in the working class and not educated to graduate level. Perhaps they dunt even know how to help their kids, because they don't understand the homework themselves.

I saw a post in another group I'm in. It was a reading comprehension test and the mother who had helped her child got all the questions wrong. It was very basic.

Things like the demographic of the pupils. Is it a faith school or not. Faith schools generally do better.

My kids are older now, but I always supported them with homework. I understand the value of education, unlike many of the responses you're getting here. People are full of excuses for not doing it. Asking you why they do spellings and other nonsense. Saying they're exhausted after work... it's so excuses.

Kids learn from their parents and it's very unfortunate.

I value education that meets the child's needs. Currently in UK schools too many children are not having their needs met. They are being left to struggle in a school environment that is not appropriate for their needs.

Stop parent blaming and lets address the issues in education.

For you information, I am a teacher myself and highly educated. But there is no way on this earth that my one child could manage homework. Quite frankly they suffered enough in school not having their needs met.
I know the system and fought for years to get essential support. I got absolutely nowhere.

No one really gives a damn about children drowning in the education system. People can only see things through their narrow perspective and when life comes easy to them and their children they can not comprehend how others have a different journey. It is so easy to blame and assume the parents are to blame much harder to address the actual issue

There is nobody ignorant enough to think teaches work 5 hours day!

That would be great but obviously not realistic in the currently climate. The indoor shoes no way benefit me BTW, it's just a big hassle for me. It's for the benefit of the kids not sitting on a dirty floor and for the cleaners.

My kids school ask for indoor shoes and their playground is purely concrete, not at all out the ordinary where I live. Low earning parents get uniform grant so perhaps they could use that. Or people are always giving them away on the local upcycle page where I live.

My guess? So Friday's lesson plan is always the same: "spelling test". It's easy to do and provides lots of data for assessment purposes. It also means there is less marking to do over the weekend.

Maybe one or two but my point is it's a much wider issue than that, as you can see by all the posts on the thread. However my question was intended to understand so I can help, and now I know.

Re: it taking ages to fish out books or mark homework or get 30 kids to change shoes (which I agree is ridiculous) that's literally part of your job. Every job has frustrating or crappy bits, some more than others, but it's not unique. The class not bringing stuff in classes as annoying but they're children not colleagues.

Wasnt there a study which showed that the biggest contributor to a child's success is parental input? And maybe peer group. It eould be interesting to follow these group of students into their secondary years to see how they turn out ........

@SandyY2K
The parents who don't bother are those that don't value education. This is why their children will grow up with a poor work ethic and the cycle repeats itself through generations.

The parents themselves are likely in the working class and not educated to graduate level. Perhaps they dunt even know how to help their kids, because they don't understand the homework themselves.

I saw a post in another group I'm in. It was a reading comprehension test and the mother who had helped her child got all the questions wrong. It was very basic.

Things like the demographic of the pupils. Is it a faith school or not. Faith schools generally do better.

My kids are older now, but I always supported them with homework. I understand the value of education, unlike many of the responses you're getting here. People are full of excuses for not doing it. Asking you why they do spellings and other nonsense. Saying they're exhausted after work... it's so excuses.

Kids learn from their parents and it's very unfortunate.

Whilst this may be true for some families, the ones that I get frustrated with are the ones who are more 'middle class' work, have nice holidays, children go on days out etc and don't read with their child.
One girl proudly brought in a dancing trophy the other week with photos of a weekend at a dancing competition. Whilst it's lovely to see, why couldn't they grab her book and do ten minutes at some point whilst waiting around? It doesn't make a good Facebook photo and they can't be bothered.

Or course, just trying to ask opinions to think of ways to improve the process, like I'm sure most people do their their job. As I have said I have much more information now to work on, I had no idea how much of a struggle it is for people.

Very true. There was a girl in my class last year who spent all her spare time horse riding but was miles behind the rest of the class with her reading and it upset her. While I think it's amazing she is achieving in that area of her life which obviously builds her confidence, it would have been great if her parents could have dedicated even an hour if that a week to help her progress.

As I have mentioned my daughter struggles with literacy and I can't imagine not making it a huge priority but obviously I value education.

I sympathise, I'm a full time teacher and I have two children who attend numerous clubs. Without meaning to sound rude, this is why we didn't have 3 because of the extra commitment of a 3rd child.

It's a massive struggle to do everything but, as a teacher, I'm happy if parents get their child to read to them (which you do).

I've a parent in my class whose child barely reads their reading book (that frustrates me!) and doesn't do homework but like you they read other books and their child learns about different topics at home so I completely understand. It's patents who do nothing that drive me mad!

Typical that there are posts telling the OP what she should be doing different whereas other people seem reluctant to modify their behaviour.
Now obviously there are varying issues but some people have made choices that might be negatively impacting their child’s educational progress but don’t want to own it. I’m not talking about SEN or poverty or mental health crises before anyone jumps on me.

Bit of compromise from both sides needed.

I work in a school, y1 and y2 TA. I hear you! Ours have homework in the way of spellings (approx 6 per week). The effort from parents for the most part, is ok. However there are the same children every week who don’t have PE kit, don’t have consent letters signed (despite us delivering BY HAND to the parents) don’t practice spellings and don’t bring in their reading books. It’s frustrating for us, but mostly it’s heartbreaking for the kids. They realise they aren’t doing what the others are doing. A lot of the parents are super quick to criticise as well, if a reading book hasn’t been changed due to staff illness, for example. Drives me mad. We are so over stretched as it is, a bit of parental support wouldn’t go amiss!

I just struggle to fit it in. After school club or other activities then dinner, bath and bed and a bit of downtime and playing (during dinner prep) and the evening is gone. Eldest has ASD and while they love reading now they didn't enjoy practising their reading book in year 1 so I didn't push it as I didn't want to create bad feelings and negative associations - just read to them instead. Youngest is keen so take their lead.

I could be one of your "middle class" parents. I have postgraduate qualifications, and work in a well paid professional job.

I also have ADHD and mask quite well. This means that while I can thrive at work, by the time I get home, the medication has worn off. There is zero chance of me getting any boring readers done at all. Fun books I can manage.

I don't make my kids do homework because evidence for it is poor. My kids are like me, and I can see that boring homework is as damaging for them as was for me.

It says that the EEF says that that is the aim. It does not say that it achieves that aim.

In all honesty, 6/7 year olds should be going home to play and socialise with their families, there is no need to push more formal learning on them outside of school hours, at this age they learn through play and exploration but our education system is dreadful and our government doesn’t care for the needs of children, we need more play, more structured outdoor activities, more breaks throughout the day, less sitting still and writing at desks for hours.

The reading books they send the kids home with are complete dross - I let them go wild in the library and read whatever they like. They probably read for an hour each night but it will look to the school reading books are untouched.

At my school parents can record any reading the child does, but just school books.

However the school books are the main ones we look out for. These are directly linked to the child's current phonics level in terms of decoding, expressive reading and comprehension levels. So yes, the story line might be limited simply as the child isn't yet able to independently decide enough sounds to include more interesting text. That will come with time. But those early books have an important benefit to the child.

We read a book with a child three times in school, each time with a different focus, and then send it home for a week. By the time it flies home the child should be able to read the book pretty fluently with good expression and full comprehension.

Additional books from home, school or library are great for learning new vocabulary, developing an interest in more complex stories and listening to an adult read passages with fluency and prosody.

I don't have it at hand as I'm at home laid in bed scrolling right now. But it's been the case for many years, certainly as long ago as my daughter being in school and she's in her twenties now.

But an internet search of educational papers will usually bring it up.

Spelling tests for young children don't generally lead a child to be able to independently poly those spellings to their every day work in English and topic. Many children can achieve 10/10 in a weekly spelling test but then fail to apply those in their written work.

It's better to learn spelling and phonics rules, and other little 'tricks' for trickier worlds over a period of time,, with regularly reminders as they go - so it becomes second nature rather than short term memory learning.

This
Stop trying to teach the class you wish you had, and start teaching the class that's in front of you.
Ex-teacher here.

Move to a less affluent area? If she can't handle kids not doing their homework how will she cope with seeing poor kids that haven't eaten?

I personally find girls that age a lot easier to get to sit down and learn but someone will tell us we are both being sexist haha