DP making inappropriate comments about friends appearance

[Robin87]

DP had a friend round last night for a takeaway and a few drinks. I joined for the food and was then happy to return upstairs where I was enjoying a relaxing and early night.

Said friend is recently single and between him and DP, they (somewhat light heartedly) asked if I had any single friends I could set him up with.

I said no one came to mind at which point DP decided to interject with the following:

-“How about X” (name of my oldest friend who split with her DH about a year ago)
-“She has a cracking arse”
-“I don’t know why (ex DH name) left her - imagine having that parked on your face every night”

DP’s friend didn’t really react and the conversation awkwardly moved on. I went up to bed a few minutes after when I’d finished eating.

AIBU to feel that was disrespectful? I know ‘boys will be boys’ at times but surely that’s a conversation best left to down the pub?

I’ve not spoke to DP about it yet but feel I’m going to have to bring it up.

Tell him he can no longer have his friends around to play if he is going to behave like a silly little boy! What an arsehole!!
If he claims it was 'the drink talking' tell him to lay off it in future.

We’ve never really done that, but I’m slightly self conscious of my middle (I could do with losing a bit of weight ideally) so I think he’s respectful of that. No other complaints in that department.

Come on @Robin87 You are already making excuses for him with 'err yeah but..' and 'boys will be boys' type comments suggesting 'he's not that bad really.'

If you had kids, and a man who was a lazy tosser who never lifted a finger in the house and spent all the family money, and gambled your savings away, you'd say 'oh but he is such a good dad!'

He is a complete arsehole. Raise your bar, and throw this one back in the sea.

@UnderHisEeyore · Today 09:54

Thank you for reminding me once again why I stay single.

🙄

This daft and tedious comment comes up on every thread where a poster complains about her man. Not all men are total arseholes, it's not a 'better life' as a single person, and you're not superior to the OP or anyone else in a relationship because you're single.

Obviously only people who are having problems in their relationship/marriage are going to post on here. If anyone posted to say their relationship is amazing/ great/ perfectly OK, they would be accused of being 'smug marrieds.' And people rarely post to say positive things. People constantly make complaints about things, but very rarely write to praise or compliment anything.

So just because you are seeing complaints about men on here, (and seeing shitty relationships,) that doesn't mean all men are arseholes and it's better to be single. I'm not saying it's better to be in a relationship or that people who are, are superior, but I do get sick of the barbed comments on this type of thread from single people, saying 'I am soooooo glad I'm single.' Well I am sooooooooo glad I'm married!

And what about what he does or says when he's not at home? This is just a glimpse...

Not ok by any stretch. Alcohol just brings out people's truths. Would not be ok with my partner saving this conversation for the pub either. His friend obviously picked up on the inappropriateness!

I think especially with the photos bit, it's clear he fancies your friend. I couldn't put up with a comment like that.

There are better men out there to have put on your hard earned mortgage or have kids with.

Just think you'll be forever looking over your should every time he is around your friend. Obviously it's not your friend's fault but I could not tolerate this from my partner.

“Boys will be boys” is just another phrase to excuse sexist, completely inappropriate predatory behaviour. I would be getting rid as he has shown his true colours and attitude towards women.

What a pig.

I had an ex once randomly tell me how OW had an amazing arse (mine is flat which he knew I was self conscious about). I just smiled and replied “my ex husband is hung like a horse unlike you so I guess we can’t be blessed with everything”. Then pacified him that size isn’t the be all and end all.

Some time these awful individuals need negged back. I would be ditching him after a comment like that. Whenever you see your friend, you will be reminded of what he said.

Do not add this man to your mortgage. He's put nothing into acquiring the home. Don't give him a free house!

Yes he was absolutely looking at photos of your friend in a bikini

Horrendous, sorry.

🤮

I get why you are feeling annoyed by his comments as they were childish.

But I’m not sure how he can say she’s attractive with a nice body, without upsetting you.

I actually think I prefer him to have said it in this banter sort of way, instead of saying she’s really beautiful with a nice figure, especially if he knows you’re a bit self conscious.

I think it was his clumsy attempt of protecting your feelings and for that I would just forget about it and move on.

How would you have described DH’s friend to your friend (if he’s good looking)?

This is how men talk with one another. Your issue is that he fancies your friend.

I don't think adding this man to your mortgage would be a wise move.
Also the fact that you don't sit on his face, for me, makes the comment so much worse. He's fantasising about doing something to her that he doesn't even give to you, wtf.

I’m thinking it was just bravado in front of his friend

Can you see what you're doing here? Think about him looking at your friend's body on that photo. Now think about what he said. I would get rid of him but I think you are going to excuse this and face the same problem again and again.

Please don't tie yourself down financially with such an utter creep and don't even think of trying yourself down with having children together.

I was thinking that too!

Oh, that's grim. Humiliating and embarrassing all round. Please throw this one back. He clearly fancies your friend and worse, is making crass comments to his mate in front of you which is all levels of wrong. What the hell does he say when you're not there?

The fact that you're also anticipating him not being mortified and apologetic, but instead argumentative if you raise it, also speaks volumes.

Do not put this twat on your mortgage and please don't have kids with him. Your body will change and your confidence will fluctuate and this kind of misogynistic prick will not be a good partner. Imagine him as a father of teenage dds, ffs!!!! NO.

As other PPs have said, 'boys will be boys' is you/society allowing men to behave in a really shit fashion.

Seriously- you call this banter???? It's OP's close friend!

He could have just she was nice and single. Didn't need to go on about her body in any way, shape or form (literally).
He's not being protective (weird argument, there was nothing to be protective about), he was being gross and it seemed even his mate was embarrassed.

And he's looking at bikini pics of said friend.
Re describing a good looking male friend, I doubt OP would have gone on about him being ripped etc

Jesus 😬

I would be absolutely fuming

Some men. Mine doesn’t, thank god.

Exactly. He's clearly being fantasising about Op's friend's body.
Bikini pictures, emphasis on the 'cracking arse'... he obviously fancies her.
OP, how are your future interactions with you, friend and boyfriend pan out from now on, knowing what you know?

@SwingTheMonkey Can you be a 100% certain of that?

Exh was like this. It started innocently enough with him saying that a famous singer was attractive , it then moved on to him saying that my best friend shouldn't be single because she's so pretty. Before I knew it he was leering at strangers in the street and calling me insecure when I asked him to cut it out. At its very worst he was speaking openly about what he wanted to do to the woman that worked at our local shop. I left him eventually , but I was very much the boiling frog in this 'relationship'.

Be careful op. This could happen to you.