Would you leave a class WhatsApp due to a "mole"

[PsychoHacker]

I have one DC so I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing. I'm trying to work out if this is a non issue or if I have a right to be miffed.

There's a unofficial WhatsApp chat for DC's class. I've found it pretty useful as I don't have any other DC and this is my first rodeo with a child in school.

For a while now I've suspected that someone has been "feeding back" the chat to the school. The reason being that any time something is discussed, there seems to be a notice posted within a few hours, discussing exactly what was said in the chat.

I've not really given it too much thought as there is never anyone being malicious or saying anything bad about the school however there has been a few minor rants regarding the usual things like homework or school events etc.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school, and there's no way the school would have any knowledge of it unless someone told them. Again nothing malicious however this really confirmed the "mole" theory for me.

Last week someone in the chat basically "outed" themselves as a friend of the teachers. Fine, doesn't make much of a difference to anyone however the more I think of it, the more uncomfortable it makes me.

Why would anyone feel the need to go running to the school with every little detail posted in this chat? Most of the topics are nonsense. Are they trying to score brownie points? Isolate themselves from the other parents? I just don't understand the thought process behind it.

I think I'll need to leave the chat as it's making me rather uncomfortable that someone is sharing my messages and input without my permission. Such a shame as the chat has been very helpful with keeping me informed with events and anything else school related. Wwyd?

They are helpful though.

What time does parents assembly start?
Do they need inside/outside PE kit today?
Did they get homework last night/new reading books because we don't have one?

Etc. I find it useful. Just no gossip.

A few people have mentioned low grade grumbles.

Surely, its better that low grade grumbles are brought to the school's attention so that they can be resolved?

Most of them really aren't important and can be easily resolved but some people don't like that because they'd rather just have something to moan about!

I’d stay on because it’s useful. And one day you might want to pass on a message to the teachers without officially raising it!

VERY good point! True.

I should think the parent concerned likes to feel special.

@MiserableMrsMopp maybe teachers are leaving because of bitchy parents saying they are not proper teachers. Maybe HT is trying to protect their staff.

We have two teachers on my youngest DC class WhatsApp (they both have children in her year). One is SLT / deputy head.

Nobody censors what they write lol. In fact it's often a good way of getting things highlighted!!

I think it depends what is being fed back. If it's everyone is moaning about the homework (maybe no one understands how to do it, it's too much on top of reading etc) then that is pretty harmless and maybe the person you are calling a mole is using the group as a sounding board to see if it's just them with the issue or if others are struggling. If they realise others find it hard, then it gives them more to go back to the school and say 'well it's not just my family, others find it hard too'.

These groups can be pretty insane in the early years but die out by around year 3 thankfully. I do remember one big drama in the group where some parents got the wrong end of the stick about an issue that was already being dealt with by the school, but did stir it up in the chat so much that one parent went to the governors about the (non) issue. That to me seemed like a total waste of everyone's time when staff already had the matter in hand and had even spoken to certain parents that needed to know about it. It was definitely not a governor issue (though reading some replies on MN a lot of people seem to think you can run to them whenever a teacher doesn't supposedly listen to you).

I would remain in the group just for information purposes e.g. inset days, any party invites, but not actively engage in the other chat

Teachers aren't physically leaving. One was off having her baby and the others were due to internal shuffling and moving things around mid-term.

The one who had parents query her qualifications left at the end of the year. Because she was shuffled down, back to being a TA. She is now working as a class teacher elsewhere. Lovely teacher. Truly caring but massively undervalued by our school.

This is what I'd do!

As if teachers haven't got enough to deal with, a bunch of gossipy mums who create more work for them. I never needed a WhatsApp group, I don't know why you'd choose to stay a part of something that must be pretty toxic.

Generally unless these groups are complaining about the school, naming staff or students, then the school aren't interested in what's being said. My son's school parent page, is run by volunteers, and there's no school involvement but it's made very clear - grievances direct to the school, no staff or students names to be mentioned. I'd stay on the group to be honest, they are useful. I rarely post anything on my school parents Facebook page.

I would stay in the WhatsApp group, because then you’ll still see the useful messages about school events etc.

But I’d also be very mindful about what I posted myself, and only post things that I’d be happy for all the teachers and school staff to see.

When DC1 was in his first primary school 3 of the children in his year group were children of teachers at the school. So I had a strong suspicion that these teacher parents would feel obliged to pass along anything from the group chats that looked like bitching about the school / other teachers. Judging by how polite the posts generally were, I think that the other parents felt the same way I did about watching what they posted.

And frankly, given the amount of bitching about certain teachers / school policies that went on face to face while waiting for the DC at school pick up time, I can only be thankful that the group chats stayed as a nice non-contentious informative space!

Just keep it professional. If you feel the need to rant then do that with your friends or family. We don't have a class WhatsApp, thank fuck. However, we recently had the police on the school gates because a class WhatsApp descended into threats of violence and threats to stab. Clearly our area is ghetto. This was reported to the school and then the police.

Class what’s app group was just for notices/mufti days, begging for help for the class stall at fare or asking for any spare tickets for nativity play! It was never a forum to discuss behaviour or issues with the school - these always should be directed directly to the appropriate person in school.

No. I wouldn’t. But then I wouldn’t use a WhatsApp group to bitch low level grumble about the school. If I’ve an issue with the school, I tell them. On the rare occasion someone in the group has shares they have an issue, it’s usually shared by at least one other person, and I strongly suggest they contact the school.

If it’s bothering you enough to put it in a WhatsApp group full of people you barely know, then why aren’t you telling the school? They can’t fix or explain what they don’t know about… teachers aren’t mind readers.

If you are worried about come back, report anonymously.

There may not be a fix, or there may be an explanation for the way things are done. Again, if you don’t agree with the outcome of raising an issue with school, raise it via the proper channels.

I’ve yet to see group WhatsApp messages about a school issue have resolved it without reference to the school…

This makes me even happier all my kids are secondary school age and I missed the need to join group chats.
I did the wonderful ignore most parents at primary school plan. As far to many of them love drama.

I use mine to get information out.

We have several teachers, the Head of Governors and TAs in ours (small school,). We keep it to "has anyone seen Ys jumper" and "what day is PE".

If I think school is being rubbish about not giving us enough notice about stuff, I ask questions about it in the group and usually, within about an hour, school will send an email out about said event which has been on the calendar but no one knows anything about.

It's like they forget we are working parents who need more than 8 hours notice overnight to make a costume or bring in a box of biscuits.

Often there will be an overlap between the parents and various positions at the school. In DC1's WhatsApp, we had the Chair of Gov, another governor, a couple of people from the PTA and a teacher; in DC2's WhatsApp, we had the headteacher, two governors & couple of people from the PTA. We all knew who they were and that they were on the group.
All took a fairly passive role but would occasionally answer questions, comment that they could see something was an issue and would look into it and that sort of thing. They also tended to message on the group and ask us to share with other year groups if there was urgent information like a snow day as the official school messaging system could have a delay of a few minutes.

I'd leave but only because

• I don't want my name associated with a group that has regular bitchfests
• I have too much going on to want to see daily pings about bloody school

If the chat was just crap like "Is it non uniform day", fine, but given the life drain of what you describe, I'd make more effort to be organised and just text a school mum friend if I was really stuck.

I worked in a school for 10 years, only left in the summer. Members of staff sometimes have children at the school so it's easy enough to be part of those groups as a parent, even if you also teach at the school. A particular member of staff I worked with (non-teaching role, both of us) that also had her kid in one of those groups, used to report regularly about what was being discussed in our weekly meetings.

Should add that there are smaller clique groups excluding whom we know to be moles / close to school and the bitching and moaning happens on there and at the pub.

@MiserableMrsMopp but why the need to question her qualifications? The groups which have the rules that no names should be mentioned have got it right.

Can you imagine any other place of work where a group WhatsApp is set up to talk about your work and bitch about you

Now that’s a fantastic headteacher who supports his staff wellbeing 😊

I don't know. It hadn't occurred to me. My son was happy with her and that was my only concern. There are HLTAs teaching in the school though so maybe those parents assumed.