To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

[kritzkreig]

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

You DON’T need to know the name. The appalling behaviour is the problem.

MIL is a piece of shit to spoil the moment.

I feel for you OP, I’ve suffered relatives like this.

Ignore your SIL

I'm only here for the name. I'll check back tomorrow but am guessing we'll still be guessing.

You absolutely should not be the one to apologise.

I really do want to know the name though. 🙂

She was unfathomably rude and telling her to leave was completely fine. Even if the name is questionable or her worries were sincere that is not an acceptable or helpful way to go about it.

But am I the only one puzzling over a grandparent arriving to meet a grandchild (presumably several days later) without already being told the name?

Is it Harper? Or Margot?

(I like both name and becoming more popular but noticing some of mod 60s generation taking time to get used to these.

Tell sil she needs to be careful she doesn’t turn into her mother. Fancy sticking up for that appalling behaviour.

YANBU.

Do not apologise.

Set your boundaries firm.

Enjoy this precious time xx

this reminds me of when DS was born and we chose a slightly unusual name and my mum went and told people he was called his middle name

I got e.g. a card from an aunt saying congratulations on the birth of (middle name) which is how I found out.

I'm NC with her now anyway over other stuff but found this behaviour difficult too.

Is it Lettice, and your surname is Spinner?

Victoria Sponge?

She probably thinks you should have named your DD after her.

Not going to happen, right?!

No, MIL should apologise - she was the one who was rude, not you or your DH (perhaps he could point this out to your SIL). YANBU. I suspect that, given you say she's never been your greatest fan, she would have derided any name you chose.

What is the name?

Your MIL is a twat.

But what is it? Dolly? Sandra?

Reserving judgement until I've heard the name. Need all the facts.

until i know the name i cannot take sides.

You needed to set a boundary and let her know she can’t behave exactly as she wishes around her new grandchild otherwise she would have ended up being a nightmare.

Unless the name is REALLY terrible.

YANBU re MIL (and SIL)
YABU for not sharing the name

We need the name to make an honest call here. She might be being a complete cow but she also might be saving your beautiful baby from a lifetime of living with an awful name

Yanbu and delete the bitchy messages unread.

If it were me…..
Husband to suggest she might like to post about it on Gransnet and ask their “advice” on her situation?
They (we) will shoot her down in flames - and she will get some excellent future grand-parenting advice on how she needs to behave going forwards.

Definitely not being bitchy. Although sorry if it seems so.

I also want to know the name, but that’s because I’m nosy, not because it’s relevant to the thread. It doesn’t really matter even if the OP has called her child Ermintrude or Clytemnestra; it would still be fucking rude of the MIL to sneer and slag it off to her son and his partner.

YANBU, OP. Your MIL is rude and unpleasant.

DO NOT APOLOGISE. If you do this woman will take over.

My nephew gave his son an unusual name about 5 years ago. We all had a good laugh about it, behind the mum and dad’s backs. They are now having the last laugh because it’s becoming quite popular. Point is you are the parents and it’s your choice.
I have an unusual name and yeah, sometimes it was embarrassing because teachers couldn’t pronounce it, but I absolutely love it.

Next point!
I don’t know if we will ever become grandparents. But if we do I sincerely hope we never behave like some of the in laws some of you have to put up with. At a time of great joy some of these awful women are making it about them. Pop over to Gransnet and cop the woman who is devastated that she can’t visit her new grandchild within a few hours of its birth. Makes me realise what wonderful in laws I had. Rant over.