To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

[holidayblues25]

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

So, that's why he doesn't want you to stay home. Charming dude.

And that explains why your DH is so desperate for you to go! I couldn’t work out why he was being so strange about it but that makes perfect sense. He wants rid of you!

I would be messaging her and saying

“Hi “X” I wasn’t aware that children would be joining on the weekend away and I was really looking forward to some child free time to spend relaxing with you. All this being said I think I will give it a miss. If you would like to organise something child free for another time I would love to do that.”

I feel like you are going to lose your friend whose birthday it is if you drop out now so close to the event and are honest reason. If it was me I would go. Or if not I would lie about the reason.

As above.
Then book yourself into a lovely peaceful hotel for the weekend.
DH's get their joint childminding weekend.
Win, win, win.

This is so strange. Why don’t you just send your dh to his friends house and hang out with your own kids. This sounds like a nightmare and it’s only going to get worse. Trapped in a house with 15 random women and some selection of their kids. It will be complicated to work out the food, the schedule, etc etc. We have done this sort of thing with very, very good friends and it’s lovely (and we all go!) but still was a bit to work out logistically when kids started coming along.

You are an adult with a place you live. You’re allowed to be there. Your DH can figure out what he wants to do but none of this is your problem.

I would look for other options to find your people as this doesn’t sound like it.

In this case you should go, if you genuinely want to build friendships and get out of your comfort zone you won’t get that by cancelling things that make you feel anxious. What’s the worst that could happen?!

I don’t know why everyone’s mad at the husband, maybe he wants his wife to have more friends/be more social because she complains of being lonely?

I'd message saying, "sorry guys, count me out as I was looking forward to a relaxing holiday without kids." The holiday has changed. I'd be very annoyed at plans changing to include kids too.

A whole birthday weekend? What a self-indulgent little madam! Spoiled selfish person! I bet it costs you a lot, too. I wouldn't be going anyway, out of principle. But even if I was, the moment kids were involved, I'd pull out, and say why on chat.

Repeating myself here, but you should most definitely go on a nice solo trip or invite a friend not part of this group.

Beyond this weekend, are you planning to do something about your feelings of loneliness? I'd really recommend joining some hobby groups with an element of community. Choir, sports or physical activity, gardening/nature conservation groups. Lots of them offer free sessions. You'll feel part of something, and it might lead to enduring friendships.

I too think that the criticisms of the husband are a bit unfair.

But that doesn’t mean that the OP has to go.

It sounds as though it's going to be a pain in the ass with kids coming now but depends on their ages I suppose.

I think you should go, staying at home with your DH and hers and kids will be a pain; pointedly taking yourself off for a solo weekend will land very badly so I would suck it up and see how it goes this once.

What I would do is draw some very firm boundaries. You signed up for an adults weekend away, not one where you are constrained by bedtimes, food faddy kids and an inability to swear.

I would check out the local area properly. Know where you can go to for nice food, things you can go and do if you need some quiet time away from the group whether it's a spa, the nicest quiet local spots and activities likely to have very poor attraction to teens or younger.

Before you go, draw your boundaries with your friends on how bills are split - kids eating adult portions and booze are charged as adults. Be clear on expectations of you before you go - how clean does everyone have to leave the house. Beware those who dart off early on Sunday [kids or no kids] and don't do their share.

Because he’s telling her she’s weird and anti-social when in this instance at least she really, really isn’t! Most of the responses here agree that they wouldn’t want to go either because the random kids significantly change the dynamic, it’s not what was agreed to and isn’t most people’s idea of a good time. But OP’s husband keeps pushing it and is implying that there’s something wrong with her because he wants a free house for his boys weekend. I think that’s really crappy tbh. Maybe OP could do with being more social but that shouldn’t mean she has to force herself to go on what sounds like a really crap weekend away that honestly, no one in their right mind would enjoy.

Normally I'm a great one for if you say you'll do a thing you do it, and the time to decide whether its within your comfort zone is before you give your answer. However in this case, I feel you've been sold something of a pig in a poke. There's a world of difference between a group of adult women having a weekend away together and a trip involving children. If it were me I'd tell your friend you'd rather do something else with her on your own than go to the child friendly weekend. If you have agreed to be out of the way so your husband can host something though you probably should find a way to give him the space he thought he was getting.

I doubt my DH is telling me to go so he can have "his" weekend . After all, they're still looking after two DC and our DS really loves their DD, so it made sense for them to look after the DC.

He really is OP.

That's alright though. He was probably looking forward to some dude time without any wimmin about and that's alright. Why dont you tell him to go to his pals house instead and have their bro weekend there.

I don't think that house is great for two kids running around, ours is much better in that sense.

Anywho, it has transpired that it is my friend who's bringing her kid.

They want to drink beer and have a boys weekend. You are scupering the plans somewhat. As anyone would be crestfallen to be having a girls weekend with kids in tow. It defeats the object entirely.

So is it just one child going now?

So it's definitely 2 (maybe 3), and then everybody else is considering taking their own kids .

I think you should call or message your friend to say that you had originally agreed to weekend away with a small group of women but now that it's changed to a large group plus children, you've changed your mind. Tell her that you're not comfortable in large groups and hope she has a wonderful time and please can you take out for birthday lunch the following weekend, or something like that. I'm sure she will be fine with it and you will feel better once you have got this sorted.

A weekend with my friend's kids when mine are at home .....no.

A weekend with randoms and their kids and paying for the privilege is a firm swerve

Having read all the updates, I would defo be pulling out at this point. Sounds like a disorganised shit show, certainly not my idea of an enjoyable weekend away.
'Sorry Sharon, I can't make it now. Have a lovely birthday and we can have drinks to celebrate when you get back'

So her DH is not going to yours with the kids anyway now then?
it’s all very strange