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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My new boyfriend hates me speaking to my kids dad

277 replies

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 12:33

So I've been with a new boyfriend for about 5/6 months and right from day one he's always hated me speaking to my kids dad.
Me and him split up about 5 years ago, when our youngest was under a year old, and we've always co-parented well together, and communicated well regarding our 2 kids. I get on well with his new partner and also communicate with her well too.
However my last partner hated my speaking to my baby daddy, and now my new partner does too. My new partner seems to get angry and really jealous.
So a typical convo with my baby daddy might go something like;
Him - hi, how are the boys today? I'll be finishing work at 5 so I can pick them up on my way home and give them some tea.
Me - The boys are fine and OK that's great thanks.

Or he might ask me questions about school, or I'll text him and tell him if something has happened that he needs to know about, but generally when we talk it's regarding who's house the kids are at and who's doing them tea. Nothing more.

My new partner says I flirt with him and I've still got feelings for him and I shouldn't talk to him as nicely as I do. He gets insanely jealous if me and my kids dad have to ring each other for something and says we flirt on the phone. Which I can guarantee we don't. He says our texts should be short one word answers and we don't need to tell each other things about the kids.
To me, I think this is wrong. Both the kids are still in primary school, they aren't old enough to remember to tell their parents things yet so they still need both their parents to be their voice.
Also when me and their dad split up, we both agreed we'd never argue or be angry infront of the kids, because we only ever wanted them to see us getting along, but now I have a new partner, I feel like I can't even talk to the kids dad about anything without my partner being jealous.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
wizzywig · 22/02/2025 12:34

Ditch this guy. Noone should prevent you from raising your child in a positive manner

RIPVPROG · 22/02/2025 12:34

It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with your ex, the new guy seems very jealous and controlling. Get out sooner rather than later.

DoYouReally · 22/02/2025 12:34

You need to stop picking immature, insecure men.

Vaxtable · 22/02/2025 12:35

Dump the new guy. Your kids come first and it sounds like you have a fantastic co parenting arrangement and that needs to continue

ThejoyofNC · 22/02/2025 12:36

Ditch him, along with the term "baby daddy" while your at it.

Overtheatlantic · 22/02/2025 12:36
  1. Baby daddy as reference to the father of your children is awful even as slang
  2. New chap needs binning. You’re all adults and you have children to raise so best to be serious about that.
HebeJeeby · 22/02/2025 12:36

You are definitely not being unreasonable, it seems like you and your BD have a great co-parenting set up and that can only be a good thing for your children. Do not lose that for the sake of an insecure boyfriend you have only been seeing for a few short months. I would dump this boyfriend too, as he shouldn’t be telling you who or how you can talk to anyone but especially not your children’s dad. If he is insecure then he needs to work on his own issues not come in and expect you to turn your life upside down to accommodate him.

Pashazade · 22/02/2025 12:37

You need to figure out why you're drawn to jealous controlling men. Ditch the loser, the relationship with your children's father sounds healthy and appropriate. The boyfriend is the problem.

Spirallingdownwards · 22/02/2025 12:37

Other than calling him a baby daddy I would say you are NOT being unreasonable. The new BF sounds immature and seems like he would very much like to coercively control you. Ditch him and continue coparenting in your friendly and sensible manner.

ssd · 22/02/2025 12:37

Do people really say baby daddy?

Whatbloodysummer · 22/02/2025 12:37

You are being completely bloody unreasonable to even consider putting up with your partner's bullying behaviours ffs !

You and your Ex have a respectful, positive co-parenting relationship, which you need to KEEP, for the sake of your children !

You need to immediately dump your BF, because he's bad news for both you and your kids!

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2025 12:37

You and you ex sound like decent mature parents, try and find someone similar to date or don't date at all

MumChp · 22/02/2025 12:37

Baby daddy?
Maybe try expartner and your relationship will be easier.

Blondiney · 22/02/2025 12:38

YABU to use the term, ‘Baby Daddy’.

RedHelenB · 22/02/2025 12:38

DoYouReally · 22/02/2025 12:34

You need to stop picking immature, insecure men.

Anyone that refers to baby daddy seems equally immature

BellissimoGecko · 22/02/2025 12:39

Vaxtable · 22/02/2025 12:35

Dump the new guy. Your kids come first and it sounds like you have a fantastic co parenting arrangement and that needs to continue

This.

And stop picking jealous, immature 'men' to go out with!

AntiHop · 22/02/2025 12:40

You need to put your kids first and ditch this man now. Please tell me you're not living together.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 22/02/2025 12:40

This is not right. You need to end this relationship

BellissimoGecko · 22/02/2025 12:40

How dare this new bf presume to tell you how to communicate with anyone in your life?? He knew you had kids. They come first. You have only known him for five minutes.

How he is behaving should tell you everything you need to know about him! 🚩 🚩

oakleaffy · 22/02/2025 12:40

“Baby Daddy” is grim.
It’s associated with one night stands and short term relationships where babies are collected along the way- Ditto
“Baby momma”

Use a less disparaging term for the sake of your two children- and look into ditching the jealous new boyfriend.

faffadoodledo · 22/02/2025 12:41

Hopefully in real life you refer to your ex as the father of your children or your childrens' dad rather than baby daddy, which somewhat infantilises him. It probably gives your current man the same impression.

Jamfirstest · 22/02/2025 12:41

You sound nice, your children's father sounds nice, his new partner sounds nice. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Todd this one back and find a grown up - plenty of examples in your life x

AssassinsBlade · 22/02/2025 12:41

If he’s ‘insanely jealous’ at just a few months in, it’s a sure bet that he will only get worse as time goes on and his reactions will escalate. Save yourself and your kids the drama, they deserve a peaceful home and parents who model good relationships whether they’re together or not.

coolkatt · 22/02/2025 12:42

Ditch him asap. Ext it will be the kids he is jealous of.

oakleaffy · 22/02/2025 12:43

MumChp · 22/02/2025 12:37

Baby daddy?
Maybe try expartner and your relationship will be easier.

Baby Daddy makes it sound like a new baby is collected with every partner- like a trophy.

”Ex husband/ ex partner” sounds much more stable.

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