How are women supposed to survive this?

[VivienneBL]

I’m 42 and a single mother to two children aged 15 and 11 . I have a lovely extended family but very little day-to-day help .
I’m definitely having perimenopause symptoms which are really hard like fatigue, unwanted facial hair, my actual hair has gone berserk . I can’t lose wait no matter what I do and I’m going through major bouts of insomnia. All of this is affecting my work - I run a small creative agency in London. I feel totally mashed all the time . The worst bit though is I feel like I’m losing my mind. I get paranoid, anxious and emotional, and my resilience to stress is really low.
I had a fairly rough childhood ( alcoholic mum) and my ex husband is very nasty - incredibly wealthy but offers zero help either financially or practically, and puts so much pressure on me and constantly causes issues with the kids . But aside from those two things I’ve always been totally happy, a coper and good at handling issues . Thesedays I feel like a shell of my former self . It’s just crept up on me and I’m so scared at how I’m changing .
The doctor has been useless and I really don’t know where to turn. Women friends are amazing and some are on HRT but I’m a little worried about that.
Has anyone been through the same or had experiences of the same? Am I going crazy or is this to be expected? What is the best way to get through this?

HRT didn’t help me at all.

What did was completely quitting alcohol, increasing exercise and overhauling my nutrition and sleep.

I also stopped giving a fuck about a lot of things which helped with the mental/emotional side.

Because menopause is an elective for GPs , yes shocker, 51% of the population goes through it and they are not trained on it by default.

OP, HRT, magnesium at night, loads of water

HRT is a game changer.

Oh and I'm a lone parent too so I know how important working is.

I don't know if it was pure fluke or placebo but Menopace really seemed to help with some of this. But I would say also go to the dr again, I haven't gone on hrt for various reasons but still wonder if I should as anxiety can still be an issue at times and I stepped down at work because of feeling I'd had enough.

Have you requested blood test for everything? Vitamins, thyroid, etc.

Do you take vitamin D? Between 2000 and 4000 ui dosis.

Magnesium chelated from Solgar is very good.

I also take omega 3 from solgar.

I have a SAD lamp/ Lumina. I do yoga and meditation from you tube/ The mindful movement

Absolutely! Wouldn't be without it.

I want to leave my job for all these reasons! My hair is coming out almost in clumps whenever I wash it. I’m 20kg overweight, about 18kg of which I’ve put on since I turned 40. I can’t sleep most nights. Constantly thinking/worrying about work but so overwhelmed I don’t know what to do next.

You're right to worry about HRT, the people on here touting it as a miracle cure clearly haven’t read the research. You might decide the cost/benefit is worth it to you but there are no magic medicines and you’d have to weigh up your chances of and response to cancer down the road.

Hi,
I am a single parent with a full-time job, and have been for over a decade. My DC are slightly older than yours and I am in my early fifties. I don’t take HRT so I cannot speak to that part. But being a single parent and having all of the financial load is exhausting and it has effects on your body. People say oh take some time off or whatever, this is not really possible. Part of the issue is that you are in a situation which is very difficult because you need to be constantly on and responding. The good news for you, I think, is that you are only 42 and your youngest is already eleven and it does get easier as the DC gain independence. But it is difficult.

I second the suggestion to get your iron levels checked first and foremost. I can end up anaemic quite easily. Also vitamin D makes a big difference to my energy levels especially at this time of year.
Once my youngest was old enough to join the gym, I joined us up and that was how I lost weight - I do weights not just cardio. Diet is mainly plants and proteins. I also use hair masks very regularly to condition my hair. My hair went through a phase of coming out but it grew back.

I did take antidepressants for the anxiety for a while and this improved my sleep but I stopped taking those as I felt like I was medicating circumstances. Podcasts and meditations are my way forward there. I take a sleep vitamin now as well and a sleep tea.

My ex stopped causing hassle when he got himself a new girlfriend. I mean, to the extent that I had worked out that he had met someone without him telling me simply by the fall off in harrassment of various kinds (not that he actually did tell me, one of the DC mentioned it). He is also well off and zero practical or even very much financial support.

Another vote for HRT and magnesium. I have a spray for my feet and eat 2 little pineapple flavoured chews at bedtime.

Previously I was having terrible sleep, being wide awake from 2 or 3am every night.

My GP listened to my list of symptoms and put me straight on HRT patches. She suggested the coil but I didn't want that.

Go back to your GP or ask to see another if they're being hesitant about HRT. It really helps.

Get full bloods done at doc and make sure you get your iron and thyroid levels checked.

Right. HRT is such a game changer. I was struggling to function effectively at work and my relationships with friends and family were suffering.
My older sister took me aside and suggested going to the doctors and asking about HRT. I still had periods but my cycle was all over the place and they were very heavy.
I am now in my 70's and still on it. My 97 year old aunt came off it in her 80's.
It's all about your quality of life OP, you have to work, you have to cope with all the stresses and strains that life chucks at you. Some lucky souls sail through the menopause, others don't you do what's best for you!
Good luckx

HRT. I had bad and totally out of character anxiety. It was really disturbing. I didn’t really think the HRT would work on that, but it did! Within a few weeks, I felt myself again. It also greatly improved my thinning hair and my skin.

Try it, OP! You can do a trial for 6 months. I asked my GP what she’d take and followed her recommendation (Evorel oestrogen patch plus Utrogestan tablets).

The OP has asked for advice and how women survive it. Other people have replied with what worked for them whether it he HRT or something else.

Yes, they've advised her to go to the GP but that's what most people advise when someone isn't feeling well - whatever the reason.

If you have an alternative suggestion, why not share that instead of criticising others?

Try another GP. Consider counseling for your past, it seems like you have been coping well but perhaps issues are coming to the surface now.

We now have the knowledge as to how HRT can help. Use it. 25 years ago I knew nothing about HRT or the menopause to be honest. My mum and aunts died in their late 40s early 50s so I had no females around me I was a nightmare. I was going through a divorce (who knows if the peri menopause contributed), I had young children and I was shouty resentful mum. I look back now and feel sad for my kids. Once I found HRT I became a better person. I now run, yoga, weights. They all help I’m sure.

HRT is well worth it, although I really recommend if you can afford it going private to get the right dose/kind. It’s a bit of trial and error.

Don't be disingenous; I am not criticising, I am saying hrt is not suitable for everyone, and that those who have immediately posted 'hrt' should be aware that for a myriad of reasons, it is not suitable for some.
The OP said she was worried about it, and rightly so.

Ho perimenopause what hell. I went almost completely mad and couldn't remember my own name half the time. Awful experience.
HRT cured me almost immediately don't even hesitate. Nobody needs that.
I actually had a breakdown because of the perimenopause snd dprnt the best part of 6 months in bed.
Then I got up, changed my GP, got HRT not taking no for an answer, got my bloods done, had an iron transfusion privately as I was always so low and turned my life around.
The only thing I wish I'd done was see a private HRT doctor and been prescribed testosterone as well but I didn't know about that at the time.

HRT worked for me along with supplements. Took me ages to get the GP to agree to give me it, I wish I'd gone private and got it that way so GP would have had to fall in line.

Absolutely this. My mother and aunts, had pernicious anaemia and needed B12 injections. I decided to start a supplement. It sat on rop of my wardrobe until I was cleaning up there and saw it would expire if left any longer. It is not an exaggeration to say it changed my life. Even better, when I switched to a high dose sublngual drop,my energy levels soared. I daren't stop it, as it made so much difference. It's worth a try - but I suppose I should say, check with your GP, if olanning to take longterm. A long course of low dose citalopram, has also changed my life. Massively.

HRT. Why are you worried about it?

I’ve been feeling like this. I went on HRT which helped with the sleeping side and bringing my periods back to a 28 day cycle. They’d got to a 23/24 day cycle. Then they discovered I had high blood pressure so had to come off HRT.

I had bloods done and found I had low ferritin so given iron tablets and blood pressure meds. Have felt myself again since taking them and enjoying going to work again. I’d started to hate it and wanted to retire prior to taking iron tablets. I’ve been taking iron and vit D since December. I’m having another blood test next week do hopefully things will have improved.

Hello! I felt like this in my forties - I had early menopause (46)… had no idea why I could no longer cope. I had quite a big job then and am single mum.. I was genuinely scared about my ability to work.
I went on HRT patches and they changed me for the better. I also went to gym and made myself work out. Did some meditation every morning and took the over 50 vitamins (even tho I was younger).
I literally went back to my old self… It can be done - pls don’t worry too much tho I genuinely appreciate how awful it is - it can be fixed ❤️
Do your research, discuss with GP or see a gyno and have the blood tests done and advice on type of HRT etc. I went on 3 lots before I found the patches and felt calm and normal again x

Of course HRT can be great but there are some things to worry about. For me it’s crippling migraines, I’d do anything to avoid a full-blown attack as they are simply hideous… and HRT can definitely trigger these. There are other possible long-term concerns too.

People are right to be cautious before taking treatment or even to try it. That’s not to say don’t try it but it’s wrong to be dismissive of someone’s concerns!