YANBU. This is long and took me a while to write, so I hope it's at least somewhat useful to you.
First, I feel for you. You expected to have your husband there by your side, adding to the finances, lightening the load and providing companionship.
Instead, you've had to trudge down a long, hard, lonely road.
You got screwed. Of course you feel discouraged, cheated and drained. Who wouldn't?
However, remember you ARE eight years further down this rough road now. 13, 12, 10 and 7 (I might have one of the ages wrong there) is a whole lot closer to the stage where things start lightening up than 5, 4, 2 and one on the way. It's all just about to start getting lighter. Don't give up!
I have to say though, that after reading your posts, I do agree with those who say you have gotten into a negative, possibly clinically depressed mindset, even though I totally get how that would happen, all things considered here.
This is a bit off topic because I feel like my issues at the time were not as much from outside forces as your problems seem to mostly be. Mine were more me just kinda falling off mentally/emotionally over time and getting stuck in a rut somehow, though both outside and inside factors always both factor in. (I had a husband and two young-ish kids at the time). But what is the same, is the dire need to figure out how to start spiraling upward instead of downward, in the best way possible at the time. Please disregard if all this doesn't help.
Anyway, through the years I had become depressed and stuck in a rut. I didn't have a job nor any job skills and was home with kids and no social network, not much extra money. I also became very unhealthy, overweight and a heavy smoker, and my house was always a mess. My kids were getting old enough that I wanted a job but I didn't have any job skills and didn't think a low-paying job that any teenager could do would add much to my life, in money or satisfaction. I just felt sunk.
I tried little things like just taking walks around the neighborhood to get out of the house and start getting in better shape but I could only walk a short distance before having to sit on the curb, out of wind. My attempts only amounted to floundering.
I like making detailed lists and charts for some reason, so I finally decided to list my top five problems, then put them in order of which I would work on first to which I would work on last. Then I wrote detailed steps for how I'd work my way out of each one, over a years' time.
For example, under kicking the smoking habit: Getting the nicotine patch and the nicotine gum and an anti-depressant that also helped with addiction (Wellbutrin at the time, which also helped me feel more hopeful and energetic). Cigarette money went in a jar for me to spend on little luxuries for myself. Read daily about benefits of not smoking, join a quit smoking online site. Etc. Hitting it from all angles, since I had tried to quit numerous times already and failed.
Other categories: 2) weight loss, 3) choosing a career and get job skills for it 4) get on a housekeeping routine, involving kids (free online program). 5) social - last and to be determined later
What I discovered as I went on was that working on one of my problems tended to help with my other problems too, just as my problems had seemed to work together before to keep me sunk. For example, the Wellbutrin to ease smoking cravings also improved my mood and overall energy level so I was able to move more, which helped with weight and being able to do better with housekeeping. Improving my housekeeping skills gave me a home that was company ready, which helped with trying to improve my social life. Etc.
The "rules": I'd have to focus on the first item on my list like it was practically the center of my life (as much as possible). When that was accomplished, I could move on to the second item, and so on. But I could also work on the other items on the list at the same time, if I wanted to. Another rule was that I had to read my entire list, the five main headings and details under each one, every morning and every night. That worked like magic to keep my new "program" foremost on my mind.
So, a year later I had kicked the smoking habit, dropped about 25 pounds and felt like my old self again, gained pretty solid housekeeping skills and also taught them to my kids, and had started classes for the career I chose. I had made two new friends, one from school and one of my kid's friend's moms.
I had decided to go into social work and got such a kick out of it when the method above, that I stumbled onto and thought I made up, was featured in one of my classes. It wasn't very sophisticated or deep or anything like that, but it worked. :)
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to share because I could see you doing this too, starting with what you are able to do now and with an eye to the near future, when you'll have more freedom to act. Some examples: 1) Help kid who is being bullied- home school him, if possible. Do school drop off and pick up, if that's possible and would help. Call a school conference with teacher, speak with principal, etc. 2) Prepare to date with diet and exercise improvements, if needed (preparation for happier future and also could give a boost to energy and mood). 3) Social- start over with trying to make friends at your age and stage. Perhaps exercise routine (if you choose that) includes walks where you might meet others or consider other attempts you could try, such as simply inviting a neighbor over for coffee. Also under social, consider seeing if there are any babysitting courses for teens or find online and start training child number one or child number two to be able to help out with that, starting with short amounts of time. Etcetera. You don't have tons of room to navigate right now but I do see some room.
Best wishes to you, dear.