To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

[kritzkreig]

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

My MIL said ‘oh no you haven’t’ When we told her DDs name, also a classic name. She was pissed as there was a name she had liked (popular in the 70s) I refused to used.
She then told me SIL didn’t like it - but I had manners enough to never tell SIL her children’s names are dumb.

While I'm a nosy name nerd and am curious about the name, it's irrelevant here. Whether or not the name is objectively bad or not, MIL acted incredibly rudely. She was invited to meet her grandchild, and her response was to ridicule someone who has recently given birth and refused to let the subject drop when challenged on it. Then went bitching to SIL so clearly has not reflected at all on her behaviour. If she is genuinely concerned about the impact the name will have on the child, then she can address those concerns without nastiness.

Please do a name reveal! Everyone is on the edge of their seats 😂

Or de Wett?

This happened to a friend. She really thought the name was a joke. It is about the name.
Ophelia perhaps?

Ida Clare?

Lana?

It would have to be a really terrible name to justify that reaction - even then there are politer ways to point out any potential problems. If it's classic then I think she's just being a cow. She doesn't like you and she's just making a scene to get at you.

There can be reasons to point out when a name is bad - I knew someone with the surname Lyons who thought the name Rory would be great for her baby boy until someone pointed out what it sounded like! She was grateful to them and everyone had a laugh. But you don't have to be rude and sneery.

My DD does have an unusual name, which we loved. When pregnant with DC 1 we told my mum our girl's name choice and she sneered and huffed and said "you can't call a baby that!!!" DC1 was a boy - my mum v relieved. Until we had a girl a few years later and out came the name My mum can lump it - she's rude and it's not her decision.

we didn’t go with the Flo ha ha but we called our kitten Florence and Florence she always was, not shortened - it’s a lovely soft sounding name

I think my pregnancy hormones played a part in my choice of name for my son. I was grateful to the Doctor who tried hard to hide his laugh. It turned out my son would have hated the name

it doesnt matter what the name is theres way of politely saying you dont like it

Oooh Gertrude and Hilda was on my list. Along with Ruth or Ethel. Maybe something a bit more out there like Brunhilda. Or Donna.

@MeganCarter we need to start a new thread

'What name didn't make the cut but was given to a pet, as you couldn't let it go?'

'Names wasted on pets'

'Pet names that you were not brave enough to use on your child, in case you upset MIL'

You get the gist 🤣

All four of DS’s grandparents loathed and were embarrassed by his name. We didn’t let it bother us. They have truly dreadful taste in names, as testified by our and our siblings.

That's as maybe, but the way she went about it is totally unacceptable and bloody rude. If she'd had any genuine concerns, she could have taken her son aside and had a quiet, diplomatic word and got her point across.

As it is - well, she can get stuffed quite frankly.

yes, do it! I have a few lol

The name might be something like Matilda, really cute and quite on-trend for fans of medieval history and Roald Dahl, but fresh meat for a certain type of nasty little school bully, "ooh look! Here's Fatty Matty!" If that's the case, there are better ways for Granny to express her reservations. Anyway, it's not outlandish or outrageous; after you've excluded the likes of Demerara Cowpat and Hyacinth Bloomers, you can only go so far in fending off bullies and over-critical Grannies. Much further and you and your beloved new baby risk being gobbled up by what other people expect and consider to be normal.

Yeah you did the right thing. Its not up to her and she needs to learn some respect and manners. I wouldn't let her back round unless she apologises

THIS

Your post is about how you responded to your MIL's rude behaviour, not a poll on your child's name so I'm not sure why some posters think it matters.

I think you did the right thing. Start as you mean to go on and leave MIL in no doubt that you won't put up with her trying to undermine you.

Hopefully she'll apologise and remember her manners on her next visit.

1. Because most people want to know, although her MIL was unforgivably rude, did she have a point regarding the name.
2. Because we are just nosey

I don’t think anyone thinks MiL hasn’t been rude, but the whole context is the baby’s name so knowing it has some relevance to the answer. Honestly I wish one of my grandmothers had told my parents that my own name was utterly ridiculous and wouldn’t age well! It’s the kind of name that would be utterly howled at if suggested on the Baby Names forum. And that place comes up with some zingers.

This is our top name at the moment 😂

I love my name. I’d never give it out on here though for obvious reasons. So although it’s annoying I can understand why OP isn’t telling us the name.

She could just make one up and pretend it’s that one to us , for her own giggles. Watch the reactions on here 😂 🍿

Oo I do love it as a name. It’s stylish. And then someone said look at it backwards and I’ve never been able to look at it in the same way since.