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Original poster

My new boyfriend hates me speaking to my kids dad

277 replies

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 12:33

So I've been with a new boyfriend for about 5/6 months and right from day one he's always hated me speaking to my kids dad.
Me and him split up about 5 years ago, when our youngest was under a year old, and we've always co-parented well together, and communicated well regarding our 2 kids. I get on well with his new partner and also communicate with her well too.
However my last partner hated my speaking to my baby daddy, and now my new partner does too. My new partner seems to get angry and really jealous.
So a typical convo with my baby daddy might go something like;
Him - hi, how are the boys today? I'll be finishing work at 5 so I can pick them up on my way home and give them some tea.
Me - The boys are fine and OK that's great thanks.

Or he might ask me questions about school, or I'll text him and tell him if something has happened that he needs to know about, but generally when we talk it's regarding who's house the kids are at and who's doing them tea. Nothing more.

My new partner says I flirt with him and I've still got feelings for him and I shouldn't talk to him as nicely as I do. He gets insanely jealous if me and my kids dad have to ring each other for something and says we flirt on the phone. Which I can guarantee we don't. He says our texts should be short one word answers and we don't need to tell each other things about the kids.
To me, I think this is wrong. Both the kids are still in primary school, they aren't old enough to remember to tell their parents things yet so they still need both their parents to be their voice.
Also when me and their dad split up, we both agreed we'd never argue or be angry infront of the kids, because we only ever wanted them to see us getting along, but now I have a new partner, I feel like I can't even talk to the kids dad about anything without my partner being jealous.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
YourHappyJadeEagle · 22/02/2025 13:57

I don’t understand “baby daddy” but it sounds immature, like teenage speak.
I assume you mean your ex partner, father of your children?
Dump the controlling boyfriend. His control will spread.

penelopelondon · 22/02/2025 13:58

Your new BF is very bad news, he's the super jealous type. You've already been 5 months together and he's trying to control your relationship with your sons father, it's only going to get worse. Any person interfering between you and the well being of your child should be ditched asap.

BeDeepKoala · 22/02/2025 13:59

DeepFatFried · 22/02/2025 13:04

  1. he is jealous, insecure, possessive and controlling . He is already causing problems.
  2. He will destroy your amicable co-parenting to the detriment of your children
  3. And worse, once your son/s reach puberty a man like this will not tolerate another man’s offspring in his home. From Greek tragedies to Hamlet to the Lion King to the fact that many homeless teens are boys who have been ousted by Mum’s New Partner, this is a common theme.

This literally never happened in Hamlet, the Lion King, or any major Greek tragedy (as far as I can remember)

Original poster
Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

OP posts:
Cuppachuchu · 22/02/2025 14:02

🚩 x 100. A very easy LTB.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 22/02/2025 14:02

His thoughts are irrelevant. Just dump him.

Daisymae23 · 22/02/2025 14:05

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

Read this all back as if a friend was telling you this and asking your advice. What would you say?

FarmGirl78 · 22/02/2025 14:06

Ughhh. Baby Daddy makes me cringe.

He's your child's Father.

IButtleSir · 22/02/2025 14:06

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

Why have you been putting up with this ridiculous shit when you can see how ridiculous it is?

REignbow · 22/02/2025 14:06

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

You sound lovely, as does your relationship with your children’s father.

You have only been together for six months and already he’s telling you what to wear and trying to control you.

This will only get worse, so please do yourself a favour and finish it. I would also be inclined to say, that if this the second relationship where they have behaved like this may be think about doing the freedom programme.

Billydavey · 22/02/2025 14:07

Yeah, new bf is totally out of line and the advice on here to LTB is well deserved.

co-parenting well is vital. Either civil or friendly, whatever works best and you’d be mental to compromise a good co parenting relationship for a jealous boyfriend.

FarmGirl78 · 22/02/2025 14:07

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

So many red flags he could provide bunting for a village fete.

Zofloramummy · 22/02/2025 14:08

Is he living with you? Dump him, he is a complete jerk.

Snorlaxo · 22/02/2025 14:09

Your update is scary as hell. How does your bf cope with seeing women’s ankles and wrists on show every day? He must be constantly aroused 🚩 👀

Odiebay · 22/02/2025 14:09

You say he's been like it from day one. You see this would be the giant red flag that you shoot down straight away if he does it once more he should be gone

REignbow · 22/02/2025 14:10

You also need to consider your DC here as well. They are witnessing his behaviour.

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2025 14:10

After youve dumped this loser be a bit more selective about the men you’re bringing into your DC life and home after a few months

You say you’ve only been with this man 5/6 months and he’s already spending time with your kids in their home. You also refer to another ex with same issues.

No one is saying don’t date but your young children are already seeing a couple of different men coming in and out of their lives and home.

Maybe keep your dating life away from your kids until you’re in a more settled relationship in future.

The biggest danger to children in their own home is an unrelated man. Not saying these men are dangerous but just be more careful and wait longer before introducing your kids to men you don’t know very well.

unaMadre · 22/02/2025 14:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

luckylavender · 22/02/2025 14:12

Run and stop saying 'baby daddy'.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/02/2025 14:12

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 12:57

Sorry I don't normally use the term baby daddy haha!
In front of the kids I always say 'daddy'

Please don't worry about it.

We all know what you mean and some posters need to get their heads from up their arses.

penelopelondon · 22/02/2025 14:12

Purplepanda17 · 22/02/2025 14:00

Just a few more examples here.
So when the boys dad drops them off at mine, they always stand at the door and wave to him and I say 'wave bye to daddy boys.'
New partner says that I don't do that for the boys benefit, I do it so I can wave bye to their dad 🤔

Whenever I talk to the boys dad (about the kids,) new partner says that I didn't need to talk to him, I'm just making up excuses that I'm talking to him about the kids, so I can talk to him 🤦‍♀️🤔

Also the kids dad dropped the boys off this mornin, I was still in my pj's (shorts and t-shirt) but I had my giant snoodie over the top. Anyway, because you could see the bottom of my legs my new partner said I shouldn't answer the door to my ex dressed like that, well it's only the same as wearing shorts in summer 🤷‍♀️ apparently my ex (kids dad) would be having naughty thoughts about me because he could see the bottom of my legs... so i had to go and put joggers on 🙄

Please get out of this vey short lived relationship asap. This is how domestic abuse starts, and it will only get worse. Plus why are you bringing this stranger of 4 months into your house with the kids and letting him dictate your life? Please learn how boundaries work before you continue dating.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/02/2025 14:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You grow up. You know this term arises from particular cultures, right?

SofaSpuds · 22/02/2025 14:14

wizzywig · 22/02/2025 12:34

Ditch this guy. Noone should prevent you from raising your child in a positive manner

This very first reply is all you need!!

Dump him, he's awful!
Keep the positive relationship with your children's dad, they're the most important people here.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/02/2025 14:14

Oh gawd - dump him, in fact, hurl him into the sea and run.

If this is how ridiculous he is now, imagine how he will be down the line when you live together (please say you do not live together)... have shared finances...

Run Op, and keep on running.

SofaSpuds · 22/02/2025 14:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Maybe read how many times OP has already apologised for that 🙄
..... and then give some constructive advice!