How are women supposed to survive this?

[VivienneBL]

I’m 42 and a single mother to two children aged 15 and 11 . I have a lovely extended family but very little day-to-day help .
I’m definitely having perimenopause symptoms which are really hard like fatigue, unwanted facial hair, my actual hair has gone berserk . I can’t lose wait no matter what I do and I’m going through major bouts of insomnia. All of this is affecting my work - I run a small creative agency in London. I feel totally mashed all the time . The worst bit though is I feel like I’m losing my mind. I get paranoid, anxious and emotional, and my resilience to stress is really low.
I had a fairly rough childhood ( alcoholic mum) and my ex husband is very nasty - incredibly wealthy but offers zero help either financially or practically, and puts so much pressure on me and constantly causes issues with the kids . But aside from those two things I’ve always been totally happy, a coper and good at handling issues . Thesedays I feel like a shell of my former self . It’s just crept up on me and I’m so scared at how I’m changing .
The doctor has been useless and I really don’t know where to turn. Women friends are amazing and some are on HRT but I’m a little worried about that.
Has anyone been through the same or had experiences of the same? Am I going crazy or is this to be expected? What is the best way to get through this?

I had the really dry skin! No amount of moisturiser helped. I described myself as “scaly like a lizard” when I was explaining it to the GP 😂

Plus other similar symptoms to yours. I actually started thinking there was something seriously medically wrong with me and was sure I might collapse at some point. I thought maybe it was going to be very under active thyroid at first. I had seriously aching hips too, even when minimal exercise, and I was only 42.

Luckily I saw a very sensible young GP. He did bloods to check everything and nothing unusual came up. The hormone tests were fine but be said they were essentially meaningless anyway and I still had periods, so he prescribed on symptoms alone. It was all very straightforward and I haven’t looked back since I started: patches all the time plus tablets for two weeks a month. My hip pain went away within a week of starting the patches. I no longer have scaly legs either 😬

Yep...I hear what you are saying. HRT absolutely changed everything for me. I must say I never ever had a hot flush. I considered murdering my husband...at minimum divorcing him. All a bit odd because we were happily married. Ran red lights...didn't see them. I had the most dreadful hip pain that kept me awake at night. Brain fog so bad that I actually couldn't speak.

I have a feeling I use the same one - the brand is Sweet Bee

Thank you x

HRT, weight training, and as much protein and water as you can get down your throat.

HRT! What is it that worries you about that? It'll improve your health, physically and mentally in many way now and the benefits continue into the future.

I understand your concern about HRT, I wouldn't personally go that route either.

Sage helped with my hot flushes and magnesium the insomnia. A good diet definitely helps but it's worth getting your thyroid checked too.

I love that brand!

HRT, melatonin, magnesium and audio playlist of calming sounds at night.

HRT - game changer
I first started it a few years ago, about your age.

I couldn’t be bothered with my GP faffing about with blood tests (which I know are meaningless) so paid for a specialist appt. And had a thorough hour long appt. Worth every penny. And got my HRT prescription.

HRT is fab. Watch the Davina McColl programmes about the menopause, they’re really good.

Women survive it by going on HRT.

Unless you have some very specific existing health issues, there is no reason to be worried about it.

I would not have survived without HRT. I would have killed someone - either myself or someone else.

I certainly could not have continued working. The brain fog was debilitating.

I’ll stay on it as long as my doctor keeps prescribing it.

I sympathise op. I have been through a similar experience, it’s hell.

i take HRT, don’t drink alcohol, hydrate with electrolytes every morning (I get very dehydrated overnight) and I use a light box. I exercise every day. I lift weights x5 per week and do about 120min cardio. Food wise I follow a fairly strict high protein diet. Sleep is a top priority.

Implementing all these things has meant I can still function enough to keep my job and family going without completely losing my mind. I still get days when I feel like crap, but it’s not all the time like before and I’m now a healthy weight.

i second this suggestion. I had very low levels and have B12 injections now. They make a big difference to my energy levels.

My aunt got agressive breast cancer after a course of HRT so I've always been reluctant to go on it as was my mother - what about acupuncture?

HRT. At 42, unless you've had breast cancer, the benefits both short and long term massively outweigh the risks. If no benefit after 3m, it isn't perimenopause

I can’t take HRT due to medical history. I haven’t killed anyone. I’ve survived 3 years of peri and 5 years of menopause with magnesium salts and pure lavender oil in the bath, more protein, and just putting one foot in front of the other a day at a time because HRT isn’t an option.

It’s very real and you’re not alone. I had it bad and left a high pressured job that I was thriving in until the symptoms hit. I couldn’t cope at all. Was frightened and worried all the time. Couldn’t process and was making mistakes. I didn’t know who I was anymore and all my clothes shrunk!

HRT (oestrogel) and a change in my diet to increase protein and reduce white bread and shitty carbs has changed my life. Still eat complex carbs. My hair thinned so much but now, a year on it’s bouncy and full. I can’t believe it.

Get booked in for some HRT ASAP if you can. You’ll be ok.

I bought a b12 spray. 4 squirts inside my mouth daily. I’ve noticed I’m up later in the evenings now pottering and cleaning. Must be helping along with increased protein.

Not all women can take, or for various medivpcal/personal/ other valid reasons, cannot take HRT, so batting on about how marvellous it is, when OP has said she's worried about it, is so very unhelpful.
Besides, 42 is young still and it may well not be menopause.

She's said she's worried about it not that she can't take it. It would likely help with all her symptoms so it would be stupid not to consider it.

Placemarking.

Can someone explain about magnesium (salts)? I’m clueless. Is it a dietary supplement or something you put in the bath?

I know what she said.
I'm trying to point out that most PPs think hrt is some kind of miracle cure and that the OP should just get over herself re the worry because it is 'magic', whereas not all women can take it, and why immediately turn to drugs?

Why the f is no-one telling us to get HRT? Mumsnet is literally the only place I’ve seen it discussed. My GP has not mentioned it once to me. I’m 49, overweight, anxious/depressed. She has been prescribing me with anti-anxiety/depression medication for years as well as weight loss injectables. Not once has she mentioned HRT. And this is a female Dr who is a few years older than me.

even my sisters who are both nurses (51 & 45) have never mentioned it. I asked them recently and their response was I don’t know. This is despite my DSis 51 getting blood tests confirming she is in menopause.

Looks like I need to go back to my Dr again and explain just how miserable I am. I’ve got a friend who I know was on HRT for early menopause. I’m seeing her in a few weeks so will ask about it.