DP making inappropriate comments about friends appearance

[Robin87]

DP had a friend round last night for a takeaway and a few drinks. I joined for the food and was then happy to return upstairs where I was enjoying a relaxing and early night.

Said friend is recently single and between him and DP, they (somewhat light heartedly) asked if I had any single friends I could set him up with.

I said no one came to mind at which point DP decided to interject with the following:

-“How about X” (name of my oldest friend who split with her DH about a year ago)
-“She has a cracking arse”
-“I don’t know why (ex DH name) left her - imagine having that parked on your face every night”

DP’s friend didn’t really react and the conversation awkwardly moved on. I went up to bed a few minutes after when I’d finished eating.

AIBU to feel that was disrespectful? I know ‘boys will be boys’ at times but surely that’s a conversation best left to down the pub?

I’ve not spoke to DP about it yet but feel I’m going to have to bring it up.

What a ridiculous post! 🙄

Why did he need to make ANY comments about the OP's friend's looks?!

The only reason any man would do this is because he wants to neg his woman, let her know he may be up for it with other women (even one of her friends!) and keep her in her place.

PLEASE ditch his fat ass @Robin87 He's a cunt.

I agree, alcohol does bring out the real person.

@Robin87 look, even if you forgive what he said (let’s face it you love him and have a future planned with him and making excuses for him already), he clearly fancies you mate! How jealous and paranoid will you feel next time you all meet up? Or just you and her?

What other women is he checking out while you are doing your weekly shop together?

I would make me feel very insecure and rather shit.

@Wonderi are you being serious?

OP don’t add him to the mortgage!

He's wanking over pics of your friend!!!

Please don't add him to your mortgage.

Best concise way to put it.

@Hearmenow23 boys will be boys though right?

These men with their little habits. Bless 'em.

Yes. I can.

Try looking at it another way, -

if it really is ‘just banter’ how happy do you think he would be if you said in front of other people you’d love to suck his mate off or something similar?
Could you imagine yourself even coming out with that?
It would give me the ick for sure 🤮 what a prince amongst men

He very clearly fancies your friend and has been getting off on her bikini pics. I can't imagine anyone being OK with that. No chance I'd stay with someone that was fantasising about my friend. What he said was revolting

In my relationship we wouldn’t be bothered at all about a comment like that. Would probably just laugh about it. However, if you don’t like it you don’t like it, so you probably need to bring it up with him.

I know ‘boys will be boys’ at times but surely that’s a conversation best left to down the pub?

This shows just how low your bar is, OP.

Don't tie yourself to this cocklodger.

Why doesn't he have his own house?
Don't get pregnant by him.
He is already bored and fantasising about other women. He knows he's got a good deal with you, but he is bored and by the sounds of things loutish and lazy. Throw him back, he won't improve.

@DurinsBane this is exactly it.

If he won't reflect on behaviour that you are finding disrespectful then you have no future as a couple.

He fancies your friend. I couldn’t get over this and would ask him to leave and don’t ever add a man onto your mortgage to give half your house away.

If I ever question my singledom, all I need to do is come on to mumsnet and read up on what women are prepared to put up with.

Please don't put him on the mortgage. Or marry him. Or have children.

The person's comment about being single wasnt aimed at you so dont get so worked up. I think sometimes we post that sort of thing as a reminder that it is ok to be single. You can be happy and independent. Not aimed at you but women with men like this.

Exactly. How would he have reacted OP if you and DH were sat with one of your single women friends and you said 'Ooh, what about DP friend Rob. He's so fucking fit. Imagine having his cock in your mouth every night'. And then DP found you drooling over a pic of Rob in his speedos. Any chance you think DP would be sticking around, saying girls will be girls, best keep such chatter for the pub darling?

I wouldn’t think anything of commenting on someone’s body.

If I’m trying to set my friend up with someone and they are gorgeous and have a great body then I’m going to tell them that.

I think it’s disingenuous to pretend that I can’t see someone has a nice body.

DH is trying to set his friend up with this woman.
If this woman has a nice body, especially bum, he’s obviously going to say that because that is what many men go for.

I’m sure she has a nice personality too but let’s be realistic if there were 2 single friends and DH said one was nice and the other was nice with a nice body then he’ll choose the 2nd one.

I would have replied,”Well so what, doesn’t everyone have a crack in arse.”

Come on there was nothing "nice" about what he said about her friend's body.

Sound like he was in lads mode and almost forgot who he was talking with. He’s probably like this all the time when he’s with men. Grim.

Like most people, he is more confident and vocal after a few drinks.

Or he's just showing you who he really is. And it's gross, really, really gross. Someone who is thinking about your friends that way. And happy to vocalise it when drunk.

I would have knocked my man into next week if he said that about one of my friends especially if I was present at the time