Sad about how life has turned out

[Cinno]

Can't help but feel sad about how life has turned out as a single mum. I know I'm suppose to pretend to love it but I can't, I hate it and I'm so lonely and miserable it's not early days so no it won't "get better" I hate it the more time goes on. How do you get over the fact life hasn't turned out how you'd hoped?

Reframe your situation. You're an independent, capable woman running your own home and a mum to your child or children. So many women are trapped in loveless marriages but don't feel they can leave for one reason or another. They'd probably envy your situation.

Sorry that won't work for me I absolutely hate how my life has turned out, being single doesn't mean happy either.

*single parent specifically I should say

That sounds like cope..

My life certainly has its downs, OP. I just put one foot in front of the other each day and make sure I find moments I enjoy. Sometimes it's the only option. Usually things get easier over time.

I understand op, my ex was abusive bit 12 years on and still single is lonely no matter how bad it was before

I feel your pain op - I’m in a similar position and am tired of people telling me how strong and independent I am. I’m not feeling either of those things at the moment.

Why are you single?

You speak as though you are nearing the end of your life… it’s not over yet!
It is time to make the change.

What exactly makes you unhappy ? What does you seek?
If it’s companionship, are you seeing enough of your friends? Are you dating on Apps etc? Need a hobby?
What can you do to change things?

Thank you that's exactly the case I'm not strong or independent my life is a mess

Well the best years are certainly over.

Yep. Being a single parent can be draining, shit, difficult and lonely. Been there and was thoroughly miserable at times. There are some highlights but it is hard work and lonely. For me, it was better than staying with my ex, but I hated my situation and well meaning words from other people didn’t help. 💐 for you.

What do you hate about your life though? What would you change if you could? Is it that you want a partner? You miss being single? You miss freedom? Pin point what’s missing.

Im a single mum (well was) and yes, it’s hard! But everytime I interacted with my ex, I realised that I was more unhappy with him than I was on my own.

What are the circumstances that made you a single mum? Can you forgive yourself for them? It sounds wushu washy - but definitely start accepting that this is your reality and there is a reason behind it and this is your new life.

Now what do you want your life to look like and how old is your child/ren?

The younger years were much harder than when they became more independent. I defiantly lost myself. But I was able to invest in hobbies and get involved in my community - which helped with making friends and that took the edge off the lonliness at least.

Also, as my daughter got older, it is like living with a person that you can have conversations with and I loved that. We spend covid together and she was 6/7 at the beginning and practically a teen by the end of lockdown - and we had the best time in our bubble. I wasn’t lonely at all.

Yes - it’s hard - I get it! But these are the cards you’ve been dealt with and I hope you find a way to become who you hoped you would be x

I hate being a single mum I would have changed my ex breaking up with me and leaving me alone to parent the kids but I didn't get any say in the matter

Thank you

How old are the kids? How old are you?
Do you date?
Would you like to find a long term partner?

I think the pressure of feeling like you're supposed to pretend to love it is unhelpful. I don't know that anyone expects that pf you. Parenting is hard and doing it alone is of course going to be really hard so it's no surprise you're feeling like this, but it's also not that you've 'ended up' this way, because life and feelings do change and just as you never expected this to happen, other things will come along and change your situation. Ive also seen for many women that the best years aren't the early ones and we can get better as we get older and feel less like we have to live up to expectations. In the meantime it's okay - freeing even - to admit things feel shit right now and to feel angry that your life's been shaped by things out of your control. I hope you can find people to share that with so you feel less lonely and less pressure and can get through this without despairing.

From the perspective of my early sixties, it's been my experience that life is a series of stages, some better than others. Life will inevitably change, not least because your children get older. I'd suggest having a think about what actual things are missing in your life and how life could be different.

Bear in mind too, we are currently in the dog days of winter, when most of us feel particularly down at heel, but that will soon change and we'll feel more motivated to do things again.

Finally, saying your best days are over is just nonsense. I'm currently having the best time of my life at this life stage. None of us know what is round the corner, maybe just try to be aware and open to new opportunities? I wish you well. 😊

I feel every word of your post , I was a single mum , because my ex went off with someone else . I found it incredibly lonely. I don’t think it helps to say others are envious of your situation. I do hope you manage to find a way to feel better.

You can't change it so you're going to have to find ways to look on the bright side OP. It was shit when it happened to me but I had to find the silver linings or lose my mind in despair. Good luck.

Judging by your reactions, You sound incredibly depressed OP. I think you need to go to GP as antidepressants may help you. The pain of loneliness is pretty indescribable. Talking therapies might help too.

I'm not due how your other situations are such as housing work health and finances but at the moment you can't see the wood for the trees.

Try to get a shower each day l, some body lotion and put on clean clothes. And get out of the house and spend 20 minutes in natures. Try to have one nice meal per day to show self care (when you single a pot noodle is very appealing but avoid). Try and plan a nice activities. this does not have to be extravagant or expensive.

None of this is a magic wand to make you accept your situation but it may stop a spiral of decline and feeling soft hopelessness and dread. It's baby steps. Take it hour by hour, day by day.

Only you are responsible for your own happiness. It's not other people's responsibility.

Only you can create the change you want.

Try to find some gratitude. If you can work on being grateful for what you do have your perspective will change.

Happiness/unhappiness is all just thoughts. It's the story you tell yourself about your life.

With this attitude you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. It's not even true.

Your best years are ahead. Your dc will grow up you will have more money and more freedom.

If you continue to be miserable and bitter your dc will avoid you when you're older and you'll never attract a partner.

Plenty of people meet the love of their life when they're older.

Work on your attitude. Be positive. Enjoy your time parenting your dc as its only going to be about quarter of your life actively parenting thrn they will be grown.

The best years are ahead.

Is it security or financial op or everything?

Someone once said to me the best days of your life are only over when you’re about to die. Are there any things you want to do op? Places you want to see? I made a list of small mostly free things I want to do- people I want to meet up with, places I love, things I want to try (eg our park where I grew up is amazing in spring, I want to go there). Is there music you like? Comedy? Could you go on your own to a concert or stand up or film?

How old are your kids? Never too old for a games night, family night in. I know I sound annoying and I’m sorry and do feel free to ignore but I hope you take even something x