Would you leave a class WhatsApp due to a "mole"

[PsychoHacker]

I have one DC so I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing. I'm trying to work out if this is a non issue or if I have a right to be miffed.

There's a unofficial WhatsApp chat for DC's class. I've found it pretty useful as I don't have any other DC and this is my first rodeo with a child in school.

For a while now I've suspected that someone has been "feeding back" the chat to the school. The reason being that any time something is discussed, there seems to be a notice posted within a few hours, discussing exactly what was said in the chat.

I've not really given it too much thought as there is never anyone being malicious or saying anything bad about the school however there has been a few minor rants regarding the usual things like homework or school events etc.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school, and there's no way the school would have any knowledge of it unless someone told them. Again nothing malicious however this really confirmed the "mole" theory for me.

Last week someone in the chat basically "outed" themselves as a friend of the teachers. Fine, doesn't make much of a difference to anyone however the more I think of it, the more uncomfortable it makes me.

Why would anyone feel the need to go running to the school with every little detail posted in this chat? Most of the topics are nonsense. Are they trying to score brownie points? Isolate themselves from the other parents? I just don't understand the thought process behind it.

I think I'll need to leave the chat as it's making me rather uncomfortable that someone is sharing my messages and input without my permission. Such a shame as the chat has been very helpful with keeping me informed with events and anything else school related. Wwyd?

We had this with son's primary school during Covid. The school did no online teaching at all, and parents were incredibly stressed and frustrated. Some mild criticism got fed back and we received a dreadful email from the head, which led to a huge breakdown in support for her and the school.

It was very clear who the mole was; she flounced and subsequently rejoined the chat, but those of us similar-minded parents ended up setting up a separate chat.

I'd stay as it's handy for dates/reminders. It's important to remember anything you write online can be screenshot and kept forever.

I'm a school governor, I'm on the class what's app group for my sons class but I never give my opinion when parents are having a moan as I'm very aware one wrong message and I could lose my position. I also never pass info on to school as parents deserve a space to vent.

Leave the group if you feel so strongly but then you would miss out on all the useful information that's being shared.
Just don't write anything incriminating, derogatory or contentious yourself and ignore anyone who does so.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school

Id love to know what this was. People's weekend shenanigans? Extreme left or right wing views? Please give us a clue!

Same thing with my son's class Whatsapp. The parents were discussing the new class teacher, who had previously been working as a TA, saying she wasn't a proper teacher. Poor girl was mortified and made a point of telling me she was a qualified teacher. She was lovely and really good teacher!

Not sure which parent it was, but one of them was friends with a TA (not an entirely pleasant woman) who sometimes worked with the class. It was all getting fed back to her and through her to the head teacher.

I made a point of saying in the chat that someone in the group was passing the comments on so she knew we were on to her. I only use the group for info now. How malicious!

@MiserableMrsMopp no one should have been discussing the teacher in the group. Someone in the group should have shut that conversation down

Too right this person was passing on comments

the parents were bitching
and they were wrong as she WAS a qualified teacher
ans bizarre you think @MiserableMrsMopp that the person passing on the comments is the person in the wrong

If it's confusion about a mufti day and the school send a general reminder, that's ok, surely?
If the Whatsapp group are talking maliciously about another parent/ teacher/ student, then that's the school's business and someone needs a word.

Not many were talking about it (most parents don't chat in it) but the comment was made. I don't think it's an issue, parents having a moan. The group isn't particularly critical.

It's the reporting back that is the issue. Being sneaky.

Don’t you have rules or a school
policy you have to adhere to? Yours do not allow gossiping (complaining) about teachers or specific school
policies just dissemination of information. Use the whatsapp group for that and you will be fine.
IMO the parents you use those groups to chat and gossip have very boring lifes. I have a busy job, I check the group for key details (when is PE day etc) and that’s it.

When I was a school governor, there was a class WhatsApp that got really toxic with parents all posting messages about one particular child and also some really horrible things about the teacher. So although it’s not officially part of the school it does affect the school. I suppose all the information about what was going on in the group must have come from a parent.

My friend also sends screen shots round to make a point how stupid the discussions and other mums are.

Me too. I’d say ‘who’s the mole?’ with a jokey face/shrug. Sounds like it’s minor things being fed back, not major dramas/scandals/bitching about people so I’d keep it light! But definitely say something. I wouldn’t leave as I wouldn’t be the one saying anything bad so therefore the benefit of reminders, social, and any drama is worth it to stay imo. And you seem to know who the mole is (teacher friend) so no mystery, you know who not to tell stuff too!

Like any group, and any thread on here, it depends on the members and what they say/write.

Happened on one of ours ages ago. I had planned to stay on and not say much, but what actually happened is there was a massive row, it all went up in flames and everyone left.

I think it's probably worth remembering that the school isnt the enemy.

I get that it's not a nice feeling if a private chat feels less private because of this but, tbh, it's not really a 'private' chat anyway- it's a school related chat with a large number of adults who aren't your friends but chose to have children who were born around the same time as yours. I'd always be very wary of what I posted in a group chat of that size!

Sometimes, schools think they have communicated something clearly but it's still confusing to the parents. If that gets back to school and the school clarify, that's not an issue.

There's a parent WA group for every year group in our school. We know about them because the parents tell us. I've certainly been asked to clarify something by a parent who has told me there was some confusion in the WA group about something and we've clarified it for all parents.

That's not because that person is a 'mole' but because they've realised that moaning about lack of clarity over something in a group chat doesn't solve a problem but asking the school/class teacher about it directly might.

Fortunately, some parents see us as allies and will approach us directly because they realise that we are all actually.on the same side but, unfortunately, some treat us as an adversary who must be defeated and perceive every miscommunication or forgotten homework as an act of war.

Surely every class wattsapp has either a parent who is also a TA, or friends with one. Or they are a governor or on the PTA. Or teachers who know other teachers. So, you always have to be careful what you say. I don't think its a mole-its just the way local communities and digital communication typically works.

None of mine have ever been a place for slating the staff or school so nothing to hide: apart from the odd low grade grumble.

Sounds all a bit over dramatic to me.
I would just stay on, mute it, check every so often for useful reminders but not post much.

Yes there are always likely to be parents on there who also work at the school or who have good friends that do so it's not the best place to rant or air school frustrations.

Maybe they’re trying to be helpful, as in asking their friend “a few of us were unsure what day we have to bring in XYZ, please can you confirm so I can feedback?”

My son's class has a WhatsApp and there's someone on there who brings info to the school. It's no secret. No one should say anything in a WhatsApp group of 30+ people they aren't comfortable being shared more widely anyway. Different if it's just your friends of course.

However - I'm on the PTA and friendly with some teachers and I never raise issues from the group as it's always dominated by a few noisy people. I just remind everyone now and again that they can speak to the headteacher (who is lovely and very available for a chat) or raise questions via the PTA. Then mostly everyone remembers that they're too busy for this drama and wouldn't get involved in actually doing anything anyway and stops whinging.

What is everyone posting that gets fed back?!

Im intrigued because my school doesn’t have a WA group.

I'm in 2 class WhatsApps. One is purely reminders, Johnny has David's hat etc and party invites. The other one has some low level grumbling from time to time, usually about school dinners or occasionally mild things about teachers (Mrs X still hasn't sent out parents evening slots). Generally a parent is quick to email the school with their concerns so there would be no need for anyone to report back! I never say anything critical but it's nothing that makes me too uncomfortable. There's 30 odd parents on the chat, some I barely know, so IMO it's not appropriate to say too much. It is a useful source of info though, plus whole class party invites seem to go on there, so you risk missing out on those.

They aren't official at my kids school. Parents have set them up and the teachers refuse to get involved e.g. a parent asked if a message could be sent out saying 'if you want to join the group text X' and was told no.

We don’t have them at my kids’ school - I don’t really buy that it’s handy for dates: the school emails are enough. I gather they’re usually a space for performative labour.

I agree mostly. However, there is a lot of secrecy in our school and the HT is very much of the attitude that what goes on at school isn't the parents business. Not passing info on to parents. For example, class teacher leaving. And parents not knowing until the day before the holiday starts to reduce any comments (this was the FIFTH change of teacher in a year and a half). Things changing in the class without parents being informed. New behaviour policies being implemented without parents kept up to day.

And parents are obviously concerned at times. Quite naturally. So then to be told that these things should not be discussed (this was actually put into a school newsletter!) seems to be a form of censorship to me. No, I don't Whatsapp about them due to the presence of the mole, but to tell parents not to discuss things they're worried about when the school 1) doesn't pass on info and 2) shuts down requests for discussion with the school, is crazy. They are our children!