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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asking for money

427 replies

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

OP posts:
MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 23/02/2025 19:49

WTF is wrong with you that you’re entertaining this? I can’t imagine responding to this, I’d be telling her where to go.

JorgyPorgy · 23/02/2025 19:50

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 23/02/2025 18:18

Bollocks maybe?!
Erm, it IS bollocks.
He's making it seem he's either doing something dodgy, either sleeping with her, or involved in drugs or something with her.
Either that or he's thick as pig shit.

Show quote history

Agree

Feelingstrange2 · 23/02/2025 19:50

Surely it's not gambling at £10 or £20. That's peanuts.

MissUltraViolet · 23/02/2025 19:53

She constantly has a supply of cash (always £10 or £20) that she needs putting in her bank account, often late at night.

This won't be gambling, gambling makes sense for why she needs it in her bank to spend but doesn't explain where all the notes are coming from in the first place. I mean, she isn't withdrawing it out her bank then giving it to you to transfer it back, is she.

I am going with drugs or perhaps at a stretch sex work? Either way you and your husband have been absolute mugs for continuing this after the first time and could be involving yourselves in some illegal shit. If it is drugs and she ever gets caught the police will 100% trawl through her bank accounts and then want to speak to you about your deposits as they will assume you are buyers.

I'd be very concerned that your husband doesn't seem keen to stop.

Mygosh · 23/02/2025 19:54

Sounds like drugs to me. I've seen this sort of thing happening many times. She will borrow money to buy a quantity of weed, for example, then sell some of it to get some cash back.

I'd be very suspicious of why your partner is going along with this.

ten2eight · 23/02/2025 19:54

@Redbird3 are you sure they are genuine banknotes that are being put through your door, not counterfeit notes?

Alternatively, she is being paid cash-in-hand for something, and for some reason doesn't want to deposit it into her bank account.

Something strange is going on, and it would be reasonable to ask your neighbour for an explanation.

DireStraights · 23/02/2025 19:55

This isn’t for real surely?

Yalta · 23/02/2025 19:57

morbidd · 23/02/2025 16:20

I'd be suspicious about your DH's friendly attitude to lending her money.

This

mathanxiety · 23/02/2025 19:59

Ask him what's stopping him from being a good husband to you, OP?
Why is he prioritising being a 'good neighbour'?

JorgyPorgy · 23/02/2025 20:02

ten2eight · 23/02/2025 19:54

@Redbird3 are you sure they are genuine banknotes that are being put through your door, not counterfeit notes?

Alternatively, she is being paid cash-in-hand for something, and for some reason doesn't want to deposit it into her bank account.

Something strange is going on, and it would be reasonable to ask your neighbour for an explanation.

are you sure they are genuine banknotes that are being put through your door, not counterfeit notes?
this occurred to me too.
Its very suspicious and your husband is either up to something or he’s a moron

Yalta · 23/02/2025 20:03

Ask him for £10 or £20 each day. After all you are asking for it

Smittenkitchen · 23/02/2025 20:08

snowmichael · 23/02/2025 19:18

Is she repaying it promptly?
If not, then YANBU
If so ... then possibly YABU
Although late night calls and texts are her being unreasonable

Show quote history

Did you miss the part where she says it's happening currently every day or every other day?? This is a huge annoyance and inconvenience at the very least, regardless of her mostly paying them back promptly.

ShelfyElfy25 · 23/02/2025 20:12

You're a money laundering service and potentially committing a crime.

Yalta · 23/02/2025 20:22

What ever she is up to I don’t think your dh is being a good neighbour by funding what ever it is she is up to and it could end up blowing up in his face

NoNotTodayThanks · 23/02/2025 20:23

It's weird that she's asking you to transfer money, but then has the equivalent in cash. My first though was that she's drug dealing so can't deposit the cash into her bank. Regardless you're not unreasonable to put a stop to it.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 23/02/2025 20:28

LucyLou0527 · 23/02/2025 18:28

It’s hard to judge why your DH is giving in to her, I don’t think people should be so quick to judge him and make him out to be a druggy or a cheat? Maybe he is a people pleaser and struggles to say no? Remember it’s only recently that OP has decided it’s not on and maybe he will realise this soon enough himself

Your naivety is dangerous.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 23/02/2025 20:29

ten2eight · 23/02/2025 19:54

@Redbird3 are you sure they are genuine banknotes that are being put through your door, not counterfeit notes?

Alternatively, she is being paid cash-in-hand for something, and for some reason doesn't want to deposit it into her bank account.

Something strange is going on, and it would be reasonable to ask your neighbour for an explanation.

The only reasonable thing to do is say No.

BigHeadBertha · 23/02/2025 20:31

A loony neighbor is a nuisance that's easily gotten rid of. I'd be far more concerned if my husband insisted on putting a loony (female) neighbor's wishes over mine, for any reason. And he's so invested in this issue that he yells at you for addressing it and tells you he "might have to" continue it? Hmm.

I suggest marriage counseling or individual counseling if he's too busy kissing loony female neighbor's arse to bother with it.

The best case scenario, him not putting his wife above any old rando walking down the street, I'd consider a big problem that extends far beyond this weird little scenario. Worst case scenari: He's cheating with her, involved in her illegal activities and/or being blackmailed by her.

There's nothing good here and it needs to be delved into more deeply for your best interests imo. Good luck with it.

MyLimeGuide · 23/02/2025 20:34

You are helping your loser neighbour out with her small scale drug operation.

MyLimeGuide · 23/02/2025 20:35

BigHeadBertha · 23/02/2025 20:31

A loony neighbor is a nuisance that's easily gotten rid of. I'd be far more concerned if my husband insisted on putting a loony (female) neighbor's wishes over mine, for any reason. And he's so invested in this issue that he yells at you for addressing it and tells you he "might have to" continue it? Hmm.

I suggest marriage counseling or individual counseling if he's too busy kissing loony female neighbor's arse to bother with it.

The best case scenario, him not putting his wife above any old rando walking down the street, I'd consider a big problem that extends far beyond this weird little scenario. Worst case scenari: He's cheating with her, involved in her illegal activities and/or being blackmailed by her.

There's nothing good here and it needs to be delved into more deeply for your best interests imo. Good luck with it.

Edited

And this.

MoveOnTheCards · 23/02/2025 20:37

Clearly this is dodge. Is your husband complicit or just stupid?

Sorry to be blunt, but…

PaintCatsPaint · 23/02/2025 20:39

I don’t lend money to anyone, and this is why. You set a precedent and reinforced it every time you capitulated afterwards. Unfortunately your ‘enough is enough’ is likely to be pretty toothless while your husband is riding roughshod over the boundary you’re trying to set. Like others I find his attitude to this situation very suspect, and the idea he’s just doing it to be a nice guy is extremely hard to credit. I think you need to ask him straight out why he’s so committed to helping her that he’s willing to sow discord in his own marriage. If he won’t answer then you really need to extricate yourself somehow, because as others have said this could end up bringing trouble to your door. Do you have somewhere you can go if it comes to it?

2Hot2Handle · 23/02/2025 20:40

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 18:15

I’ve tried to speak to him about it but I’m not gettingf anywhere. Anytime I point something out to him he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked why he’s so quick to send her money and he says it’s just because he wants to be a good neighbour. Bollocks maybe

Do not drop this argument, or let him gaslight you. Keep on at him to tell you the truth about what is really going on. No innocent person in their right mind would continue sending money to someone they barely know, especially after they’ve been told that person could be spending it on drugs or some other way of harming themself.

His reaction isn’t normal. Don’t worry about appearing to be the bad guy. Have this out with your husband and keep going until you get to the bottom of why he’s continuing to send money.

OriginalHulaHoops · 23/02/2025 20:40

Your husband doesn’t see it as a problem? Is he a soft touch or something? Of course it’s a problem. Waking you up at gone midnight for money transfers? Tell her that money doesn’t grow on trees, she needs to get a job and stop wasting money on cannabis. CF!

Daisyvodka · 23/02/2025 20:46

Okay sorry, I've read back through your responses and sorry if I've missed it, but what explanation did she give you originally for needing to do this? Or whatever explanation did she give your husband?