Would you leave a class WhatsApp due to a "mole"

[PsychoHacker]

I have one DC so I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing. I'm trying to work out if this is a non issue or if I have a right to be miffed.

There's a unofficial WhatsApp chat for DC's class. I've found it pretty useful as I don't have any other DC and this is my first rodeo with a child in school.

For a while now I've suspected that someone has been "feeding back" the chat to the school. The reason being that any time something is discussed, there seems to be a notice posted within a few hours, discussing exactly what was said in the chat.

I've not really given it too much thought as there is never anyone being malicious or saying anything bad about the school however there has been a few minor rants regarding the usual things like homework or school events etc.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school, and there's no way the school would have any knowledge of it unless someone told them. Again nothing malicious however this really confirmed the "mole" theory for me.

Last week someone in the chat basically "outed" themselves as a friend of the teachers. Fine, doesn't make much of a difference to anyone however the more I think of it, the more uncomfortable it makes me.

Why would anyone feel the need to go running to the school with every little detail posted in this chat? Most of the topics are nonsense. Are they trying to score brownie points? Isolate themselves from the other parents? I just don't understand the thought process behind it.

I think I'll need to leave the chat as it's making me rather uncomfortable that someone is sharing my messages and input without my permission. Such a shame as the chat has been very helpful with keeping me informed with events and anything else school related. Wwyd?

I have two words for you: Wagatha Christie! Seriously though, it would annoy me as well. Yes it’s trivial stuff but if that’s the case why the need to go running to the school with it? The people saying “if it’s trivial information then just forget it” clearly don’t understand that when you have an inquisitive and/or logical mind it drives you mad when things don’t make sense! And as for the “you’re obviously jealous” comment, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a few batshit comments from that same MN username recently!

There’s at least two members of staff in our class WhatsApp, if anyone has any serious issues it’s talked about in person or in a separate chat. It’s always handy to be in the chat just in case something crops up

We have teachers with kids in the class and a TA so plenty of 'moles' to leak gossip and I'm 100% certain they do. I just don't comment on anything. I take what I need from it, homework, trip reminders etc and leave the rest of the politics to the others.

If a school/teacher is being gossiped about then they should have the right to know

This whole post is so hypocritical. The parents of the whole class wants to gossip but not be gossiped about. This isn’t a close group of friends it’s a whole class of parents. Of course it’s not confidential. Surely if it’s about the school and worth mentioning to the school community it’s worth communicating to the school…

This is exactly what I’d do !

Just stay put, take from it what you need and say or offer nothing. It's a what's app group keeping in proportion.

I think if parents want to be able to teach their children to use their phones and social media responsibly when the time comes, they need to know that what is said in the "privacy" of social media could be repeated any time and any where.

If parents don't realise that what is said in a group can be repeated outside a group, then they really shouldn't be using social media.

@PsychoHacker Could you stay in the chat but just mute the notifications? Always think that it looks a bit odd to see a notification "so and so left the group" (& people may assume you've left in a snot)

I wish parents would model the behaviour they want their children to do in respect of social media. Appears absolutely fine for parents to gossip about school, teacher etc. If anyone tells school they are a mole, snitch. But if another child gossips about their child in social media they will be going straight to school to complain and ask what school are going to do about it!

Just use it for factual queries eg homework.
Dont get involved with bitching about the school or teachers.

I'd feel pretty frustrated if I were a teacher or a Head and any spreading of misinformation amongst parents unfairly tainted my reputation or made my job harder. I imagine that happens alot with some fish wife like behaviour I see online.

As a parent, I would never ever go there and find these public group discussions, like moaning on FB about someone or the school just gutter level. ( And as a SEN parent I have alot to moan about).

So I would stay because the information is important regarding dates, times, can I just check this etc etc. But I would keep my comms very very detached and never engage in anything emotional,bitchy, shit stirring. Facts only.

You can switch off notifications to WhatsApp which I personally love. You only see messages when you deliberately go in and check.

We had this. I asked a question on WA relating to something my then young child thought they could wear to a school activity.

The teacher, who was not on the group, replied in person to my child! My child was upset by this so I told my child I won't post on the group again and i didn't, I muted it and just read it for info.

I suspect the mole was a parent who was also the class TA. And a popular mum who never reciprocated our playdate. Urgh.

I was going to post, "could the mole please identify themselves" but I didn't want to make things awkward for my child so I left it.

Something more serious was posted and that got back too and the school had to say to keep convos professional.

I was going to post, "could the mole please identify themselves" but I didn't

I did post in the group, @NotAPersonalAttack. I wrote that someone in the group was feeding info back to the school. There was a marked reduction in participation after that point. And of course no one owned up to it.

The headteacher at my DCs previous secondary school was secretly a member of the parents Facebook page and WhatsApp group.
She told me herself as she told me someone moaned about me but she had seen what I said and told the parent she was full of bollocks and had seen a screenshot. She asked me to keep it quiet but said the admin on both knew about it and that was the only reason why the groups existed.

Don't be surprised if there's a sly staff member on there without any of your knowledge.

@MiserableMrsMopp in your group people were gossiping about a member of staff. Do you not think that should have been told to school? If someone was being horrible about your child on social media would you want someone to do something about it?

i think you are right that it is probably the one who is friendly with the teacher out of school. Maybe even showing her the posts. Just be careful what you say and remain on the site.However if there is something you wish to be leaked back this looks like the perfect forum to use!

I had exactly this but it was really twisted how she fed back to the teachers. I actually got called to the heads office once and I asked her to look through the chat because what she was saying was so twisted but she wouldn't look, ironically saying no no it's a private chat, I was like well it's supposed to be but clearly not! I was livid!

Stay on but dont 'chat' as such just add info or ask Qs. If you want to chat with other parents do that privately. If there's a group of you who get on suggest your own whatsapp group.

I agree that the person sharing everyone's chat is sad.

Not WhatsApp here, but a FB group that was set up by a parent for parents of kids at our secondary school. Worked well until head got wind of it, probably in same way, brown nosed parent! Then head's wife joined (who only has a tiny child!) And the threatening messages started, the moderators were told to remove what were basically harmless posts. Nobody was allowed to discuss anything or dare to mention anything, or they were literally removed! I now have a fake profile and talk only of my "step child" so they don't know which surname child I might have, but usually I say nothing as it's likely I will be highlighted, of "interest" and removed! It's not fair to censor such basic information, it's controlling and Big Brother. In our case I don't see how they can force moderators to do this, it's a FB, not the school's page. But then they scare the moderators who are parents too, and they think their own kids will get a bad deal at school because of it (and they will!). I know some situations might be inappropriate to air some views and or name teachers, but not all.

It’s almost like social media isn’t private! 😯😂

In all honestly, the HT could have avoided this by 1) not swapping staff between roles so much (5 changes to 1 class in 18 months is ridiculous) and 2) making parents aware that the 4th teacher's replacement wasn't a TA, despite her working as one in the school.

She was a lovely teacher. I'm very sorry she eventually left because she got fed up being a TA not a teacher. But we should all have been told the exact position. Not kept in the dark (as is frequent at the school).

I'm petty as a petty thing. I would drop in the conversation something innocuous but not run of the mill, maybe ask if anyone has heard about headlice and see what happens...you should get your answer. After that, be a non contributor but stay in the group as it sounds useful. Don't worry about some of the comments in here, they can jog on.