To feel threatened by OW

[Preear]

I have lost all of my confidence since ex left me for somebody else. We have 2 kids who are 4 and 7 and they have just been on holiday with them and my son is now crying because he kisses dad (he is 4) my daughter however said it didn’t feel right being on holiday without me. I am so worried that this woman is going to my place. I can’t afford to take them on holiday etc and I don’t want another man right now (it’s only been 5 months since we split) somebody tell me to get a grip

I became resentful of the drastic change in his behaviour. Yes if it was like the way you’re saying then fine but it wasn’t. I am sure this is the same case for most cheating ex husbands. Just because I ended it?

just because I ended it it doesn’t justify it! I didn’t have a choice! He left me no choice! He wanted me to end it and acted that way so that I did so and didn’t even put up an ounce of a fight.

Yep and it’s your ex responsibility, not yours.
Don’t even think that you’re somehow the one who breaks your ds heart because he doesn’t see his dad.

Not blaming you here, but we are just pointing out that you don’t get to have a say NOW in who he dates and when.

When did you tell him you don’t love him ? When did you stop having sex with him? Surely not the day before he left ? If this has been going on for a few months before he actually moved out, he probably checked out of the marriage sooner too. Not ideal, but some men move on quickly.

However heartbreaking that is, I’m just pointing out that this is something not within your control.

I ended it because I knew something was going on

OP I wouldn't worry about this person's opinion. She is the OP of a thread titled "How did you know your affair partner was interested?"

Tells you all you need to know about what kind of woman this is.

OP couldn’t have stopped him, legally or otherwise. 🤷‍♀️

Ok. Explains a lot

No I will not tell you to get a grip. You are doing so so so well after this enormous shock and putting your children first by allowing the holiday. You are allowed to feel devastated that you weren't there as this is not the life you signed up for. My son is too little to tell me anything that goes on when it's with his dad and the gf and her kid but I will be so sad and left out when he does.

I see that they have the 'family unit' image and you feel it's just you. But NOONE replaces a mother you are your kids sun that their worlds revolve around and their safe place.

Next time they go away pleas book yourself a spa trip or a boot camp in Ibiza full of really hot young men to have a little holiday romance with x

Yes, you ended it OP.

Regardless of the reasons, you ended it. What he does with his life NOW isn’t your problem.

Did you read OPs posts? Does it not tell you what kind of a woman she is? This isn’t about me, it’s about OP being pissed off that the man she kicked out has found someone nice and the kids seem to like her. It’s making OP feel insecure thinking his new GF is taking her place.

Im trying to get the OP to understand:

1. she doesn’t get to have a say in who/when her ex dates NOW, regardless of how/why it ended.
2. His ex’s new GF is not the other woman
3. I am not the other woman (op said this!! lol)
4. The new GF being nice to the kids is a positive thing. Long term it’ll only benefit the children.
5. no one can take a mother’s place ONLY IF the mother is nice!

So, Who decides how soon is too soon? You? 😂

Are you a home wrecker? Are you making assumptions to suit your narrative?

Why is OP a better parent than her husband? On what basis did you conclude that? On the contrary, based on OPs posts alone, you can guess why she is so worried about the new GF taking her place. that’s not what loving mums actually worry about. Instead of having tantrums over the new GF being nice to the kids, OP should focus on her own issues as a mother, on what making he wonder if her kids were actually happier with dad and his GF.

Why is it damaging to the kids if they meet new people? ESP if they new people are nice to them?

OP, I’m only trying to make you see a neutral, non biased perspective. If you don’t want to see it; that’s fine.

Well said about the homewrecker...these OW have no clue of the damage and harm they are causing to families.

OP, no-one can replace you. You have a mother's love which is sacrificial. Regardless of who is in a child's life they will always need their mother

@Preear Pls accept my sincere apologies if my posts offended you. I was only hoping you will see this from a neutral standpoint so you can focus on what you can actually control.

I wish you good luck. I will not be returning to this thread.

It doesn't sound like your views were "neutral " at all!

The family unit image doesn’t bother me so much, she has a son who I feel quite sorry for. Not that my ex is a bad guy but how would he know? I wouldn’t introduce somebody to the children as my partner/go on holidays unless I was 100% all in, and he might be but it’s just a bit fast. The fact that he thinks I don’t know what happened is insulting he just went about it the wrong way, he could have just said I want this to end, instead of completely avoiding family life and being with her and then 2 weeks later taking my son to the circus with her. I would have had a lot more respect that way.

Me, I would smile and say '"That will be lovely for them, thank you. And it will give me some time to go out with my friends too". Keeping a lovely thankful smile on your face, it will soon get old for him.😀
Cheer up, Mums are special and irreplaceable.

The fact that he thinks I don’t know what happened is insulting he just went about it the wrong way, he could have just said I want this to end, instead of completely avoiding family life and being with her and then 2 weeks later taking my son to the circus with her.
He is a spineless coward, how embarrassing for him, absolute ejjit.
He's a let down, anyone who introduces children to their new partner so soon, going on a holiday, is a wet blanket with no thought process for anyone but his selfish needs.
You're well rid. Thankfully.

I really think you need to stop thinking about what should have happened and start thinking about what has. Should he have waited to introduce the kids? Yes. Would it be easier on your children had he? Absolutely. But he didn't. Does the fact they have only been together a short time and probably started in an affair mean they will break up? Maybe. But maybe not. My exh had an affair and left me and introduced my daughter to her after about 5 months. Maybe slightly less actually. Yes she was confused. But nearly 4 years later they are still together and my daughter really likes her. My finances exw left him for someone else and moved him in within a week! 6 years later they are still together and got married not long ago.its awful and hard but you can't control it and it doesn't sound like your relationship was great. Congratulations for taking control and moving on. Hey some counselling. Join a support group and live your life. As i said earlier that's the best karma xx

no, what I see is the kids wondering who this woman is so soon after daddy left. What I see is that if you really love somebody and respect them you can’t just move on like that. Even though I am the one that ended it I couldn’t do that, if I was the woman I would be concerned to be honest

Daddy didn't leave. You ended it didn't you? Don't feed your kids a false narrative.

She might not be around forever. My children had a step mum when little and she insisted they call her mum which was totally inappropriate. She married my ex husband very quickly then then very quickly divorced.
He married for the third time this year. My eldest doesn't like her as she hasn't been very nice to him and my youngest is indifferent.
I have a partner who has a 12 year old boy but he acts a lot younger than 12 and has had a few issues. I feel sorry for him and I want the best for him but ultimately he is just my partners son. If we split up I would not miss his son or ever have any interest in seeing him again. I am nice to him but there is no mother and son relationship at all.
You only get one mum.