AIBU unreasonable to feel upset about this .......

[Mossley]

I've been seeing my partner for 20 months now, he has 3 daughters, they obviously message each other which is all good, nice to see them close as a family.

But I caught sight of a message between him and one of his daughters recently that left me feeling upset. Basically we were sitting on the couch and he put his phone next to me to charge and then went the loo. His phone wasn't locked and what caught my eye, was he'd left WhatsApp open and there was a picture of my cupboard in my home that had been sent as part of a message.

I knew I shouldn't have read it but I did. So to put this in context I've been feeling quite anxious about the state of world affairs and the looming potential of World War 3 and I saw an add to buy vacuum packed ready meals that last years. So I bought a box of them and put them in the cupboard. So my partner had taken a photo of the cupboard, sent it to his daughter and said 'Trying to get my coat out of the nuke' storage cupboard'. Both of them reply with a trail of laughing emojis and then his daughter says 'What a whopper'
He then replies 'You don't know the half of it, really"

There's a part of me that thinks its funny, but then there's another part of me that thinks its mean and they are both laughing at me. It's also made me wonder what other things he's telling them and whether I'm regularly just the butt of jokes. Also I feel something like that should be private and so what other stuff is he disclosing? It's made me feel like an outsider in his life.

So, am I just being just being too sensitive and I should just 'man-up' or do I have a right to feel uneasy about this? Thanks.

I think people are missing the point. OP is entitled to keep whatever she wants in her own home without being the butt of jokes either from her DP or other mumsnetters. If her DP doesn't like it he's free to not visit.

I get that but, come on, tins of beans is one thing. Is there no part of you that thinks you had a slightly off the wall moment buying vacuum packed meals that last for years?

I get that you feel he has gone behind your back on this but maybe he doesn't feel he can joke about it with you if you're genuinely that anxious about it but his daughter is a safe outlet for his feelings around it?

Jokes within families (even at someone else's expense) are just one of those things in most families.

Only you will know whether he's actually just a dickhead.

They’ve been very unkind and I wouldn’t be ok with it.

You are being a tiny bit batshit though

It's not our home, we have separate homes, so he was taking a photo of my home and sending it.

Agree. I don’t want to drift off topic, but I don’t think the world actually would end in the blink of an eye.

There are nuclear missiles being tested all the time in the middle of the oceans and places like Siberia. We hear now and again about earthquakes etc as a consequence of North Korea or wherever setting them off.
These bombs are being exploded fairly regularly. It will be horrible if some get dropped in a populous area, but the world isn’t just going to end for everyone not directly affected by the blast

I'm not worried about it. At all.

If it happens, there's nothing any of us can do. If it doesn't, what a lot of time will have been wasted worrying!

It's literally not something I ever think about until I read a thread about it.

Well if I saw that cupboard, I would comment that it was not enough provisions, because if the world goes feral, only the proper survivalists may survive. Guns, it’s guns and ammo you need OP.

Then you can grab mum and go to the Winchester until it blows over.

Meh, I was ribbed for having extra rolls of tp in my loft in Feb 2020, wasn't so funny when they couldn't get any for a couple of weeks the following month.

Because of ppl hoarding.

Had a friend who bought TP and hoarded, I not only took the piss out of her with a TP emoji but I thought she was incredibly selfish.

I took ‘what a whopper’ to mean the large box of vacuum packed meals.

It means where I come from 'What an arse'

Too sensitive. It's just teasing and the sort of thing people do get teased about although it's not that daft to be a bit prepared with food although maybe not for world war three.

This. Sorry but his “you don’t know the half of it” comment would send me into a rage. This is not a banter comment, it’s a bloody dig at you.

Yes, I understand your emotional process, but it is just an alternative response to the fact that all humans live in a world where there is mortality, war, death, disease.

Not thinking about it is one way of dealing with the fact that death, war, disease exist. But that is not the same as living in a world where those things do not exist.

Never worrying is just the far end of the same spectrum as always worrying.

None of us actually know how we will deal with a real nuclear siren until it happens, do we? We are all just imagining inside our heads (or alternatively NOT imagining, in the case of 'never think about it' people).

Totally. And we laugh at each other too, if they'd done something daft. Yabu OP, for snooping and for buying vacuum packs

TIL that whopper is scouse for idiot.
I don't think it's a deal-breaker.
Depends on what he meant by "You don't know the half of it."

That's even worse then.

Sorry, I think he sounds like an unsupportive partner.

It doesn't matter if he agrees with you or not, he should be respectful, and if he can't then you shouldn't be together.

he can have a laugh with you about it. I would. But laughing at your expense and taking a pic would piss me off.

Really? That puts an even worse light on it, then. That’s not a joke. It’s hurtful, and I wouldn’t put up with it. You need to call him out on it, and if that’s the level of his care for your feelings, I’d send him packing, back to his lovely family.

So what a whopper means what an arse/idiot?

Charming.

Don't read messages on his phone op, yabu for snooping and for buying that stuff,

Do you get any help for your anxiety?

Disrespectful, insensitive. Awful. Insulting. I would drop him, find a nice guy without any baggage, you don't need this shit.

Depends on what he meant by "You don't know the half of it."

That line stood out to me too.

I understand why it hurts you, but I think you just have to put up with it. If you and your DP have a good relationship there’s no reason to think it’s more than affectionate teasing-style chat. Remember he’s known them a lot longer than he’s known you.

I would let it go, OP. Only because I wouldn't personally want to admit to snooping. It isn't nice to see I'm sure.

If anything happens, let him have last pick of the vacuumed meals 😉