How are women supposed to survive this?

[VivienneBL]

I’m 42 and a single mother to two children aged 15 and 11 . I have a lovely extended family but very little day-to-day help .
I’m definitely having perimenopause symptoms which are really hard like fatigue, unwanted facial hair, my actual hair has gone berserk . I can’t lose wait no matter what I do and I’m going through major bouts of insomnia. All of this is affecting my work - I run a small creative agency in London. I feel totally mashed all the time . The worst bit though is I feel like I’m losing my mind. I get paranoid, anxious and emotional, and my resilience to stress is really low.
I had a fairly rough childhood ( alcoholic mum) and my ex husband is very nasty - incredibly wealthy but offers zero help either financially or practically, and puts so much pressure on me and constantly causes issues with the kids . But aside from those two things I’ve always been totally happy, a coper and good at handling issues . Thesedays I feel like a shell of my former self . It’s just crept up on me and I’m so scared at how I’m changing .
The doctor has been useless and I really don’t know where to turn. Women friends are amazing and some are on HRT but I’m a little worried about that.
Has anyone been through the same or had experiences of the same? Am I going crazy or is this to be expected? What is the best way to get through this?

HRT is almost certainly the answer, it really is life changing. It has so many benefits in general health terms but it certainly restored my sanity!

If your HP is like this then change GPs to one that isn't this old fashioned and out of touch.

You sound like you need HRT. It saved me.

I take a Dr prescribed gel and capsules and within 2 weeks I was my normal self. I had some trial and error before I started on this type.

Once you get your estrogen under control things may seem better.

I've dragged myself through the whole thing. I did try HRT last year but even a tiny amount made my breasts incredibly tender and I was weepy so I stopped and I've not had time to look at a different type.

I was told by my GP friend that bloods aren't really any good because all they will show is your estrogen is low and judging by your description they are. You need a Dr that gets it.

My first Dr didn't and thought I was depressed. I wasn't. I had a very low mood and couldn't hold a thought in my head. I left in tears. My next Dr and the one I'm with now gets it.

There are different types of HRT so have a proper discussion about existing issues and they find the right one for you. My doctor specifically got out a big book to find one that fitted around other issues I had and then we tried a dose but I was wanted it may need adjusting-fortunately it didn't.

@VivienneBL You know there is a menopause forum on MN?
It's under Health - then Menopause is listed in that category.

Lots of help there, but you've had good advice here so far.

If your GP isn't helpful you can refer yourself to a menopause specialist - you've said your husband is very wealthy so I'm assuming you could afford this?

You'd be looking for a consultant gynaecologist or a private GP / women's clinic with menopause training- there are loads around now although some are better than others. Most also do video consultations.

HRT isn't 'drugs', good grief. Needless scaremongering.

OP, please at least look into HRT, unless you have a clear medical contraindication. It really can be a game changer.

The risks of HRT have been overstated in the past leading to misplaced concern. There was a trial about a decade ago which has since been debunked.
For many conditions - not just menopause- HRT can extend your life.
Even if you have cancer history in the immediate family there are forms you can take.
Pay to see a private specialist OP who can talk you through all the risks and the very many benefits.
If you are drinking wine regularly ( not excessively) you are almost certainly increasing your risks more than you would on HRT.

Progesterone typically starts dropping around age 35, menopause is diagnosed as being 1 year without periods if age over 50 so HRT use usually starts before menopause actually happens.

Magnesium to sleep and saffron extract has really helped with my anxiety.
Weights.
Low carb.
Loads of water.
Avoid alcohol.

HRT can help but for me it has plusses and minuses.

Sertaline worked for me: helped the anxiety, negative emotions and made life rosy again.

Magnesium for sleep, yoga, cardio and strength as well as rethinking my diet. It felt good to put effort into my self after years off looking after every one else.

Having a laugh with friends going through the same.

It pretty much is a miracle cure for some of us! If you haven’t experienced the chronic, debilitating effects of perimenopause or menopause then that’s great and I’m really pleased for you, but it works for the majority of women, and all the health scares associated with it a few years ago have been debunked. Women deserve to feel better.

I’ve been on HRT for a decade, I wish I’d started it sooner.
It is simply replenishing your hormones which decline over time.
Nowadays when women live longer and are more likely to be working in demanding jobs menopause is more of an issue than it was for our parents generation.
And one that can be easily treated for most women.

Under 46 the gp should be offering blood work to confirm menopause.

You can ask for HRT which should help also

For those on hrt is it true it can only be taken for 5 years?

GPs are being advised not to offer ADs for peri. It's not recommended by NICE for peri menopause or post menopause issues if it's a hormone-related issue.

No. I’ve been on it for 10 years and not planning to stop until I retire.
GP says she knows women in their 70s on it.

This.
HRT, including testosterone.

See another GP. You will simply be replacing lost hormones with body-identical hormones.
It's a game-changer and has many health benefits, including cardiovascular, cognitive and may offer protection against dementia.

Lots of luck OP x

No. That went out the window years ago.

I've used it for over 15 years through an excellent consultant.

Why is your wealthy ex husband not contributing at least financially? Get onto the CMS for starters.

Go and see your GP and ask them to do you an MOT, check there is nothing else going on and then ask them for HRT if thats what it is. You can be peri menopause/menopause for years - don't let it rule your life, give yourself a break.

And get yourself to a yoga class or go swimming once/twice a week. DC are 15 & 11, i'm sure DC1 could be persuaded to 'babysit' DC2 for an hour here and there.

I know of women in their 80s and 90s using it.

I hear this sort of thing a lot - getting through with something natural like swimming or yoga - and it just adds to the feeling that HRT is ‘cheating’ somehow - I know some of my friends think that way.

I’d genuinely like to know how you can motivate yourself to swim or do yoga when you’re exhausted and ready to punch anyone who speaks to you 😳

@Miloarmadillo2 what magnesium and lavender rub do you use please?

I think it used to be the case with the old tablet regime of years ago, as it went through your liver. The body identical stuff they prescribe now doesn’t have the same risk.