AIBU unreasonable to feel upset about this .......

[Mossley]

I've been seeing my partner for 20 months now, he has 3 daughters, they obviously message each other which is all good, nice to see them close as a family.

But I caught sight of a message between him and one of his daughters recently that left me feeling upset. Basically we were sitting on the couch and he put his phone next to me to charge and then went the loo. His phone wasn't locked and what caught my eye, was he'd left WhatsApp open and there was a picture of my cupboard in my home that had been sent as part of a message.

I knew I shouldn't have read it but I did. So to put this in context I've been feeling quite anxious about the state of world affairs and the looming potential of World War 3 and I saw an add to buy vacuum packed ready meals that last years. So I bought a box of them and put them in the cupboard. So my partner had taken a photo of the cupboard, sent it to his daughter and said 'Trying to get my coat out of the nuke' storage cupboard'. Both of them reply with a trail of laughing emojis and then his daughter says 'What a whopper'
He then replies 'You don't know the half of it, really"

There's a part of me that thinks its funny, but then there's another part of me that thinks its mean and they are both laughing at me. It's also made me wonder what other things he's telling them and whether I'm regularly just the butt of jokes. Also I feel something like that should be private and so what other stuff is he disclosing? It's made me feel like an outsider in his life.

So, am I just being just being too sensitive and I should just 'man-up' or do I have a right to feel uneasy about this? Thanks.

Just to clarify.........
Yes, I'm anxious about the state the world is in at the moment but I don't sit there fretting constantly about it, I do what everyone else does and get on with my life. It was an impulse buy when I saw the advert, that said I've always been practical and think ahead.

I wouldn't have read his phone and I've never read his phone before, but I saw the picture of my cupboard on his phone screen and instinctively looked at the picture, I didn't scroll through the phone, the comments were immediately beneath the picture.

It's the kind of thing that my husband and kids would write about me and tbh vice versa! It's family banter nothing malicious and nothing more. Laugh along.

There is trench warfare happening in Europe right now.

It seems to me OP that there was no malice behind it, I’d just take it as a bit of family banter. It is unusual in this country to be ‘getting prepared’ although if you lived in America it would be seen as perfectly reasonable!
it’s the sort of thing my family would find amusing but not in a nasty way, just a bit of fun.

But anyway, teasing to your face? Sure. Affectionate teasing behind your back? Fine. Calling you a whopper? Absolutely not okay.

I don't think the message is too bad. A bit of humour about the vacuum packed meals.

Most people don't prepare that much and find things like that a but strange and a but amusing.

I actually like the idea of some vacuum packed meals. Great for bad weather, if you're ill and can't leave the house as well as bigger things like pandemics, wars etc. I'd buy some but I'd fully expect my DH to tease me for it. He'd happily eat them in an emergency though.

If everything else in your relationship is generally OK I'd let it go.

If anything happens, let him have last pick of the vacuumed meals

No, absolutely not. If anything happens which means you need to use them, keep them all for yourself. He’s the whopper!

I think the first comment and photo were quite funny and could be just a bit of lighthearted joking, but the comments calling you a whopper and him saying you don't know the half of it are mean and rude.

They are laughing at you, not with you and such nasty comments too. Taking photos of your cupboard behind your back! You are definitely not being unreasonable

DH and my dad took the piss out of me mercilessly for my stockpiling in the February before the first Covid lockdown. Can’t say it’s something I felt upset about, tbh.

You shouldn't't have snooped his phone. Now you know he thinks preppers are jokes.

Doesn't know the half of it implies there's more to your anxiety prepping than MREs.

Laughing at you behind your back with anyone is awful. If his DD's are children/teens I'd also be questioning his parenting, I'm not sure I'd want to be with a man who encourages such snide behaviour with his children, these are the type of people that raise bullies.

Which is fine if that's between you and the OP

Not so much if you'd sent to another friend or family member

It doesn’t matter if it’s a photo of a cupboard or a photo of a pile of laundry. He’s took a photo of something in your home behind your back and sent it to his daughter to poke fun, and by doing so he’s invited her to poke fun as well. Which she did. They both don’t sound like nice people.

Don't know the half of it? He’s agreeing with her you’re an arsehole and implying there’s other things about you that make you an arsehole.

He is very comfortable isn't he, sitting in your house whilst taking the piss out of you to his daughter behind your back. I think the replies would be very different if this was a female friend who was sending messages about you like this.

I would get rid over this, but I wouldn’t bother telling him why.

He wasn't teasing the OP

He was sniggering behind her back

Why? people feel differently about the future. Some people like a well stocked store cupboard and this pretty similar. Don't understand why it's funny/odd. Also, I'd want to know what else he's laughing at.

His children are grown up and have families of their own.

Yes, absolutely this.

But they did it to your face!

I don't understand why people can't see the difference

No. It means the OP hasn't got a clue what else he's saying

'Banter'. Excuse for nastiness often enough, or bullying.

Oh girl, get rid. Life's too short for people to be so rude about you.

Yeah I would be upset. A healthy relationship should be respectful.

@Sharptonguedwoman what's funny is some people's lack of critical thinking and inability to research the effects of a nuclear war and therefore be fooled into parting with hard-earned cash.

Anyone who's read the most basic information would tell you that vacuum packed food would be the very least of anyone's worries if an actual nuclear war happened.

I think it's sensible to have stuff like this. I have lots of stored food, water, paraffin, candles, matches, medication, fuel for both vehicles and fuel to keep me warm. I just use it from the bottom and top it up at the top so I have a stash of stuff but nothing gets old.

My Dad did the same. There are a lot more situations that this makes sense for than those for which it does not. That is all I care about.

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