I pay all the bills, husband pays nothing

[DevonSunSeaSand]

I earn more than my husband but pay for every household bill, food, and holidays. Whilst I understand that it's unusual for this to be the case (the woman earning more), I'm still irritated that he doesn't pay towards joint costs.

He used to contribute to household expenses but never half, and since last year he's paying nothing. His money is all for himself and child maintenance but he still tells me he's broke every month despite earning more than the UK average.

We had a constructive chat a few weeks back about him paying off debt, setting up joint savings and having all our money in one account once he had cleared the loans etc, which he was agreeable to at the time. And then within a few days of the conversation, a new mobile phone costing over £1k arrives. The disappointment.

I'm frankly a bit fed up with it all but feel quite helpless and tired of butting my head on a brick wall.

AIBU for feeling unjust about the finances?

With no children and a short marriage, you might have to pay him something but it probably won't be much.

Love this.

It’s very unjust and I think you need to get him out of your life and find a nice person who loves you and doesn’t take advantage of your good nature. Being nice makes some people think it’s ok to walk over you. It’s not and he’s definitely not a great guy. Divorce him asap

Well of course he was lovely before you married - or you wouldn't have married him!

You're being used.

You can get out of this shitshow and stop being used or stick with it because ........??????

On the face of it, this seems pretty outrageous. But there is a massive income disparity.

Do you have less spare money than him after all the bills are paid? It sounds like you have financial goals that are unachievable if (as appears to be the case) he's spending a third of your joint income on child maintenance and frivolities and you did the same?

My initial reaction is to say kick him out. See a lawyer and get rid of him as soon as you can as the longer he takes advantage of you, the more he will be entitled to, and the more your wealth will transfer to him when you do split up. If you've been together less than 5 years then speed is of the essence if you wish to try and keep as much as you can of what you brought in to the marriage.

I would give him 24 hours to pack his stuff if I was feeling kind.

Dump the cocklodger.

It doesn't sound like your recent chat was constructive at all. He told you what you wanted to hear to shut you up.

What you have to do is decide if you want a kept man or not.

You could almost admire a cocklodger so determined that he played the ultimate long game.

But as for what you do now......get rid. There really is no other option.

Having the conversation about sorting out money and getting things back onto an even keel is a good thing to do, and it did sound like at the time went well. I would have done the same, no one ends a marriage without trying to sort the issues, or rather they shouldnt. But the fact that within days he was spending stupidly and still not contributing says that this is not going to change. He has found the Golden Goose, so why the hell should he change when she keeps laying them golden eggs?

Sorry that ended up with one of these arseholes but if you stay with him you will end up depleted of physical assets, money and self respect.

I hope your assets are protected.

He doesn't love you and thinks he is doing you a favour by being married to you , so you have to pay for this privilege. I'd rather invest those money in myself, better return on investment.

Men show their love by providing support and prioritising their partner's needs. Even if they are poor, they wouldn't withhold from you when they love you. You are being crudely used here. Jump the ship asap.

How much is this debt he has? Surely with the sale of his house and living for free he'd have paid off debts?

Is he a secret gambler?

I'm thinking he either has a large pot of savings, or he has a HUGE debt due to an overspending and/or gambling addiction.

Or he's just a plain old cocklodger.

How do you feel about him now? If this was resolved and he paid a third of all household costs, would you feel good about him? Or has the resentment grown and there's no going back for you? I'd seek legal advice regardless on whether you want to stay with him or not to ensure he has no right to any of your house. In that respect, it's good that he's not contributing to your mortgage, but the marriage may negate that.

You are being horribly used op. I am sorry, as no doubt he started out as an amazing dp, quite deliberately to reel you in, but it was clearly just an act.

I would be moving my assets safely around, take some legal advice and separate immediately. It is very likely he is swimming in debt, and you will be too if you stay with him.

This. Was just about to say that is not a husband that is a child more specifically a sugar baby. For all you know he may be spending that money on another woman

He will drag you down financially. I would call an end to this marriage. You’ve made a mistake with him.

What did he do with the money off his house? You need to get him to contribute its not your fault he has a load of debts and I'm sure he still has money he's getting an easy ride.

He will drag you down.
The promises to contribute will continue but will never happen.
You'll spend your entire life feeling burdened and resentful. If not up to your eyeballs in debt.
Leaving him is the answer.

I think you need therapy to open your eyes to the rather extreme financial abuse you’ve allowed. Such a shame people seem to fall into these situations from, I’m sure, an excess of good intentions.

Not unjust.
This would put me off him for good.
What do you need him for?
How long will this adult be allowed to take a piss?

If mortgage is in your name & he's not contributing anything then it should be easy to ask him to leave. The £1K phone is just an insult. Get rid & you will be better off.

What has happened to the money from selling his house?

I think he saw you coming. The sooner you divorce him, the less it will cost you.

That’s not on. My DH earns wastly more than me but I still contribute to bils. We split it % according to our earnings which works well for us and my DH tend to pay for anything like going to the pub etc

Is this a reverse/is it your wife not contributing?

Is he the SAHD? Did he agree to earn less but do childcare etc? Who pays for child? You mention child maintenance is that his from a prior or now?
If he has no child responsibilities that he is forgiving then yes aCL and get rid, if there is a child in the mix then give full facts or you won't get valid advice?