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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asking for money

427 replies

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

OP posts:
Priddy · 23/02/2025 18:22

I would imagine that when she's busted for dealing drugs and the police look at her bank account they'll decide that you and DH are customers, OP.

FiatMultiplaWhopper · 23/02/2025 18:22

Your DH is a mug. Cannot believe you have continued to send her money.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/02/2025 18:22

God knows what it is but I’d suspect she’s laundering money by doing this with dozens of other people / money miles.
Although this is like something from 1990 - today it’s usually more sophisticated then this.

whatever it is - i wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

Feelingstrange2 · 23/02/2025 18:22

That's my feeling too.

Is she asking to be "loaned" money as a cover for selling something.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/02/2025 18:23

I'd be asking him if he is attracted to her and that's why he wants to keep chucking cash at her

YourHappyJadeEagle · 23/02/2025 18:25

How would he respond if you said maybe lending her money is supporting a gambling addiction ( I’d think drugs have to be paid for in cash but never bought any, only what I’ve seen on tv) She’s obviously got a problem with something and he’s enabling it — would that get him onside?

Stickywhitelovepiss · 23/02/2025 18:26

Either he's fucked her or is fucking her. No man is that compassionate.

YourHappyJadeEagle · 23/02/2025 18:26

Priddy · 23/02/2025 18:22

I would imagine that when she's busted for dealing drugs and the police look at her bank account they'll decide that you and DH are customers, OP.

Oh god,hadn’t thought of that.
OP I’d give your husband this thread to read.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 23/02/2025 18:26

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 18:15

I’ve tried to speak to him about it but I’m not gettingf anywhere. Anytime I point something out to him he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked why he’s so quick to send her money and he says it’s just because he wants to be a good neighbour. Bollocks maybe

All this back and forth with money
Why would you give yourself a hassle you don't need?
I'd a neighbour that tried that I gave him £20 and told him not to ask again, months later he paid me back, week later he asked to borrow £20 he was told don't keep cash in the house,he suggested I take it out the next day. No that's not happening and closed the door.

StrawberryWater · 23/02/2025 18:26

They're doing it.

I'd be asking him why her wants and needs trump his wife's and see what he says.

I'd be marking his cards for sure. He sounds like he's up to something.

2chocolateoranges · 23/02/2025 18:28

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 17:59

He’s just said he won’t be sending it her as often but sometimes he might have to? wtf

I’d be telling dh that his behaviour is extremely strange and that if you find out he is aending her money then you’ll have to rethink your relationship.

there sounds like there is much more to this “agreement” that he’s not letting on about. He is normally as generous as this?

id also be messaging her telling her that you are not a bank and will not be transferring anymore money to her . End of . Don’t ask again. And block.

SuperTrooper14 · 23/02/2025 18:28

Is your DH buying drugs from her? Or does she have something else on him that's making him put her needs before yours? I'd be as suspicious as hell, frankly.

LucyLou0527 · 23/02/2025 18:28

It’s hard to judge why your DH is giving in to her, I don’t think people should be so quick to judge him and make him out to be a druggy or a cheat? Maybe he is a people pleaser and struggles to say no? Remember it’s only recently that OP has decided it’s not on and maybe he will realise this soon enough himself

Edcc · 23/02/2025 18:30

Huge red flag.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.
A desperate woman in his debt?
He sounds sleazy, not kind.

Snowmanscarf · 23/02/2025 18:30

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but does she pay you back ?

i wouldn't subbing my neighbour £50 -£100 a week.

PoopingAllTheWay2 · 23/02/2025 18:31

Bit odd

She gives it back the next day….

Weird!

Winter2020 · 23/02/2025 18:33

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 18:15

I’ve tried to speak to him about it but I’m not gettingf anywhere. Anytime I point something out to him he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked why he’s so quick to send her money and he says it’s just because he wants to be a good neighbour. Bollocks maybe

Good neighbours aren’t drug dealers that get their neighbour to launder money. Why try to be a good neighbour to this person?

Helping her now and then keeps her coming back and asking again - it’s great that she hasn’t paid back the last tenner she borrowed because you can both use that as a reason to say no and never again - with a straight forward reason without getting into what on earth she is up to.

JustMyView13 · 23/02/2025 18:34

Are you sure you want to stay married to a man that sends money to another women without any explanation or thought for you?

Normallynumb · 23/02/2025 18:34

Christ!! She's taking the piss!
I think it's for weed
Waking you up is outrageous
You're not her personal ATM
Say you're finding it hard to keep track off so please stop asking, and turn your phone off/ mute her

Smittenkitchen · 23/02/2025 18:35

Extremely unwise to be involved in this way in something that may well be illegal activities. And that's aside from her being a total CF and there being absolutely no reason for you to repeatedly inconvenience yourselves in this way. Glad you've seen the light and good luck convincing your daft DH.

ThatSchoolOfficeLady · 23/02/2025 18:40

You'd have to be out of your tiny mind to give her a penny!

GG1986 · 23/02/2025 18:41

She keeps asking because you said yes the first time she asked and your dh keeps giving in!! You need to stop giving her money and ignore her calls, block her on social media. You aren't her personal bank, she's taking the piss out of you.

Lentilweaver · 23/02/2025 18:42

It's really bizarre😮 to me that some of us have trouble getting our friends to meet for coffee and others are able to get daily loans!

2025willbemytime · 23/02/2025 18:43

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 18:15

I’ve tried to speak to him about it but I’m not gettingf anywhere. Anytime I point something out to him he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked why he’s so quick to send her money and he says it’s just because he wants to be a good neighbour. Bollocks maybe

Doesn't he want to be a good husband?

Sassybooklover · 23/02/2025 18:43

After reading your updates, your husband's reasoning is nothing short of plain bloody weird. In fact his whole blasé attitude is odd. Neither of you have any idea why your neighbour is constantly needing money, especially at stupid o'clock at night. It raises red flags and is ringing very big alarm bells! My guess is that your neighbour is spending large quantities on weed or, has a gambling problem. My BIL had a gambling problem, and constantly asked for small amounts of money £5, £10, £20, and used ridiculous excuses for his reasons. After a few times, we got wise and refused to 'lend' him any. Both you and your husband need to stop. There's no point in you stopping but your husband continuing! She'll just bypass you, and go straight to him instead. If she thinks your husband is soft, she might try 'borrowing' larger amounts too.