AIBU unreasonable to feel upset about this .......

[Mossley]

I've been seeing my partner for 20 months now, he has 3 daughters, they obviously message each other which is all good, nice to see them close as a family.

But I caught sight of a message between him and one of his daughters recently that left me feeling upset. Basically we were sitting on the couch and he put his phone next to me to charge and then went the loo. His phone wasn't locked and what caught my eye, was he'd left WhatsApp open and there was a picture of my cupboard in my home that had been sent as part of a message.

I knew I shouldn't have read it but I did. So to put this in context I've been feeling quite anxious about the state of world affairs and the looming potential of World War 3 and I saw an add to buy vacuum packed ready meals that last years. So I bought a box of them and put them in the cupboard. So my partner had taken a photo of the cupboard, sent it to his daughter and said 'Trying to get my coat out of the nuke' storage cupboard'. Both of them reply with a trail of laughing emojis and then his daughter says 'What a whopper'
He then replies 'You don't know the half of it, really"

There's a part of me that thinks its funny, but then there's another part of me that thinks its mean and they are both laughing at me. It's also made me wonder what other things he's telling them and whether I'm regularly just the butt of jokes. Also I feel something like that should be private and so what other stuff is he disclosing? It's made me feel like an outsider in his life.

So, am I just being just being too sensitive and I should just 'man-up' or do I have a right to feel uneasy about this? Thanks.

He's probably taken other photos in your house and I wouldn't be surprised if he's sent them to his DD too.

Not a nice thing to do.

He obviously thinks you're ridiculous, which is fine I suppose if he told you so straight to your face. Sneaking around taking pictures in YOUR house and sending to his daughter to laugh at how batshit you are is not funny. It's disrespecful and hurtful. It sounds as they have form for making fun of you. Her calling you a whopper and his response just tells me they don't respect you at all. If you think about your relationship in general, do you feel respected? I would probably put an end to the relationship if I were you because I couldn't stand this lack of respect from a partner.

I'd be upset too OP

I saw a message on partners phone, left open next to me, in which his son age 40 referred to me as having a"bat" phone and being riff raff.

Should I have been upset by that?

I was.

Wow, thanks for the sweeping judgement about having mental health issues, clearly you are a qualified psychiatric consultant. I have some anxieties about the current escalating situation in world politics, particularly in regards to the threat of war and impending tariffs that may affect supply chains, but it doesn't put me in the mentally ill category. I don't know a person who isn't worried about the current situation.

As for the red flag about going through his phone, I've never gone through his phone, I saw the photo of my cupboard on his phone screen did a double take and saw the writing immediately below it. I didn't scroll through his phone or forensically examine it, the information was right in front of me.

I didn’t mean to offend.

But yes anxiety is a MH issue.

When it affects your day to day life then it could be classed as a disorder.
Not saying you have GAD but your choices are more extreme than the average person and so it is something that I would personally keep an eye on.

And you read a message that was on his phone, which I would consider a red flag.

You may be happy with him reading your messages but I would not like it if my DH did this to me.

It's not hoarding when you did it way before it occurs to anyone else. I did this when Covid was still a "racist right wing conspiracy theory". Not once lockdowns were announced. We already had what we needed when the shelves were full

The charging phone was right next to her. She saw a picture of something in her house and read the caption. I can't think of anyone that wouldn't read it if it was clear that a message was about them. It isn't her DH's house, so he is breaching her privacy by sending pictures of her home. He's pretty horrible to do this in order to mock her to his daughter.

You are not qualified to diagnose OP with any mental health condition. The world seems very dangerous at the moment and people are reacting in different ways.

I suppose the question is, how do you feel about his treatment of you generally? Did you have a niggly feeling and this has just confirmed it? Or is this a one off?

Also I feel something like that should be private

You feel like the fact you are buying vacuum packed food should be private but not your partners phone?

DARVO alert.

But hey, it's only banter innit. Phones are sacred. A much worse sin to touch a phone than being a wierdo taking pictures of his GFs cupboard so he can mock her with others.

I am not diagnosing anyone.

OP said she had anxiety and not a MH condition and I pointed out that anxiety is a MH condition.
Which is just facts.

I would not read someone else’s text if it was next to me and I would expect someone else to give me the same level of respect.

You obviously would read someone else’s messages and be ok with someone reading yours which is ok for you but myself and others on here have different boundaries.

Perhaps sometimes but not in our family. I do know the difference too as what my Dad and brother deemed banter to me growing up was indeed bullying and not at all funny.

DARVO get a grip!!
He shouldn’t be having a laugh at OP, equally no one should be looking through anyone’s phone. OP can’t talk about privacy after sneaking a look at someone’s phone

Interesting. Down here a “whopper” isn’t generally used derogatorily. Someone might say that they had “a whopper of a meal”, meaning the meal was “astounding”, “amazing” or just “huge”. A work colleague “coming out with a real whopper” means they said, or did, something totally unexpected.

But it doesn’t have inherent negative connotation. Fascinating that the meaning can change from region to region.

Banter with you present is fine, taking photos of something you've done and mocking you with other people because of it is scumbag behaviour.

I'd dump him. And yeah he can be annoyed about you looking at his phone but on the plus side you now know who he is, and also what do you care what someone like him thinks?

And that's fine as it's giving you comfort to feel a bit prepared. We all do what we can to get through life.

Taking the piss out of you behind your back is snide and nasty.

Not a keeper

Are the vacuum packed meals any good, or haven't you tried one yet?

Thank for your understanding and the context of how I saw the message.

Hi

Whopper means the same too in terms of a huge portion etc but if you call a person a 'whopper' it means they are a bit of a dick !

Not tried one yet but if I do I'll post it :-)

You would have got very different responses on the preppers board, OP. Come and join us if you want.
But regardless of what he was laughing at you for, he was laughing at you behind your back for your sincere attempts to help him and that's really not on. I don't think he's on the same page as you at all and he's too chicken to say it.

Totally off topic but what brand were they?

Thank you :-)

I'm a bit of a pepper and my kids home if they run out of something late at night just go to Mum's. She's sure to have about 4. Try to laugh with them. I laugh at myself sometimes when my DS's make these comments. I also remind them during COVID they were very happy to be given hand wash, ibuprofen and toilet rolls because I always have at least 48 + the packet that is open and frozen fruit and veg from our garden.

Preppers Shop UK, not the best at customer service if I'm honest but I received the food packs.