To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

[kritzkreig]

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

Yep, this. And Princess FluffyBollox has just become the preferred nickname of my supercilious, house ruling cat !!

You're not being unreasonable and it's so refreshing to read one of these threads that ends with 'and then we kicked her out' as opposed to the usual 'and no one said anything and I wish my DH would stand up for me'. Fair play.

How recent is “recently” OP?

and… people have started listing names they consider ridiculous, including some I know/have
🍿

Thank you – that’s exactly how I feel! It’s one thing to have an opinion, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed?? I just don’t get how someone could be so openly rude about their own grandchild’s name. It’s not even anything outlandish!

DH is still fuming, but now SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over. I don’t see why we should, though – MIL was the one being horrible!

Whisky I wouldn't have behaved as your mother in law did I would absolutely say something if the name was bloody awful!

if The name was just not her taste, then you are not unreasonable.

if we are looking at a case like “Talula Does The Hula From
Hawaii” then she may have just been trying to save your child from torment.

But there’s ways to say something and ways you don’t.
Thats very unusual , not a name I’d have thought you’d choose vs That’s a horrible name, she’ll hate you for it.
And she should have realised that’s what you’ve both chosen , that’s her name, she can’t change it so she sucks it up whether she likes it or not.
And you’ve got nothing to apologise for — she was out of order.

Ignore SIL, it's not you who have made things difficult.

How long ago did you give birth op?

Why on earth should you apologise?
Does she have form for ruining special events?
It's a Narc trait

Let her stew, don't discuss further with anyone else and enjoy the peace with your new baby

SIL can sod off this has nothing to do with her.
You didn't kick her out, you gave an adult and warning about their behaviour and they didn't listen so she suffered the consequences.
She's the one that ruined the visit, she should have been so enamoured with her new grand baby that even if she didn't like the name she would have kept her mouth shut.
I don't know why other family members feel like they have any right to complain especially once the baby is already here.

Frankly, I don’t care if you called your daughter Chrysanthemum Araucaria: she’s your daughter, and you get to call her what you like, and your MIL says, “What a lovely name”, or “What an unusual name” or similar - and that’s it: end of conversation. Your daughter, your choice. She is a fool, because five bob says she wants to see your daughter more than you want to see her. A wise MIL knows her place.

What's SiL got to do with it? She wasn't there, she's only heard one side and frankly it was so extremely rude of your MiL that there's no reason she doesn't have to take the consequences.

Having said that, it might be best to let the dust settle and then get in contact to try to sort it out. But given that she's been so aggressively unpleasant, it might not get anywhere.

SIL is obviously a flying monkey, I'd ignore the both of them and concentrate on your new baby.

If she’s going to behave like that when meeting her grandchild for the first time the best thing to do is to start as you mean to go, show her you have boundaries you won’t allow to be crossed and that basic respect is required from her. With any luck she’ll soon realise she either behaves or she misses out and will apologise. Don’t listen to your sil, I imagine her go to is placating her mother.

I'm guessing...
Mildred
Edna
Irene
Agatha
Hilda
Joyce
Gertrude
Eunice
Beryl
Mavis
Vera

I mean, I wouldn't be over the moon if one of my kids called their child Princess Fluffybollox, and I might think it was a dreadful mistake, but surely it's THEIR mistake to make? I've heard many names that have made me do a second take, but - it's not my child. If it's a terrible mistake then they will find out in time, people telling them it's a dreadful name won't affect their choice because THEY LIKE IT. So no amount of cat's bum from relatives will make any difference.

And I'm pretty sure OPs DDs name isn't anything awful - whereas her MIL is.

YANBU. I also think it's great your husband took your side against his mother.

Ignore SIL.

So, what was the name again?

Your MIL was rude to laugh in your faces about it, but it is worth thinking about her reaction. There are plenty of rude people in this world so it is a bit unkind to give your child a name that you know will cause people to mock her. But obviously that depends on what the name is. Phyllis, Norma, Doris, Maureen are still kind of "old lady" names that haven't come back yet. Mabel is coming back though. It's hard to judge the distant future, but should be able to get an idea of what her school years might be like with the name you have given her.

Yes, it sounded like she was rude. But, tbf, without knowing the name, perhaps the 'laugh' and her concern was genuine based on the number of absolutely ridiculous things some people name their children these days.

Ps. Yes love your husbands action too. It’s good to see such positive male behaviour on MN!!

so disrespectful of mil, and we’ll down to dh for sticking up for , and not trying to appease his mother, which so many men would have done.

I like Ermintrude 😊