To be hurt by MIL having regular lunch with her other two DILs and never inviting me.

[Sacredhandbag]

DH has two brothers and a sister.

I thought MIL and I got on well. Not besties or anything but got along fine together. She's a great grandmother. I've always considered myself lucky to have her.
Recently she's been unwell and as I can be around during the day (I'm on maternity leave) I've popped round her house to help her with some laundry and other bits and when she went back to work I spent the day waiting in her house for her for an important delivery she couldn't miss.

Ive just found out that for the past year, she, her daughter, and the wives of her two other sons meet up for lunch every Tuesday and I have not once been invited.

I'm also regularly ignored on the family whatsapp when I suggest to the SILs that we meet up with our kids.

I'm really hurt and I just don't understand. If they dislike me, why was MIL happy to have me over to help her out when she needed it? The other DILs and her daughter didn't, as far as I know.
If it was just her and her daughter, or her and one of her other DILs, I'd understand but it's the fact that it's a group of them that I've been left out of that's upsetting.

DH has offered to speak to her and ask if I can come along but I've said no for now.

AIBU to be upset?

Edit: we all live locally, in the same small town.

You’re all very local to one another?

Yes, we all live in the same small town.

Are you in a different financial position to them OP?

That’s really shitty.

You refer to getting on ok with your mil

but what about your SILs?

Well now you know don't be helping. Let her DD or other dils help out.

Do they all not work and you normally work? Tuesday lunchtimes are a peculiar time!

Tbh I would be hurt, is there zero backstory at all? It's odd they ignore you in group chats too tbh.

MIL is very well off. One SIL doing slightly better than us, one doing much worse, one on the same level.

That’s really shitty of them. I’d be busy having lunch with friends next time MIL needs a hand with chores OP.

Why don't you ask her? I would.

I would let your DH speak to them about you being hurt but I wouldn’t be going with them in the future

If you’re on maternity leave, would you have to take your baby? Does anyone else take their kids to the lunch?

That's really shitty.

I guess now you don't need to do them any more favours.

I thinks it’s a fair question to ask now that you know (either direct or through DH). Don’t let it fester, the longer you leave it the less you’ll be able to ask.

How is the vibe when all of you are together for family occasions/all round MILs together?

is it because yoj normally work on a tuesday or now you have a baby in tow which doesnt fit with their adults lunch?

I would also be hurt but you need to work out why first or who the instigator is. Do you get on will with the other DILs? Coild it be one of them arranged it and left you out rather than your MIL?

I would let you DH soeak to his mum to fine out why. Othersie it will just eat away at you.

I'd ask her straight out. Also, don't be available in future. It's a shitty thing for all of them to do.

How long have you been in their lives op? Are they in the same space as you in terms of 3 children of varying ages including a very young baby?

Whenever we meet up at family events, kids birthdays or dinners etc, we chat absolutely fine and have a laugh. Nothing has ever happened to suggest one of them might not like me. And even if they do, they could have said...

i wouldn’t worry then op

maybe they are just much closer to one another and have been in each others lives longer?

That's an awful thing to do to you, I'd be furious. My DH has a family that do shit like this, we rarely have anything to do with them these days. I'd let your DH speak to MIL to find out why and let her know it's not acceptable to exclude one family member in this way but he can't ask if you can go. They clearly don't want you there so it would be very awkward to force an invite. I wouldn't be spending any time with them in future. My DH goes to his family events by himself mostly these days and my life has been much better for it 💐

I'm the longest term DIL. DH and I have been together for 19 years, married for 15 of them.

The other two DILs have been around 10 and 13 years.

Ok so I suspect just a matter of them getting on very well rather than “ok”

Not nice at all buts there also your sils in this dynamic besides MIL so they are all complicit.

how did you find out op? I would be so hurt aswell, I'm sorry :( you mention being ignored on the WhatsApp is that by all of them or just one? I'm wondering if one one the sil have a problem with you rather than it being mil x

That's extremely hurtful. You've been round doing housework and her washing, while they've all been having a lovely weekly lunch together. How did you find out? I would be taking a big step back. No more helping, no more inviting her round, no more sending photos of the children etc. DH can fully take over all of that.