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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave a class WhatsApp due to a "mole"

327 replies

PsychoHacker · 23/02/2025 23:38

I have one DC so I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing. I'm trying to work out if this is a non issue or if I have a right to be miffed.

There's a unofficial WhatsApp chat for DC's class. I've found it pretty useful as I don't have any other DC and this is my first rodeo with a child in school.

For a while now I've suspected that someone has been "feeding back" the chat to the school. The reason being that any time something is discussed, there seems to be a notice posted within a few hours, discussing exactly what was said in the chat.

I've not really given it too much thought as there is never anyone being malicious or saying anything bad about the school however there has been a few minor rants regarding the usual things like homework or school events etc.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school, and there's no way the school would have any knowledge of it unless someone told them. Again nothing malicious however this really confirmed the "mole" theory for me.

Last week someone in the chat basically "outed" themselves as a friend of the teachers. Fine, doesn't make much of a difference to anyone however the more I think of it, the more uncomfortable it makes me.

Why would anyone feel the need to go running to the school with every little detail posted in this chat? Most of the topics are nonsense. Are they trying to score brownie points? Isolate themselves from the other parents? I just don't understand the thought process behind it.

I think I'll need to leave the chat as it's making me rather uncomfortable that someone is sharing my messages and input without my permission. Such a shame as the chat has been very helpful with keeping me informed with events and anything else school related. Wwyd?

OP posts:
scandalo · 23/02/2025 23:42

I'm intrigued! My class WhatsApp's have been nothing but homework reminders, trip logistics etc. what are you all posting about that the school would feel the need to respond to?!

DancingHippos · 23/02/2025 23:42

I think you should stay on it as there's always useful info being shared e.g. dates and times for stuff. However be aware there is a mole so just don't share too much.
You'll make friends with other mums, no doubt, who you can ask more personal/ awkward questions to.

familyfullofeccentrics1 · 23/02/2025 23:43

I wouldn’t leave the chat if you find it useful.

However, I’d be reluctant to post much on it.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 23/02/2025 23:45

You are overreacting. You've said yourself that the group is helpful to you and that nobody is being malicious. Why do you say a person "outed herself" as being friends with the teachers, as if it is some sort of awful admission? Do you think she should hide it? Lots of the mums in my kids' WhatsApp groups volunteer on the PTA or at the school and consequesntly lots are friends with the teachers. It really isn't taboo.

And surely if your feedback is being heard by the school that can only be a good thing... unless you are wanting to use the group to badmouth the school/teachers and worry that your negative comments will be shared?

Hollyhedge · 23/02/2025 23:45

I’d highlight it to the group. Anyone seen x notice? Strange we were talking about it earlier

BlueJellycat · 23/02/2025 23:46

Can you just stay on there without posting? Our WhatsApp group is set up by the school and i rarely post.

The other one run by parents isn't much better that I set up. We had parents calling out staff by name, so I asked for no pupils or staff to be named. Anything general that is topical gets a few certain mums upset who then ask for the subject to be dropped "please don't talk about gcses I'm bearly coping, please don't talk about a levels I'm bearly coping, please don't talk about school I'm barely coping" etc. So it's better to just sit back and silently get pe kit, trip, dress up day reminders IMO

Hufflemuff · 23/02/2025 23:46

Just be an observer rather than a contributor.

I'd be surprised if this is true, the school probably have lots of other things on their plate to worry about some topics that one class of mums are discussing. I can't imagine they would be so reactive to some chatter in a whatsapp?

Pickled21 · 23/02/2025 23:47

People are weird. I'd use it for the purposes intended and that's it. Don't get drawn into any debates just watch out for the useful info.

Original poster
PsychoHacker · 23/02/2025 23:47

DancingHippos · 23/02/2025 23:42

I think you should stay on it as there's always useful info being shared e.g. dates and times for stuff. However be aware there is a mole so just don't share too much.
You'll make friends with other mums, no doubt, who you can ask more personal/ awkward questions to.

This is a good idea. I'll stay for the info. I don't post much anyway but I'll definitely be mindful of what I do post from now on.

OP posts:
DrAnnaTaylorRyan · 23/02/2025 23:50

We had this exact scenario. Someone was feeding info to the headteacher.

Once we cottoned on we just kept it very basic info sharing. Never did identify the mole!

Original poster
PsychoHacker · 23/02/2025 23:51

DrAnnaTaylorRyan · 23/02/2025 23:50

We had this exact scenario. Someone was feeding info to the headteacher.

Once we cottoned on we just kept it very basic info sharing. Never did identify the mole!

I just don't understand why someone would do this? They must have a very boring life. People are weird.

OP posts:
PineappleCoconut · 23/02/2025 23:51

We had this
One of the very annoying mums, with equally annoying children, would feed back whenever someone vaguely critiqued the school, what a staff member did or homework. Was extremely tiresome. I put it on mute and avoided her even more. She later became an even more annoying TA at the school.

And now we have similar in a work ish related group. Some annoying bugger feeds back to management, who refuse to discuss things with us as a group, but equally want to know what we are saying collectively.

Some people just like to stir.
I need to be in less WhatsApp groups

CherryBlossom321 · 23/02/2025 23:55

I would never join one in the first place. They always sound awful from what I hear in person, and read on here.

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 23:56

I don’t think most school staff have enough time to plant moles in WhatsApp groups. There are parent reps for feeding back info to the school at my kid’s school.

Original poster
PsychoHacker · 24/02/2025 00:00

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 23:56

I don’t think most school staff have enough time to plant moles in WhatsApp groups. There are parent reps for feeding back info to the school at my kid’s school.

I didn't say that the school planted a mole? Not sure where you got that from. Did you even read my post?

OP posts:
IKnowAristotle · 24/02/2025 00:01

I'm on the pta, board of governors and a member of two class WhatsApps. IME, There won't be one mole - people will feedback different info to the school based on their own interests/bias.

Why do people do it? People are weird.

SequoiaTree · 24/02/2025 00:04

When my dc were at primary school I heard about a WhatsApp group where someone called a teacher a Little Hitler. The person was called into the head teacher who had a print out of what was said. 😄

Loooop · 24/02/2025 00:12

There is a woman on ours that emails the head teacher with every concern or questions. Or sometimes a suggestion. Could it be a bit like that. All that class what’s apps are up in arms because there were no fish fingers and at the same time parents are emailing in with fish finger complaints so school respond?

Shyawayfromtit · 24/02/2025 00:15

Surely if you’re all discussing something is an issue and the school responds that’s a positive?

totally perplexed as to what you’d be discussing that has nothing to do with school and then the school email about though?

Shyawayfromtit · 24/02/2025 00:16

SequoiaTree · 24/02/2025 00:04

When my dc were at primary school I heard about a WhatsApp group where someone called a teacher a Little Hitler. The person was called into the head teacher who had a print out of what was said. 😄

Good. That slanderous and a
frankly ridiculous thing to post on a class group

RawBloomers · 24/02/2025 00:19

I wouldn't leave the chat if I found it useful. I expect people to gossip about group chats like that and for at least some stuff to get back to the school. i would never expect that what was said on it was in any way private.

I think it's weird that the school react to being told about the chats by sending out announcements about it. That might make me feel mischievous and like playing games over it, though given schools have enough on their plates at the moment I probably wouldn't.

cheseandme · 24/02/2025 00:21

Am so glad that WhatsApp didn’t exist when my children were at primary! It just comes across as toxic and stressful.

EdithBond · 24/02/2025 00:25

Wow. It’s like Wagatha Christie. Not on WhatsApp thank heavens.

Can’t you stay in the group for info but not post anything?

Labraradabrador · 24/02/2025 00:25

Even if ‘unofficial’ school comms groups should be respectful to both members and the school / teachers.

in my experience, when things get fed back to the school is either 1) a legitimate concern that needs to be addressed or 2) someone is stirring shit and it needs to be addressed. Schools have way more important things to focus on than parent gossip in y4, so as long as you are considerate and don’t feed into gossip or general shit stirring you really shouldn’t be concerned what does or doesn’t get fed back to the school.

MrsSunshine2b · 24/02/2025 00:26

If you aren't engaging in gossip about teachers or pupils, then why wouldn't you be OK with the school knowing what's been said? If you are raising valid concerns about staff then it's a good job someone is re-directing them to the correct place rather than a WhatsApp group.

Those groups can be viper pits and teachers get dragged through the mud based on hearsay and idle chitchat. Not just the teachers themselves but their family. I had a Headteacher insisting my teacher husband policed my Facebook account because of parents stalking me and talking about me on WhatsApp- this was triggered because one of them saw I was looking for a removals service on a community group and decided to spread rumours that he was moving house.

If you want to have a good old rant about a teacher, find a different forum to do it.