To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

[kritzkreig]

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

OP posted that she and her DH "chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning." It's CLASSIC so why are some people assuming it will be outlandish or bizarre and that must be the reason MIL has been so rude about it? We don't need to know the name (as much as I'd love to but it could be outing) - MIL is just a rude, nasty cow.

I'm not saying you're unreasonable because you're not but we had a politer version of this from my mother and mother in law over ds1's name and we just laughed it off. They got over themselves pretty quickly.

I definitely wouldn't apologise but neither would I hold a grudge. Agree to disagree.

YANBU, and you should block her.

Hats off to your H.

Could be worse OP. My mother reported me to social services over my DD's name. Apparently it was evidence of my poor decision making and my inability to prioritise my DF's best interests.

We xpost.

Let’s do that.

Patience ? Grace ?

Not rtft just looking for the name

Ugh. My SIL is like this. She grimaced when I said DC's name and said "no I don't think you can do that, it won't go down well" Go down well with who I don't know (or care). I have F all to do with her these days which is blissful.

That’s what I keep telling DH! SIL keeps going on about how MIL was ‘just shocked’ and didn’t mean any harm, but I don’t see how outright laughing and saying she’s embarrassed is anything but nasty.

I know MIL can be difficult, but I really thought she’d at least pretend to be happy for us. Clearly not! No way am I apologising when she was the one being rude.

wtf 🤣 are people really this barmy ?

yes, but the 'THEIR mistake' and 'THEY will find out in time' only goes so far when, actually, they the parents won't be affected at all by the terrible name, it will be the poor child who has to go through life saddled with it. So if it IS a truly terrible name I do think there is some obligation on close family or friends to say something, for the sake of the child not the parents. Lots of people like things until they realise everyone else is making fun of or judging them for liking them, then they change their minds (or at least keep schtum about it!)

However that does only apply when it is a truly awful name/the parents aren't aware of another meaning or pronunciation or whatever. If, as sounds in OP's case it's a perfectly normal name that's just not to the MIL's taste, which is rude.

It's got nothing to do with the name and everything to do with her trying to get on over you. I'm sure she was shocked when your DH stood up for you and your daughter but she clearly hadn't thought it through. I'd love to know the name because I'm nosy but a classic not to common name with a lovely meaning is clearly not the sort of name that anyone with half a brain cell laughs at in someone's face. She's a twat. She needs to sort out her stupidity and nastiness if she wants a place in her granddaughter's life because right now it's clear that your DD is better off without the wicked witch of grandmothers.

Let dh take the lead with this one and let him interact with sil (and tell her to do one)

"She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life."
She excluded herself by behaving as she did.

"SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over."
SIL is wrong. Her mother is the one who made things difficult, and it is her mother who should apologise. Your MIL needs to learn to take responsibility for her own actions. Consequences.

Just drink Irn Bru

I hated my name as a kid - you may be surprised that Peggy is not my real name!
Every girl in my years seemed to be called Sharon, Tracey, Debbie or Joanne.
They were the fashionable names.
I was named after my grandmother as well.
I am so glad my mum stuck her neck out and stuck to my name as I grew to love it.
Back in my teens name likes Ivy, Elsie or Ada were the height of hideous. Now they are back. So MIL is reacting from her place in time.
However, she was vile and good for you. Take no notice of SIL.
Stick to your guns. If you give way now she will get over involved, be giving you her way of doing everything, and could be too much when it comes to your DS.
Your home, your baby.
Will Doris ever come back? That’s another poll….

Why does SIL think you should ignore someone being fucking rude to you in your own house? That is batshit. When she sends her next message about how you’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life. Reply and say she excluded herself by being extremely rude - she is welcome back when she is ready to apologise. She can think what she likes but she can keep her opinion to herself when she is with you.

When we had son, no.2, I had a card from an Aunt, saying Lovely Surprise, Meg!
so obviously my mum hadn’t mentioned I was expecting despite their weekly catch ups.
Apparently she thought I should not have had another one so soon after the first - these things happen.
My Aunt knew as I had sent a letter and photo. Mums can be weird. (controlling judgemental shrewish, sanctimonious, mean spirited, old fashioned and nasty)

OP enjoy your baby and loyal husband, best wishes to you all

I'd be telling SIL you've nothing to apologise for and that MIL is the one who needs to apologise.

That she needs to understand that you will not be tolerating rude, unpleasant or controlling behaviour where DD is concerned, so she needs to get used to it now and behave like an adult or she's going to find out exactly what being 'excluded from her GD's life' feels like.

She sounds like someone gearing up to being a persistent bloody nightmare, so I think you've done yourselves a favour stamping on it, hard, right from the start.

I might not have bothered to kick her out but certainly she is the one in the wrong here and of you choose that as your reaction then you're not being unreasonable. I'd personally have "politely" her that if she wants to have a part in naming a person she can go have another child, but this is your daughter and it is shockingly rude to say something like that.

She’s the one who should be apologising.

You're dealing with a narcissist MIL who has deployed her flying monkey (SIL) to do her dirty work.

www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/types-of-flying-monkeys/?amp=1

You're going to have to stand firm together against this campaign.

Block SIL as well as MIL.

Another one here for the name 🤣

But no matter what OP, if it happened how you said, you're not in the wrong.

my Mum had a step sister Doris it was old fashioned then, in the fifties