To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

[kritzkreig]

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

My bet is on Margot

I think it depends entirely on the name.

As someone who was saddled with an utterly ridiculous name (that my parents were adamant was completely normal) I am forever grateful to my very tactful Nana who managed to argue the case for me having a "boring" middle name in anticipation of me wanting to rid myself of the ridiculousness asap (she was spot on!)

That said your MIL was anything but tactful so it was never going to be helpful if the name is ridiculous

I don’t even need to know the name.
she is totally out of order.

Definitely rude, but the name might explain in part.

My daughter wants to name her future daughter (she is not pregnant and doesn’t intend to be for some years yet) Arena

as in Wembley

Fanny is v. common in France. There are Fanny coiffures, Fanny cafés, E-shop de Fanny en un click, Fanny boutique etc.

.

O my goodness what a thing to say, what an admittance!

YANBU it amazes me that some people think they have any kind of a say over what others name their children, that you’ll change your mind just because they don’t like the name.

Hopefully your MIL has learnt her lesson and will keep her mouth shut in future if she’s nothing nice to say. Dickhead.

I'm on team you - I regret trying to keep the peace with m'n'law as I started to resent her eventually and I do wonder if I spoke my mind actually maybe we would have had a better relationship.

Name reveal 🙏

Maybe your SIL needs to realise if your MIL wasn't so rude you wouldn't have to respond to her comments. Why should your MIL get a free pass to say what she likes. You did right to tell her.

So you've 'excluded' her for - what, a couple of days? It's hardly like your DD is now seventeen, is it? I'm sure she'll get over a few days of not seeing her GD.

And she can shut up about the name. It's not her choice, so what. It wasn't her choice.

Here for the name, she might be saving your child.

OTOH MIL could be totally crazy.

YANBU.
Your SIL might have a distorted view if she is your MILs daughter.

You were absolutely right to tell her off, OP.

Me and my husband only recently became grandparents for the first time and we resolved that the baby’s name was not our choice and, more importantly, not our place to comment on. It turned out we love the name, but we would never have said anything negative even if we hadn’t been keen. Having your mother in law laugh in your faces must’ve been very hurtful. I’d tell her she self-excluded herself from her granddaughter’s life with her nastiness.

By the way OP I agree with what you did in regards to MIL but I think you are bang out of order from keeping the name from all of us 🤣🤣😬

Everyone will be on your side OP. But if the name is something too unconventional or odd even, then maybe it’s understandable that she spoke up. You said it was classic but not too common so it doesn’t sound like anything too crazy, but it would help to know the name. If it’s Lucinda, then she’s being a bitch, if it’s Deidre she may have a very valid point.

My mum said DS name was “bloody awful, I’m not calling him that”. Told me the next one was “what? You mean like <famous person from the 1970s> child?” And the third “well thank god you didn’t pick the other one you mentioned, it was dreadful!”

Each time, I said she could learn to cope or she could sod off and not see the baby. That focused her mind remarkably.

My dad just rang me afterwards each Tim to apologise and tell me to ignore her.

OP, I don’t think it was necessary to boot her out, but if it felt needed to you, fair enough.
(unless it was actually Ermintrude or Ethel, in which case she’s right)

Very rude so you were right to throw her out.
But we need to know the name, just in case she was trying to save you from yourselves and has genuine concern
When DC were small one of their friends mums named her baby Puck as she loved a midsummer nights dream.
That did raise a few eyebrows.
He now goes by his middle name...

She sounds like an absolute f-ing nightmare. Is this your first child? This will not get better. If this were me, I’m not sure I’d want her in my child’s life going forward. It’s good your Dh is supporting you. Let him do the enforcement of boundaries so that you don’t get demonised. She sounds like a horrible person though.

You can't ask us to judge without saying the name!

Tell her you’re not excluding her, she excluded herself being tactless and rude. Tell her she’s perfectly welcome to come back when she’s grown up and can muster up a decent apology. And if she can’t do that, and behave better in future visits she will have nobody to blame but herself.

Obviously she was totally in the wrong. You were right to bollock her. Horrible woman, really.

However.. what if the name Is ridiculous/ might mean your child would get teased later on. No one wants a dodgy name. She might be doing you a favour being so brutally honest. Even though it’s a misguided way to do it.

The MN jury would give you an answer yey or nay.

Go on then- what have you called her?

You didn’t kick her out
Her son did
and he wasn’t being unreasonable but I’m guessing that this behaviour is hardly surprising to either you or her so.