To feel threatened by OW

[Preear]

I have lost all of my confidence since ex left me for somebody else. We have 2 kids who are 4 and 7 and they have just been on holiday with them and my son is now crying because he kisses dad (he is 4) my daughter however said it didn’t feel right being on holiday without me. I am so worried that this woman is going to my place. I can’t afford to take them on holiday etc and I don’t want another man right now (it’s only been 5 months since we split) somebody tell me to get a grip

Like I said this is not really about the other woman. Do you have kids? Introducing them so soon is a dick move for everybody involved

They also went away together a week prior to that, any other decent woman/human being would have held back and said no you know what you have a nice week with your kids this time. Baring in mind they were travelling to see grandparents and the weather wasn’t great. Just sounds stupid to me

She is not the OTHER WOMAN. She is his GF!

please go back and read your own posts on this thread.

you asked if you’ll ever feel better, if you can ever be happy etc, everything you said sounded like he left you for another woman !!

It does not matter, I was left with no choice as he completely checked out family life and 2 weeks later was with somebody else? I mean I am no professor but the proof is in the pudding

Sorry op, you just sound like sour grapes. Your choices might sound stupid to others. In my opinion she is a decent human being, she was nice to your kids. It’s unlikely to be her idea to take the kids along (why would she want that?), your ex took that decision and as a parent I can tell you it doesn’t harm the kids.

Are you the OW????

No, I simply see things as they are.

and so do I. You’re miles away, things like this should be done out of respect for everybody involved sorry

you asked him to leave, he left and found a GF. The new GF is nice to the kids and you are fuming!!

Can you see who is the one with problems here?

I simply do not see any disrespect towards you.

His GF was not trying to take your place by just going on a holiday with your kids!!

no, what I see is the kids wondering who this woman is so soon after daddy left. What I see is that if you really love somebody and respect them you can’t just move on like that. Even though I am the one that ended it I couldn’t do that, if I was the woman I would be concerned to be honest

Once you tell somone you don’t love them and that’s it’s over etc, you don’t get to control how quickly they move on or how they cope.

Did you ask on a previous post about dating? Are you considering it? Don’t you think that’s too soon?? Who gets to decide all that?

Kids understood their parents separated. 5 months is a long time - they seem happy after the holiday (except for missing their dad - but that’s on you, not him!) - so no damage done. They may have also explained to the kids who this new woman is.

Sorry but you sound like the OW in a situation. Hope it all works out for you!

Oh wow!

Why am I the OW? Just because I’m not jumping to blame the man for no reason?

Why didn’t you make it clear in your original post that you left him ? You made it sound like he left you for another woman !!

If anyone, YOU are the OW right now. Your level of entitlement is unbelievable! She is his GF! Why is that so hard to accept esp when you kicked him out?

You are failing to understand it seems, this isnt about the OW it’s about what he has done to the whole family. Time to go back to school

Do you feel guilty for breaking up a family? I can’t see really any other reason for your bizarre outlook. You worried he will go back to his wife?

I'm out. You left him and now you're mad he's moved on? Did you expect him to sit around moping for you? I'm sorry you had an unhappy marriage but you told him you didn't love him, so why should he continue to show love and respect for you? YOU TOLD HIM YOU DIDN'T LOVE HIM

There is no "OW". You ended the relationship because you weren't getting along and you stopped wanting to have sex with him. It is deeply unreasonable of you to be angry with him for moving on and commenting on her looks. Your children sound like they love and want a relationship with him. That's brilliant. You sound like you are the only one struggling. Get help.

You didn’t want him! She didn’t break your family!! It was your choice !
why would he do back to you after you kicked him out?

How could I love somebody who spent most of his time with her, he swore blind nothing was going on but it was

OP, you need to wake up. I’m not your husband’s GF. My cousin’s wife did the same thing, he found someone and they’ve been together for over 5yrs now. His wife is still single, blaming his current partner for breaking her marriage. I know they met after the break up. My cousin was heartbroken and I was the one who introduced him to this new girl 3 months after his wife kicked him out.

I kind of know what this is like from the other side.

I think you really need to take a step back here and think in a different way. It's not easy, because you've created the narrative that you're most comfortable with, one that makes your ex husband the "baddie". That is very easy to do and lots of people do it.
The reality is, you ended a marriage, which you were completely within your rights to do. You had valid reasons. Your ex found a new partner and that is very uncomfortable for you. That is also completely normal. But he sounds happy in the relationship, and committed to giving your children lovely experiences. You have reframed the narrative so that his partner is the OW (she isn't) and that you are the victim and he is the baddie. But life isn't like that. There is no baddie here. You wanted the marriage to end, and that is what happened. It's unreasonable for you to have any expectations or control over how your ex lives his life now.

It's very very hard to admit to ourselves when we've changed the narrative to make ourselves feel better. But it would be really really good for you to do this, OP, and will free your children to have a good relationship with your ex's new life partner, and with you.

@Preear Why on earth are you so desperate to be viewed (and to view yourself) as a victim? Why is your narrative changing now that some posters are suggesting you need to work on your attitude? You ended your marriage and you are seeing that the changes are causing your children to feel confused and worried. Instead of channeling your energies and efforts into them fully instead you are looking to shift the blame and responsibility onto him. Maybe he could have waited another few months before taking the children away with her but something tells me that it would still have been the wrong thing to do.

Op, regardless of what happened before you kicked him out, he doesn’t owe you anything now!!

Right ok so. My ex was spending weekend long festivals with this woman and constantly on nights out with her, I questioned this and he said nothing was going on. He became more and more detached from us and I ended up falling out of love and ended it, two weeks later he is with her!