How are women supposed to survive this?

[VivienneBL]

I’m 42 and a single mother to two children aged 15 and 11 . I have a lovely extended family but very little day-to-day help .
I’m definitely having perimenopause symptoms which are really hard like fatigue, unwanted facial hair, my actual hair has gone berserk . I can’t lose wait no matter what I do and I’m going through major bouts of insomnia. All of this is affecting my work - I run a small creative agency in London. I feel totally mashed all the time . The worst bit though is I feel like I’m losing my mind. I get paranoid, anxious and emotional, and my resilience to stress is really low.
I had a fairly rough childhood ( alcoholic mum) and my ex husband is very nasty - incredibly wealthy but offers zero help either financially or practically, and puts so much pressure on me and constantly causes issues with the kids . But aside from those two things I’ve always been totally happy, a coper and good at handling issues . Thesedays I feel like a shell of my former self . It’s just crept up on me and I’m so scared at how I’m changing .
The doctor has been useless and I really don’t know where to turn. Women friends are amazing and some are on HRT but I’m a little worried about that.
Has anyone been through the same or had experiences of the same? Am I going crazy or is this to be expected? What is the best way to get through this?

Can only speak about my experience but after months of feeling shattered I got HRT and felt better within 48 hours.
I also cut out alcohol, as previous posters have said, try to eat healthily (lots of protein), exercise regularly and go to a sauna. Being outdoors helps too. I still feel rubbish sometimes but much better than pre-HRT.

I second the HRT and magnesium. If taking magnesium supplement make sure to take the right kind otherwise won't be effective. You can find some decent articles about it online. Find a decent GP or specialist who actually knows what they are talking about. As tired as you are it's so important to do some light but weight bearing exercise to ward off osteoporosis especially if you are not going to go down the HRT route. Look up Dr. Mary Claire Haver online as well she's really good. The fatigue and brain fog is crazy sometimes. I feel for you OP it really is no joke but you're not alone in it always reach out if needing a handhold.

You should be careful when you take magnesium if you are taking thyroxine

What about it?

Oh ok thanks really, why is that?

Is suggest bloods to check iron and b12 levels. And maybe look in to HRT. But equally what you might be experiencing is just symptomatic of all you have going on. Which is a lot.
I was similar to you-very actually in terms of things going on. And had always been a coper and breezed through things that would have floored other people to be honest. Until this last year when suddenly I seem to have lost that ability. I'm 45. Is it age, meno or just too much happening at once for too long. Not sure.
I'm take iron, magnesium, b12, and vitamin D. I'm trying to get HRT but even getting a gp appointment is impossible it seems and I don't quite have the energy for it. But I've also started being kinder to myself. Saying no to more things and I've been fortunate enough to be able to cut my hours a bit at work. Which has helped.

You have an awful lot going on OP, so it's not surprise you feel a bit burned out. I don't know what advice to give if there is nothing that can give, but wanted to send solidarity.

Another vote for HRT which helps considerably. I'm on patches and it's been a game changer for me.
Also I take a magnesium supplement every evening which prevents insomnia.
Without sleep, life is hell.

Thank you for the lovely message x

Perimenopause creeps up without you realising and as it can last for many years, you could well have it. Can I ask what your diets like? I’m going through it myself and can tell a difference when I’m being healthier and also drinking more water. I was concerned about HRT also so have avoided it up to now..symptoms are under control (for now so haven’t ruled hRT out completely) you’re doing great under your circumstances but would still go back to your GP to have a general health check. Also check out this menopause podcast, Dr Louise is awesome

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-dr-louise-newson-podcast/id1459614845

Not sure if this has been mentioned already but please listen to the Dr Louise Newson podcast. She is so amazing at explaining HRT and answering any concerns.

Hope things feel better soon x

This.

I can’t use HRT but it has improved for me two year after last period was over the worst of the hot flushes and brain fog. I recently had a full hysterectomy and was concerned things would worsen but thankfully not

I’ve had issues for the last few years, but it all suddenly worsened towards the middle of last year. I had loads of issues that I didn’t think were hormonal.
However, HRT has been a game changer. It took longer than 3 months before things settled down, but I am glad I persevered.
Its not perfect, I still have the odd hot flush and a few other minor issues, but I feel more like my old self and my symptoms aren’t debilitating like they were.
Also, magnesium, some good b vitamins and vitamin D help.

HRT was like a magic pill for me. I feel a million times better on it. I sleep so well now it's transformed my life.

I switched from one type of hrt to another and took a break between them to see if I still needed to take it and all my symptoms came back.

You are describing me last year. I am 42 and for 2 years I was a nervous, anxious wreck. A shell of my former self. My employer offer a free BUPA menopause specialist which I took full advantage of, got prescribed HRT last summer and it has honestly given me my life back. There are some excellent Facebook groups with people from all walks of life sharing their experiences which helped me realise some of the symptoms I was having were all due to peri menopause. Also some great Reddit subs and Louise Newson does an excellent pod cast and an app called Balance to log feelings/symptoms which you can convert to a PDF to take to your GP, lots of information on there too

Could I ask what the foot rub you use is?
Sounds heavenly!

Anxiety meds changed my life. I never even realized I was abnormally anxious till I got the meds and now my am not scared of anything and it stabilized my mood. I’ve been on citalopram for four years and no longer get angry or shout either. Magical

You could also have a thyroid problem. Not everything middle age is down to menopause. Get a thyroid blood test.

Don't worry too much about hormone replacement. Have a blood test for oestrogen level, and a bone density test. You could go privately for the latter, because that points to osteoporosis, and you MUST have treatment for that.

The only worry about hormone replacement is if breast cancer runs in your family. You can have tests to discover that too. If your hormone level is really low, then hormone replacement - Premarin - should not cause you any problems because it is just replacing the oestrogen you are not making. If you knew how long some women have taken that without any side effects you would wonder why there is so much talk against it.

Get those blood tests done and a bone density test. Not all menopause symptoms are normal.

I’m reading The Science of Menopause by Dr Phillipa Kaye. It explains the changes, and goes through options for treatment to help make decisions. May be a good read, OP.

Sending you hugs. You’re not alone.

My perimenopausal insomnia was so bad that on a good night, I was lucky if I got 45 minutes of sleep across the whole night. Even then, the 45 minutes was never in one block. HRT (and melatonin) was a godsend. Within two days, I was back to sleeping properly.

The right HRT is transformational.

If you're under 50, menopause has been reached if you haven't had a period for two whole calendar years. (Hence the number of surprise pregnancies for women in their 40s whose periods are erratic and they incorrectly assume they've reached menopause). For the over 50s, it's just one entire year.

Perimenopause can last anywhere from a day to a decade. It's highly individual. Unfortunately, blood tests only really show a snap shot of the moment the blood was drawn. Also, GPs are often useless at reading female hormone panels. They are supposed to prescribe based on symptoms, not bloods.

I started peri at 32, the worse symptoms lasted about 6 years, I’m 50 now haven’t had a period for over 10 years (the positive) and struggle with weight, have an occasional hot flush but sleep ok now, better than before even. I didn’t use HRT, just personal choice. The chin hairs are the most irritating thing though, grow back bloody daily.

This! It just feels like the GP doesn't listen! Especially if he's male! I feel like I'm perimenopausel (I'm 40 this year), banging my head off of a wall, and going around in circles!

I felt very similar and felt that I was losing my mind, HRT and testosterone have been a blessing. It was a fight to get it, had to find a doctor that listened and didn’t just diagnose me as anxious. The testosterone will only-in my practice and she said nationwide for NHS-be given for low sex drive, but that evidence shows it helps with brain fog, anxiety, energy and mood and it really has for me, but the primary reason has to be given as sex drive because obviously that’s the most important issue 😂 Good luck ❤️

I would definitely visit your GP again, or swop GP's if necessary. I was expecting bad menopausal symptoms, as my female relatives all did- hot flushes night sweats etc.
What i actually experience crept up slowly I started to wake up several times a night, and slowly it got harder to get back to sleep, so I was exhausted all the time and brain fog and anxiety got worse and worse. I went to the doctor's once but the solution (amphitriptilene) didn't work and made the brain fog worse. I really should have gone back, but I got worse and worse until eventually I was scarcely going out and I didn't recognise myself. I lost nearly 3 stone and was mildly suicidal- I lost 5years to it, don't lose your life to it, keep looking for help until you find it. Good luck.