DP making inappropriate comments about friends appearance

[Robin87]

DP had a friend round last night for a takeaway and a few drinks. I joined for the food and was then happy to return upstairs where I was enjoying a relaxing and early night.

Said friend is recently single and between him and DP, they (somewhat light heartedly) asked if I had any single friends I could set him up with.

I said no one came to mind at which point DP decided to interject with the following:

-“How about X” (name of my oldest friend who split with her DH about a year ago)
-“She has a cracking arse”
-“I don’t know why (ex DH name) left her - imagine having that parked on your face every night”

DP’s friend didn’t really react and the conversation awkwardly moved on. I went up to bed a few minutes after when I’d finished eating.

AIBU to feel that was disrespectful? I know ‘boys will be boys’ at times but surely that’s a conversation best left to down the pub?

I’ve not spoke to DP about it yet but feel I’m going to have to bring it up.

^ This. I definitely think the bigger issue here is the OP's self esteem and it would guess it is pretty low to be around someone who verbalises comments like that.

She needs to demand better. Raise her bar. Get rid.

Vile. Amy man who uses ‘it’ or ‘that’ about a woman makes my skin crawl. He’s embarrassed you in front of his friend as well, who was clearly mortified.
The photo thing - that would end it for me.
Two years can be a time when the mask really does slip and you see the real person. He’s living in your home as well.
I could never look at him again and imagine being around your friend.

I'm so sorry OP - I honestly would ask my H to move out if he said something like that- does he seriously think you are ok about this kind of talk? Is he like this normally. If it's bit of a one off I would certainly tell him he embarrassed you and was totally unacceptable wouldn't be asking my friend round either.

It would be sheer insanity to put a boyfriend on your mortgage. Protect your asset and financial security at all costs.

Not much point in having a chat with the knuckledragger. He'll just say he was joking or pick a fight with you. Tell him to get out of your property and consider if you really need to date this man.

@Whoknew24 @Mog65 he's just a boyfriend, dating for 2yrs and OP is housing him.

Clearly the occasional woman on here ( not OP) puts up with sleazy public behaviour from their partner just because 'boys will be boys' -

Not only is he fine with humiliating you in front of someone else, he is also sexualising your friend AND speaking as though he has imagined sex acts with her.

So beyond disrespectful and gross. I wouldnt easily forgive this actually. It shows his mindset is deeply immature.

Does he have issues with porn?

The thing is, he's said it now & you won't be able to forget it. You know what he thinks about your friend & anytime you're intimate with him it'll be ticking away in your brain.

I wouldn't forgive him.

Bravado in front of his friend ?
What about you ? Does what his friend think trump respect for you and your feelings then?

Are you beginning to think you don’t really know your DP ? Is he thinking of other women while in bed with you ?

The bikini photo is likely something he had a wank over.
Totally icky behaviour.
Even his friend was embarrassed by him from the sound of it.

Plus your poor friend. I would have to defend her, it's awful she's been discussed like a piece of meat. I wouldn't be waiting for his hangover to improve. He's a prick.

I could never fancy him again and that’s the truth.

I wonder what he was doing staring at your friend's behind in the photo while you weren't there. Your responses seem to lean towards minimize his behaviour than face the implications. Also, the boys will be boys rationalization needs to die. Whether by mothers regarding their sons, or by partners. It just needs to stop.

I would have called him out when he made those disgusting comments about your friend. I do hope you say something.

I’d love to know how he would react if you’d replied that you’d love to have his friends cock in your mouth every night. He’d just laugh, right?

This is crass and vulgar and simply disgusting. However I am always surprised that people who have sex being unmarried, hence dp, not dh or dw (both men and women) talk about somebody disrespecting them.

Nasty remark. You should have called it out there and then. Us women must be more proactive and assertive.

He's 100% been tugging off over your friend.

He is a creep.

You moved this sleazeball in before you really knew him. Bad move.

You know he is attracted to your friend and most likely used your friend's photo for wanking. You know he lies, you didn't leave it open.

How are you going to have your friend over exposing her to your sleazy partner?

You got a good look at the him under the mask and whoo boy, he's crass and crude. I don't know how you can minimize this.

Think of his reaction in the reverse, he has an attractive single friend who was recently left "why would she leave him, imagine having that body all up on you every night 😛"

Say what now?

Yes this. Dump him ASAP.

So, he thinks your friend is hot. He also drank too much and made obnoxious comments about it, trying to show off for his buddy.

Of course, this is MN so there will be many posts advising you to end the relationship this very instant.

On MN, partners are to be immediately de-homed, divorced or deported for many, many things. For example, saying something stupid, forgetting to pick up their socks or using the wrong fork at a dinner party.

But yes, I'd be ticked off too and he'd hear about it. He disrespected you and he owes you an apology. Hopefully, he'll keep his pie hole shut next time.

As far as him actually thinking your friend his hot, well don't we all think some other people are hot, regardless of how happily paired up we are. We are just usually sober and smart enough not to drool about them in front of our partner.

Best wishes.

What?!

What has not being married got to do with being respected by your partner?!

No men that I know talk with one another like this regardless of whether they fancy someone or not.

I would suspect him of sniffing around for someone to cheat with after that comment. You have only been together for two years. If he is already firmly out of the honeymoon phase it doesn't bode well for the future. Do not put him on your mortgage.

His mask has slipped and you have a choice.

You can minimise what he says, put him on the mortgage and go live in the gutter with this guy.

Or you can ask him to leave and raise your standards.