AIBU unreasonable to feel upset about this .......

[Mossley]

I've been seeing my partner for 20 months now, he has 3 daughters, they obviously message each other which is all good, nice to see them close as a family.

But I caught sight of a message between him and one of his daughters recently that left me feeling upset. Basically we were sitting on the couch and he put his phone next to me to charge and then went the loo. His phone wasn't locked and what caught my eye, was he'd left WhatsApp open and there was a picture of my cupboard in my home that had been sent as part of a message.

I knew I shouldn't have read it but I did. So to put this in context I've been feeling quite anxious about the state of world affairs and the looming potential of World War 3 and I saw an add to buy vacuum packed ready meals that last years. So I bought a box of them and put them in the cupboard. So my partner had taken a photo of the cupboard, sent it to his daughter and said 'Trying to get my coat out of the nuke' storage cupboard'. Both of them reply with a trail of laughing emojis and then his daughter says 'What a whopper'
He then replies 'You don't know the half of it, really"

There's a part of me that thinks its funny, but then there's another part of me that thinks its mean and they are both laughing at me. It's also made me wonder what other things he's telling them and whether I'm regularly just the butt of jokes. Also I feel something like that should be private and so what other stuff is he disclosing? It's made me feel like an outsider in his life.

So, am I just being just being too sensitive and I should just 'man-up' or do I have a right to feel uneasy about this? Thanks.

It was a light-hearted and inoffensive joke about a quirk (one that I think most people would find quite funny). It wasn’t nasty. And you shouldn’t have been snooping his WhatsApp messages.

Also I feel something like that should be private

So should your partner’s personal conversations with his children.

You brought vacuum packed ready meals

Yeah I would be ribbing you for that.

I would feel upset and offended about this

Come off it. If you saw a message about you on your partner’s phone you wouldn’t try to read it?

I'd feel uneasy them having a private joke at your expense .

They sound like twats.
There’s having banter and then there’s calling someone a whopper and saying you don’t know the half of it.
What else are they laughing about at your expense?

I would tell him to fuck off and take his whoppers with him.

Oh come on.

You've bought vacuum packed meals.

I would be laughing too.

I would crack it if they were laughing about me.

However, I would laugh too if I had seen those meals. Not sure if this is your case, but I wouldn't date conspiracy theorists.

There's a difference between taking the piss out of her to her face and having a snide joke at her expense with his daughter.
They sound horrible tbh, I'd be upset too and I say this as someone who is a piss taker.

Get out of that relationship. He’s taking the piss out of you with his children.
I would be very upset by this.
I was the subject of many in house jokes between DH and his darlings. It always hurt.

I think it's rude to take pictures of someone's house without their consent and use it to make fun of them, and the "you don't know the half of it" is very hurtful unless you have constructed a nuclear bunker under your house.

Certainly not for the reason the OP did.

He's out of order. A good-natured joke to your face? Fine. Taking pictures and joking about you behind your back? Not fine.

Some people are preppers, this isn't unheard of (not one myself).

Sorry, he's not a keeper.

Maybe he senses his children want to reassure themselves that his girlfriend isn’t more of a priority than they are and little jokes like this might be their way of doing that?

But I’d be wounded for sure

I haven't constructed a bunker, no :-)

It's not really 'private' that he wanted to get his coat and saw these products and made a joke about them. Did you tell him the vacuum meals were top secret?
It sounds light-hearted to me. He must express some of these feelings to you, if he thinks some of the things you do are funny or don't make sense to him? I honestly wouldn't take it too harshly.

Well it is a bit mean of them to
be laughing at you but then again you have bought a load of vacuum packed meals in case WW3 breaks out , which is slightly …….odd

I'm not a prepper myself, but preppers are not necessarily conspiracy theorists. Some just think there could be an emergency that effects supply chain.

Some preppers are also conspiracy theorists, of course.

I don't think I would continue seeing him. It's the 'you don't know the half of it' comment. It's not a one off and he's using you as the butt of jokes. Not ok.

I’d laugh at this too to be honest, and couldn’t get worked up over it

I don’t find what the OP did that odd, but then again my parents were living through the Cuban missile crisis when I was a toddler and my mum later told me that she did hoard some stuff just in case.

I think there's a huge difference between saying "She's bought some vacuum packed prepper meals, isn't that funny?" and taking secret photos of your home to take the piss out of you. The latter seems nastier and more intrusive to me. I wouldn't be happy about it.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, just been feeling anxious about he state of world politics and conflict

This is one of those context is everything situations.

If your relationship is positive, your relationship with his kids is positive and there is a lot of love in your life then I wouldn't see this as a problem. It's just a lighthearted joke. Yes, at your expense but still done with affection - you've got a WW3 cupboard!

If, on the other hand, you feel nervous around him, he picks fault with you and takes the piss unkindly, I can see why you'd he bothered.

Tbh, if my partner had stocked a cupboard with vacuum packed meals.that last for years in casw of WW3, I'd be taking the piss too! A bit like when people had Y2K cupboards around the millennium in case all the computers crashed at midnight and the world ground to a halt when, there we were on New Years Day morning and nothing had changed.