Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Not even weekly spellings ? And/or (library) books? World book must be a struggle

For us. Not in reception or year 1

In many countries children don’t start being taught to read till age 7 and dont suffer academically because of it
Some would say they do much better

Ours were read to in school which garnered a love for stories without the pressure ( plus they did start very basic recognition)
world book day wasn’t an issue,

@Aria999 in answer to your question re private schools, no, I do not think homework is pointless and neither do the majority of parents of my children's classmates.

The children's attitudes towards homework are included in their reports. If it was regularly not completed, there would be a meeting between school and home to address the issue.

When I was at school (also private) we didn't start getting homework until Year 2, which I think is late. My children started getting books to take home in Nursery. The amount has ramped up since my eldest started Year 1.

As parents, we support the school ethos, or we wouldn't send them there. Aside from the academic benefits, which are clear from the results they get, it teaches them routine and discipline. By the time they get to secondary school it will be an accepted part of their day.

Actually it was @Jeeekers question, I was just answering it from my own perspective.

@Jeeekers they can take library books if they want to, DS often does. He has read everything they can give him on Greek mythology.

Spelling they seem to be learning just fine during the school day.

And that's the fundamental problem with society. People are only seen as valued if they grow up to be good little worker drones who never have any needs. Children are only valued in the school system if they sit nicely in their chairs and learn their spellings and times tables by rote.

A decent society would try and meet unmet needs, not just discard anyone who doesn't fit a very narrow, made up profile.

There is a massive drive in primary schools to teach children to be aware of their mental health needs and also for teachers and staff to think more in terms of where negative behaviour comes from . We have always been aware but there is a drive from local authorities to adopt a a more inclusive behaviour policy.

I'm definitely with others on this one. My daughter is given a reading book way too easy for her. I asked her teacher for something which might develop her a bit more, and she said 'sorry, I can't, she is already in the top group and if does the higher levels now, the year 2 teachers won't know what to give her next year'. She will read 'room on the broom' 'zog' 'beatrix Potter' type books with ease in about 10 mins, which are around 20-30 pages long. Giving her a book with 10 pages will be read in 3 mins, and she will be able to answer questions etc.
I think the frustration around reading the same book again and again is that it isn't stretching them. She will do it because she will read anything she can get her hands on, from Harry potter to the takeaway menu! But for children who don't love reading, I can understand how it's a battle to get them to do it.

And she is the youngest in her class, so the older ones must be really fed up.

@Partybaggage there's always the option to home school?
If you send children to a school, where there are 20-30 other pupils in a class, you can't expect each individual to be pandered to. It would be impossible. Also, that's not going to happen in life, so it wouldn't be preparing them for the future.

I don't get it. Surely if the parent engages with school and assists learning that child will benefit. Exhaustion from working isn't a valid excuse. I was a parent governor and in school at lot whilst my children were in primary ed and also working. My DH was a teacher and we've instilled the importance of education from day 1.

My eldest had an IEP and we hated spellings every week. We still did them and struggled through. He's now at a top uni and fingers crossed getting his degree this year. Son no. 2 has SEN and again we struggled through engaging with school and he went to uni last year. Neither has had an easy ride through but engaging with the school has helped them achieve.

I think if your child is struggling with something you should make time to help them but that's a bit different from making all children do extra work in their free time just because they can.

I work nights. I sleep during the time they are at school and then 4 nights a week I have 2.5 hours for all the necessary jobs around the house and to sort dinner and I'm off to work again. The days I don't work I'm catching up on mountains of washing, life admin, shopping etc
I have 3 children. One in nursery, with extreme challenging behaviour due to ASD. My middle son is in highschool and is a superstar. He has always worked hard and homework etc isn't an issue. My eldest never did a stitch of homework. Again ASD. I gave up fighting him to do homework when I realised how it was affecting not only both our MH but our relationship too. He's now in higher ed, with aspirations of becoming a Dr. Not doing homework in school hasn't caused any setbacks. So actually, I'm very satisfied with my decision and would do it all over again.

That would be against our school policy. Every child gets a book appropriate to their ability and they are assessed regularly on the next level to see if they are ready for it. We would never hold them back for the reason you have described. Needless to say in general the ones that practise at home are usually ready to move on more quickly.

That's what I thought and naively believed to be the opinion of most parents but judging from this thread we are in the minority.

Parents looking at homework and school requests for engagement and immediately dismissing them as 'not helpful' are making these things not helpful or worthwhile to anyone.

Teachers still have to offer homework of high quality and if it was made use of, a difference would be seen.

It's not that there's no benefit to supplementing learning in school, it's that individually people won't see any because they're not bothering, and if many pupils (parents) don't engage, the premise of homework overall won't work out as productive, when evaluated.

It's like researching whether seatbelts improve safety. If the majority decided 'no' on principle, most people refused to wear them at all, and studies were done on the numbers of lives protected where there were seatbelts fitted (wearing being optional) in cars involved in a serious accident, you could probably conclude that they aren't worth it.

All you have done there is further demonstrate what i was talking about.

Your solution is to shunt children who need a different approach out of schools so they don't cause problems for the future worker drone children.

Inclusivity is not pandering.

That’s quite the generalisation and not what parents are about.
Its not through lack of wanting to engage
It’s through a lack of schools reading the room. They need to appreciate households don’t all have mum at home in a piny anymore waiting for their kids to finish school. People have to work
Schools must start allowing for that and stop shaming parents.
This lack of acceptance just makes those that can’t fall behind and scared of school
Do you have any idea how horrible it is going into school knowing you haven’t read that book or done that maths because your parents work and aren’t there to help you.
I do.
Mine couldn’t.

Learn from this thread OP…….. I beg you!

Victim blaming

My child trauma is real and not minor.
I also had a child who sailed through homework.

Same school same parents. But somehow it's our fault that this system isn't appropriate for other children. You haven't a clue.
My child became suicidal due to school and homework. The message if failure and unvalued didn't check me from us it came from a system that didn't meet their needs.

It depends whether you agree that religiously doing the homework prescribed by the school is always the best way to support your child's learning.

Oh the real world. The real world is far more accommodating than the school system.
In the real world if you have trauma and mental health issues you are signed off work as medically unfit. For a child they are forced back into the environment making them ill over and over again.

In the real world accessible to work provides equipment to enable equal opportunities. In school children are expected to just manage.
One recent example is the child who had to take the LA to court for BSL interpreter to ensure she had the same access to education as hearing peers. She won but the time, effort and stress for the family was unreal. And the next child will have to start battle from scratch.
In the real world accessible to work ensure communication support (captions, interpretation etc) are provided as needed.

The real world is far more flexible and reasonable adjustments than schools have ever been

Well said.

I'm an ex teacher and i work in children's mental health. I have two of my own.

Homework is too much in year 1. Young children need to play. They don't have enough time to play and they don't get enough play time at school either. Reading at home is fine and I think most parents do the reading.

Parents are working- they are busy. Parents don't feel the same after covid and the sen crisis. The 'attendance' crisis and the fines are causing bad feeling. Schools not listening to parents with children with SEN- 'we don't see it here', 'she's fine once she's in'. All of this stuff can't just be brushed under the carpet. Things have changed. The education system needs to change to keep up. Rates of home education are higher then they have ever been and this is parents taking things into their own hands.

And most family with a child with SEN end up having to home ed as schools won't meet needs.

We home ed not through choice but because we got no support or adjustments and our child was suicidal.
I had a career I had to give up this has halved our income. It wasn't a choice because we had no other options.

But every child should have a right to education

That's so lazy of the school @Bushmillsbabe there are loads of books out there for all abilities!

I used to get this from teachers as a child and it was infuriating. I used to think 'don't make me read the school books at all if you're going to confine me to the baby books, I have plenty interesting books at home!'

Yes this @autumn1638

Young children need to play.

There seems to be a contingent of people who feel that if children aren't bored and being made to do something they don't enjoy for a large part of the time, we are in some way being too soft on them.